'AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s destination wedding?'

"AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s destination wedding even though she says it means I don’t value our friendship?"

My best friend, Sarah, is getting married. We've been close since kindergarten, and I was thrilled when she got engaged. However, when she announced her wedding would be a destination wedding in Bali, I started to feel uneasy.

Sarah and her fiancé have always had a lot of money. They planned a lavish, week-long event at a luxury resort. The cost per guest, including flights and accommodation, is around $5,000. While I'm doing well, that kind of money is simply not in my budget. I'm saving for a down payment on a house, and every dollar counts.

When Sarah asked if I'd be able to attend, I explained my situation. I told her how much I loved her and that I was so happy for her, but I couldn't justify spending that much money on a wedding, especially when it would deplete my savings. I offered to throw her a fantastic bachelorette party, help with any local wedding planning, and celebrate with her when she returned.

Sarah was visibly upset. She said she understood, but I could tell she was disappointed. She mentioned that it wouldn't be the same without me, that it was a once-in-a-lifetime event, and that she expected her closest friends to be there. She also implied that I wasn't prioritizing our friendship.

I reiterated my offer to celebrate with her in other ways, but she's been distant ever since. Now, other friends are pressuring me to go, saying I should make the effort for Sarah. I feel terrible, but I also feel like I shouldn't have to jeopardize my financial goals for a wedding, no matter how much I love Sarah.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

2cents0fcks sais:

Tell her if she valued your friendship and your presence was important to her, she would cover your cost as part of her wedding expenses. (That's actually a pretty common thing for destination weddings.) NTA.

Electrical-Can-893 said:

NTA Destination weddings are cruel affairs. If you plan one you should accept that only your rich friends will attend.

MaeSilver909 said:

NTA. Sarah is not being a good friend to you. She knows you’re saving for a house and 5K is a lot of money.

Dear_Copy2650 said:

NTA - she chose to do the destination wedding. You’re willing to do as much as you can locally.

eregina3 said:

NTA. You gave what sounded like a heartfelt explanation as to why you can’t go and she gaslighted you. She is not a true friend.

oh_you_fancy_huh said:

NTA. If your presence is so important to her, and if she is so wealthy, then she can pay your way. It's just not possible for you to go, full stop.