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Teen refused therapy after stepsister jealously destroys her last memory of her father. AITA?

Teen refused therapy after stepsister jealously destroys her last memory of her father. AITA?


"AITA for refusing to go to therapy with my stepsister?"


My stepsister and I (both 15f) used to be close. We became stepsisters at 6 and even though I never called her just my sister, I always thought of her as one of my best friends and a part of my family. The only source of conflict we ever had was my dad's family.

They never took my stepsister on as their family and when I'd go to visit them she'd get upset about it. She always felt that wasn't fair. My dad died and his family stayed in my life and loved me and made sure I had more people to love me.

But her mom left her and so did her mom's family. I know it made her jealous and I know we fought about it before. She'd beg me to let her come along but I always felt a little uncomfortable with that so I never asked.

Two months ago my stepsister wanted us to go to this convention an hour from where we live. She never said anything and bought the tickets online without asking her dad or me.

That same weekend I had plans to visit my great grandma for her birthday and was spending the night with her and my grandparents. When she did mention the convention it was like 3 days before and I refused to cancel seeing my family to go with her.

She told me she really wanted us to go and I could see my family any time. I told her my great grandma is older and I might not get to see her any time because she's in and out of the hospital a lot.

That weekend while I was gone my stepsister found the DVD my dad made for me before he died, which was his last goodbye to me. It was my comfort item. I had it in my room in my desk because I wanted it to be safe.

My stepsister broke the disk and tossed it in the trash in the mall before I got back. I went to watch it that night and it was gone. I told my mom and I was pretty hysterical and that's when she and my stepdad figured out what happened and I realized after.

I told my stepsister I hated her, I would never let her be my family again and we would never be friends again. She started crying and apologizing and I told her it didn't matter because she's dead to me.

My mom took me for ice cream to try and calm me down and cheer me up and my stepsister was grounded when I got back. Things have not blown over. I refuse to forgive her. I ignore her and make sure she's not allowed to touch me.

I leave the room if she comes in. I ignored her at school too. She was getting more and more upset. My mom and stepdad asked me to work on forgiving her and I said never.

They now want us to go to therapy together and I said no. I told them I won't go willingly and even if they make me, I won't take part in therapy. I said they can waste money if they want but I am not going to let her fix this.

I told them I wished she was never in my life, that I really hate her and I hope she ends up miserable and never getting over the guilt of what she did because I'll never forget. My mom and stepdad got mad at me over refusing and said I needed to learn to forgive. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


If your account is full and accurate, NTA. Therapy can't fix everything, and it can't fix anything that you're not ready and willing to work on. She destroyed your goodbye from your father and you may never get past that.

The OP responded here:


I never will be able to. I don't want to either. What she did is the worst thing she could have done to me easily.


NTA. This is one of those things where forgiveness isn’t even on the table.

Tell your Mom and Stepdad:

“My Dad’s death left a hole in my heart that no one and nothing can fill. She took the only thing that provided me any comfort. What she did changed the way I feel about her, think about her, and see her in terms of her character.

There is no way to change it back. Even when I am no longer angry, I will still see her as the same cold, heartless person that robbed me of my comfort because that is who she is to me and nothing you say or do will change that.”


Unfortunately the step sister went for the nuclear option and is now upset that she's expedience nuclear fallout. Some things in life you simply can't take back. Losing the last living memory of your father is one of them.

That said OP do you still have the disk? Is there a possibility of a backup? As for the parents, tell them simply "if stepdad/mom cheated on you and then beat you, could therapy fix your relationship?"


You're not an asshole. Your sister did something that will likely at least sting for a very, very long time. That said, therapy may be advantageous to you either way. Even if it doesn't "fix" things between you and your sister, it could:

Be an opportunity for you to talk to a therapist about your grief and rage, and you may receive some advice that's going to be useful for your own personal long-term healing, regardless of your sister.

Be an opportunity for you to understand why your sister did this. Even if you end up never forgiving her, at least you'll get more information about why it all happened and whether or not she's taking her actions seriously or not.

Many times, part of lasting trauma is never getting to understand why someone did the things she did-- so again, even if it doesn't heal your relationship, therapy where you're both present could mean you'll have fewer unresolved questions about what happened further down the line.

Additionally, if you go to therapy and even afterwards are like, "I have no interest in having a relationship with my sister." your family can't say you didn't try. This could prevent your parents or your sibling from trying to use that against you in the future.

Ultimately whether you have therapy or not, the choice will still be yours as to whether or not a relationship with your sister is even worth it. And you deserve to make that choice.

The young OP again responded:


I would rather go to therapy alone in the future if I need it than go with her to work on myself. I do not want to open up in front of her anymore. She doesn't get to hear me talk about things now. She's not someone I trust with anything important now.

I don't need more information. This was done as revenge to hurt me because she wasn't happy I went to see my family. Even if she gave some sob story, it wouldn't change anything for me or make things any easier for me. There are no unresolved questions for me.

My relationship with my stepsister isn't worth it. The DVD was more important to me than she would ever be. It was the last thing I had to hear my dad's voice and I'll never get to hear it again, never hear him sing to me again or tell me how much he loves me. She took that from me. She made sure I couldn't even try to get it back by taking it out of the house to toss it after she broke it.


I’m even more disturbed with your mom and stepdad after reading this. Next time tell those two all of these and tell them you care about yourself more than them because it’s obvious they care about their happy family play. You’re the only person who cares about you in that house. NTA.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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