'AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s wedding for replacing me as MOH?'
"AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s wedding for replacing me as MOH?"
Brilliant_Leave1602
8 months ago my best friend of 5+ years, we’ll call her A(21), announced she was getting married and asked me(21) to be her MOH. It was a no brainer for me because we’ve been each others’ best friends since middle school.
We spent months looking at wedding dresses, brides maids dresses, decorations, color schemes, going over the guest list etc. at this point everything was running smoothly and we were on great terms.
She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress and pitch in with money for everything. I knew money was tight for her and her fiancé so I wanted to help, especially considering how close we were.
Around 3 months until the wedding we were at a get together and were introduced to the gf of a friend of her fiancé and my bf, we’ll call her L. A seemed to click with L immediately, they exchanged numbers and made plans to get coffee at a later date that same night.
A week after the party I’m on ft with A and she’s basically gushing about L. Going on about how cool and funny L is, about her career, about all the places she’s already traveled at 20, how it’s such a small world because L’s mother works with her mother and A’s cousin used to babysit L’s little sister.
All I could do was listen as she went on and on considering I had no connection with this girl. I was happy for her that she met someone she seemed to have such chemistry with.
Not long after, I started noticing abnormal distance from A. If I texted it was at least 6 hours before I got a response every time. Other than ”girl can’t you text somebody back?” once, I didn’t bring it up and brushed it off as stress about everything involving her big day.
I started noticing pictures of L on her social media stories a lot. When she and I hung out, which wasn’t much atp, it was only to discuss wedding technicalities and what I would be contributing, financially or other. These times were also usually cut short due to a prior engagement she had with L that she had to rush off to.
At this point, the wedding was two weeks away. The morning of her bachelorette party, which I took the liberty of paying and throwing for her, something gave me the idea to ask if L was going to be a brides maid.
She looked at me as if she had some bad news to tell me. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner, I’m making L my MOH.” Obviously I was angry but I took this news with a smile as to not ruin the day for her.
Later that day at the party, I watched as A stood up with L and introduced her as her MOH. Most everyone clapped but a few of our friends looked at each other and then at me.
Everything about this went through me so I stormed out. I haven’t seen A in two months or had a real conversation about what happened. I’m conflicted about whether or not I’m completely in the wrong. Please let me know your thoughts on this, thanks.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Crazy-cat-0689
NTA but A definitely is and I would make her pay you back everything you spent on the wedding or take her to small claims court.
crystallz2000
This. OP, I would send her a text, "Since L is taking over as MOH, I'm assuming she'll be taking over the expenses of a MOH. I don't honestly mind who pays me back, if it's you or her, but I'm owed X amount of money, and I'd like that paid by the end of the week. Thanks."
PrideofCapetown
This was the scheme all along: make OP plan and pay for everything, and only tell her when there was no more planning to be done or bills to pay. Otherwise A would have been up front.
tonyrains80
NTA. Send that witch an invoice for the money you spent on her wedding. What a total AH she is. Make sure all mutual friends know you paid for a lot of stuff and she hasn't paid you back. Don't go meekly into the night.
BlueGreen_1956
NTA. You got used. Royally.
Block and ghost and forget about A. To L with her.
judgingA-holes
NTA - At all. She used you to help pay for her bridal stuff and then dropped you like a hot potato. Not only that but she dropped you for someone she had only known 3 months or so. I would block her on everything and move on with my life.
Chaoticgood790
Girl first mistake was pitching in for someone's wedding. If they cannot afford to get married they shouldn't be. Second was paying for the bach for someone that couldn't even text you back. You need a shiny spine so maybe start with getting the money back you paid for the wedding and the bachelorette. Get a spine. ASAP.
cthulularoo
You're not wrong. That's a complete diss. So you're expected to eat the cost of everything you've done as MOH without the honor of being one? She's made her intentions clear. NTA for being angry.
DivineGreekGoddess
NTA, but send her an itemized bill of all the money you “loaned” her for her wedding and requesting payment. If she refuses, small claims and blast her on social media with all the money she owes you because at this point this relationship is done and she proved that she was never your BFF and has only been using you.
50 Cent said it best…”if the roof on fire, let this MF burn”
Scorched earth baby! Take no prisoners, just your money back!