'AITA for refusing to have kid outings with my brothers kids?'
"AITA for refusing to have kid outings with my brothers kids?"
Standard-Upstairs563
I (26f) do kid outings with my kids and my nieces and nephews on occasion. I don't take them all together. I'll break it up by family. So my oldest sisters kids and mine, then middle sisters, then my SIL (husband's sister) and I have tried to include my brothers kids. But my brother's kids are proving to be a problem for me and especially with the complaints from my brother's wife.
So my brother's oldest is his stepdaughter. He has been raising her from the age of four with his wife and after four years of marriage they also have a 1 year old together.
She isn't treated any differently than any other nieces and nephews but her behavior is too much for me and even when I can kinda manage, my decisions on how to causes problems. She's more demanding and will argue to get me to buy her a toy and tantrums when told no.
So I can avoid going near stores where she could see something in the window. But the problem is I will have them for enough hours that food gets involved and this is where my biggest problem remains.
She'll order more food than she can eat and if I say she needs to order less and can get more if she's still hungry, she'll sneak up and try to order more. If it's a place not fast food, she will ask for dessert and no lunch/dinner. If I say no she screams.
So I stopped having her as long or I'd time it when I wouldn't need to buy her food. But my brother's wife did not like that. She told me I feed all the other kids, I should feed hers.
Then she got pissed that I refused to spend the money on whatever she wanted me to order. I told her that's a lot of waste (both food and money). She told me it's not her problem. I told her I don't want it to be mine either.
My brother told me I shouldn't treat her differently and it's only going to cause more problems. I told him I don't enjoy doing this but she does not respect being told no or being asked to wait. The crap I got from my brother's wife built until I was like okay, I'm done, I can't win hear.
But now she's complaining because I don't take their kids on these outings. She told me I'm playing favorites with blood, even though the 1 year old IS blood and I'm not asking to just take them. I told her I would not take them in the conditions they expect me to meet.AITA?
Just some examples of the food she demands: McDonald's order she will ask for: 50 piece nuggets, large fries, deluxe quarter pounder with cheese and two shakes with two ice creams.
Local pizza place: her own large pizza, pasta bites, cheese pites and garlic bread sticks with a share dessert (this is a dessert usually meant for four). Sushi place: 4 sushi platters, two different kinds of fried rice and a big dessert (with 2-3 drinks).
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
SomeoneYouDontKnow70
NTA. If your SIL wants her kid to eat more than the other kids, she should pay the difference herself instead of imposing that burden on you. You're not obligated to parent your brother's kids.
Standard-Upstairs563 (OP)
It's not that she'll even eat all that. It goes to waste and the money is spent on it. But they don't want to pay. She feels it should be on me since I pay for the other kids. But they don't order more than they can eat.
Username1736294
Your SIL does realize that you pay for what the other kids eat, so I assume like a $4 happy meal… and not $52 worth of McDonald’s that will end up in the trash, right? Love that she says “not my problem” and that you need to deal with it, about her own child’s behavioral problems.
CuriousEmphasis7698
NTA. The kid is demanding unreasonable amounts of food and sounds like they are disruptive and having emotional regulation issues. How old is this kid? The quantities of food that you mentioned aren't reasonable or normal for an adult much less a kid.
Is the kid eating everything ordered or wasting a ton of food? I would have a serious talk with your brother because there may very well be a medical or mental health issue going on here.
Standard-Upstairs563 (OP)
She's 8 and her parents are not concerned. I have told them exactly how much she orders and the fact she doesn't eat anywhere near that amount.
mizfit416
Oh, no. I would stop with taking out to eat. Try a picnic with sandwiches. If princess doesn't like it, she doesn't eat. I don't envy you. NTA.
Standard-Upstairs563 (OP)
Yeah, that doesn't work very well either. So much trouble with snacks I tried to bring on a few outings. It's such a headache because she wants way more than she can eat and wastes food and money!!! Her parents don't want to pay for it either.
lmmontes
Not her problem? Wow, SIL, is entitled. I'd be vocal about why if others listen to her. NTA.
becoming_maxine
NTA. Tell your brother he is expecting you to treat his kids better then the rest of the cousins. You will not do that. Either he accepts that his SD gets treated the same as her cousins or she gets a play date that eliminates the problems she causes. It's not a matter of you choosing to give her less then her cousins. Its a case that you are not willing to give her more then her cousins.
Natural_Garbage7674
NTA. You aren't treating her differently, you're being asked to treat her like she's special. You're being asked to buy her more things and waste more money on her than any of the other kids.
They've overcorrected too far. Instead of reinforcing that she's no different from the other kids, they've come to the conclusion that she deserves more because they don't see her as equal.
Either they learn to effectively manage their child's expectations or they don't get help. If they want to waste enough food to feed a family of 4 and bankrupt themselves buying toys, that's their problem.