'AITA for refusing to fund my brother's wedding after he insulted my wife?' 'He was just joking.'
"AITA for refusing to fund my brother's wedding after he insulted my wife?"
Hey everyone, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and need some outside perspectives.
I (32M) have a younger brother, Tim (28M), who recently got engaged. Our family has always been close, and I've been relatively successful in my career.
Because of this, I've been able to help out family members financially when needed. Tim and his fiancée, Lisa, have been planning their dream wedding, and naturally, he came to me asking if I could contribute a significant amount to help cover the costs.
Here's where it gets tricky. My wife, Sarah (31F), and I got married three years ago. Our wedding was a modest, but beautiful affair that we funded ourselves. Tim was my best man, and though he didn't contribute financially, he was supportive and involved.
A few weeks ago, we had a family dinner where wedding plans came up. Tim made a snide comment about how our wedding was "nice but not exactly the fairy tale" that he and Lisa are planning.
He then implied that if we had asked for help, maybe our wedding could have been better. This hurt Sarah deeply, as she put her heart into planning our wedding.
I confronted Tim later, explaining that his comment was out of line and that he owed Sarah an apology.
He brushed it off, saying he was just joking and that we were being too sensitive. Sarah feels disrespected and is upset that Tim doesn't see the problem.
Now, Tim is pressuring me for the money, and our parents are subtly hinting that I should help out for the sake of family unity.
However, Sarah feels strongly that we shouldn't give a dime until Tim apologizes sincerely. I agree with her, but I also don't want to be the cause of a family rift.
So, AITA for refusing to help fund my brother's wedding after he insulted my wife?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FinalConsequence70 said:
So, you and your wife had a lovely and personalized wedding, that was funded by yourselves....but your brother, who didn't contribute a dime towards yours, wants you to subsidize his "fairytale wedding?"
Tell your brother that maybe if he kicked in some cash towards yours, you know, cause FAMILY, it could have been fancier and more up to his standards, but since he didn't, he and his fiance can fund their own wedding and see how much that gets them.
NTA, and I wouldn't give him money even if he did apologize, because he'd only be doing it to get the money, not because he would believe he was wrong.
OkConsequence7671 said:
NTA even if he didn’t insult your wife and your wedding. It’s a wedding, not a life saving surgery. If he doesn’t not have enough money for what he wants, he can just save like normal people.
Sea-Ad9057 said:
NTA tell him he can fund his own fairy tale wedding And good for you not wanting to go into debt and burdening others to help fund it...he can't afford his fairy tale wedding alone without having other people to pay for it.
PleaseCoffeeMe said:
NTA. Give Tim what he gave you….nothing. Tim and Lisa need to plan a wedding they can afford, or their fairytale will be a financial nightmare.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. He can fund his fairytale wedding himself. What adult wants a "fairytale" wedding?
Used-Pin-997 said:
NTA. Don't give a dime. Period. You had a practical wedding, even though you could have afforded something larger. Your brother wants a dream wedding but can't afford it. Let him pay for the extravaganza. Who cares if he gets mad. Did he care when he made you mad?
No, he brushed it off, and said you were too sensitive. Well, there's your answer. When he gets upset because you won't pay for his extravaganza, tell him he's being too sensitive.