'AITA for refusing to give birth without an epidural?' 'I naturally have a fear of childbirth.'
"AITA for refusing to give birth without an epidural?"
I (24F) found out this week that I am pregnant. Me and my husband have only been married for 3 months, so this pregnancy was unplanned and I’m still trying to process it, however I am willing to go through with it and we’re both happy with the news.
My MIL has been pressuring me as soon as I got married to have kids since her other son and DIL have suffered with miscarriages for the past 4 years so shes really persistent on wanting grandkids.
Soon as I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I told my in laws about the news in hopes that they’ll help us out with doctors and things of that nature since we’re unprepared. Some friends and family came over last night because they heard about the news and were very excited for me and my husband.
My husband’s cousin is also currently pregnant, so her and I were talking a lot about everything going on for us. She was saying I need to get good health insurance before I give birth in order to cover delivery, potential C-Section, aftercare etc, she was educating me a lot and also told me that epidural costs too etc.
My MIL heard her mention epidural and went on to say “well we won’t be needing any of that anyway." I asked her what she meant and she says “The epidural is unnecessary and makes things way too easy, women should have their babies the way nature intended." I was in shock and so was everyone else in our living room.
I naturally have a fear of childbirth after the horror stories I’ve heard, so no epidural is out of the question for me. I told her I outright refuse to have this child without epidural and that’s not her decision to make. She became super offended and once our guests left, she told me I embarrassed her in front of them by “talking back to her” and told my husband he needs to “straighten me out."
My husband told her it’s ridiculous to expect me to have a child with no pain relief and she responded with “Well, I guess a baby is having your baby." It’s been 3 days and she refuses to speak to my husband or me.
My husband is now telling me that in order to keep the peace and move along to just apologize to her and possibly reconsider the epidural. I told him I have nothing to apologize for since I didn’t say anything wrong, and I will not be reconsidering my decision.
He thinks I’m holding a grudge and being disrespectful because his mother “only wants what’s best for the baby." Someone please tell me AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Authentic_Jester said:
Tell your husband that if he wants to remain your husband, he should start behaving like it, and if he wants to be a momma's boy, y'all can start discussing shared custody.
Fit_Detective_4920 said:
NTA. If "keeping the peace" involves allowing someone else to dictate how you GIVE BIRTH, that's not peace. I once read that there is a difference between "real peace" and "seething peace." Seething peace looks nice to outsiders, but everyone is secretly miserable and resentful. Eventually something blows up. Enabling MIL is seething peace.
xanif said:
Since she feels so strongly about doing things naturally, she's never taken any modern medicine, right? NTA.
Relevant_Demand7593 said:
NTA, your body your decisions. Don’t let any of them bully you. I tried natural child birth, but after about 36 hours I caved and had an epidural. I was such an idiot, should have had one straight away!
Actual-Hamster4692 said:
NTA but make sure you let the nurses know that MIL is not allowed to be in the room when you go into labor. Who knows what she'll do.
Outrageous_Tea_8048 said:
NTA I would tell MIL that unless/until she changes her attitude she will not be around you or your baby & she can try to rule others pregnancy & delivery. I am curious why MIL thinks it was OK for her to make & state decisions about your pregnancy & health care, but you aren't?