Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Woman confronts mom after finding hidden letters from 'late' father; 'He was alive, and she had lied to me for my entire life.' AITA?

Woman confronts mom after finding hidden letters from 'late' father; 'He was alive, and she had lied to me for my entire life.' AITA?

ADVERTISING

"AITA for refusing to forgive my mom after I found out the truth about my dad in a letter hidden inside a birthday card?"

Most-Accountant-6936

I’m still trying to process all of this, so bear with me. A few months ago, I went no-contact with my mom (61F) after discovering something that has completely turned my life upside down. My family is furious with me, calling me ungrateful and dramatic, but I can’t bring myself to forgive her for what she did.

Growing up, I (25F) believed my dad died in a car accident when I was two. That’s the story my mom always told me, and I had no reason to question it. She rarely mentioned him, and any time I asked, she would get uncomfortable and change the subject. I assumed it was too painful for her to talk about, so I didn’t push. I grew up thinking he was just a memory, gone too soon.

But a few months ago, everything changed. I was cleaning out my old room at my mom’s house, getting ready to move into my own place, when I stumbled upon a box of childhood keepsakes—school drawings, old toys, and a stack of birthday cards.

I started going through the cards, feeling nostalgic, when one from my third birthday caught my attention. It was sealed with extra tape around the edges, which seemed odd, so I opened it.

Tucked inside the card was a folded piece of paper—a letter. At first, I thought it was just a forgotten note, but as soon as I started reading, my heart dropped. The letter was from my dad.

He wrote about how much he missed me and how sorry he was for not being able to see me on my birthday. He mentioned that he was being kept away but promised he would keep trying to be part of my life. He signed off with “I love you always, Dad.”

I sat there in shock. My dad? Writing to me a year after he supposedly died? I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me. I confronted my mom immediately.

I held up the letter and demanded to know what was going on. At first, she tried to play dumb, acting confused and asking where I found it. But when I pushed harder, the truth came out—my dad wasn’t dead. He was alive, and she had lied to me for my entire life.

It turns out that when I was two, my parents had a falling out, and my mom went for full custody. She didn’t want him in my life and fabricated the story about his death to make sure I wouldn’t ask questions. According to her, she thought it was “easier” for me to believe he was dead than to explain why he wasn’t around.

I was speechless. This woman let me grieve my father, allowed me to grow up thinking he was gone, all the while knowing he was alive and trying to contact me. When I asked her why she kept his letters—why she didn’t just throw them away if she wanted to keep him out of my life—she shrugged. She claimed she didn’t want me to resent her later if I ever found out.

The worst part? She didn’t even apologize. She didn’t seem remorseful at all. She just kept saying she did what she thought was best, that he wasn’t a good influence, and she didn’t want me growing up around him. But I wasn’t interested in her excuses. She robbed me of a relationship with my father, and she didn’t even care.

I didn’t stop there. I couldn’t. I needed to know more. Over the next few weeks, I found out that my dad had written to me every year for my birthday—letters that she never gave me. He’d even tried to see me a few times, but my mom always made sure I wasn’t around. She went as far as changing our phone number and moving houses just to keep him from reaching us.

I left her house that day and haven’t spoken to her since. My family, on the other hand, has been relentless. They’re all telling me I’m overreacting, that my mom “did what she had to do” as a single parent, and that I should be grateful for everything she sacrificed for me. They don’t seem to understand the depth of the betrayal I feel.

But how can I just forgive her? I spent my entire life mourning someone who wasn’t even dead. I lived with this hole in my heart, thinking I’d never know my father, when in reality, he was out there, wanting to be part of my life.

And now that I know the truth, I don’t even know if I want to find him. What if he’s not the person I’ve imagined all these years? What if reconnecting with him opens up even more wounds?

I’m lost. I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life, and I don’t know how to move forward. My mom expects me to forgive her, to sweep it under the rug and pretend everything is fine. But how can I do that when I don’t even know who I am anymore?

Everything I believed about my family, about my past, has been turned on its head. So, AITA for refusing to forgive my mom after finding out she lied about my dad for my entire life?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

19Miles84

NTA, you lived a lie, that your mother fabricated. She is a cruel selfish POS.

But I tell you now onto thing. „Don’t meet your heroes“.

What I mean is, that if you meet your dad (I think you are going to), than expect him to be human, having good and bad characteristics. If you grow up with a parent, you get used to the bad characteristics and you still love your parent. But your father never was your parent. You’ll have to give him more chances, than a usual stranger would get. But you’ll eventually learn to love him.

Difficult-Bus-6026

NTA. This was truly a horrible thing to do. Did your mother explain why she hated your father so much? Unless he was an abusive monster, what your mother did was inexcusable. Have you succeeded in finding your father?

4me2knowit

He deserves to know why you never responded.

Beth21286

OP needs more info first. If all the family are so on mother's side then they need to justify that. What did he do that was so wrong that they think mother was entitled to lie to OP for her whole life? They may have valid reasons or it may be utter BS. Look him up online, get an idea of what OP would be walking into, then decide if she wants to make contact.

Vintage-Silverbullet

Look, before permanently cutting her off, meet up with your dad and make sure she didn't have good reason to cut him off. I'm not saying she's right to have done what she did, but she may have had been influenced by actions to take such a drastic course of action. Of course, he could be an average person as well and mom is full of BS so cutting off is perfectly reasonable in that situation.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content