'AITA for refusing to help fund my sister’s wedding?' 'I have the money.'
"AITA for refusing to help fund my sister’s wedding even though I have the money?"
I (32M) have a younger sister, Mia (28F), who’s getting married in September. For context, we were close as kids, but in our adult lives, we’ve taken very different paths. I’ve always been the “planner” type, steady job, married, two small kids (3 and 1), and working toward buying a bigger house.
Mia’s a lot more spontaneous. She’s switched jobs a few times, had a few “finding herself” phases, and tends to lean on family for support when things don’t go to plan. Anyway, she’s planning a fairly big wedding, not crazy extravagant, but definitely pushing their budget.
A couple weeks ago, she called me in a panic because her fiancé’s parents pulled out of paying for part of the reception venue, which apparently leaves them about $4,500 short.
She asked if I could “help out with just $4,000” and framed it like I’d be saving the day. To be honest, I have been setting aside some extra money - with a bit of luck earlier this month, we managed to put away a chunk into our house savings fund.
I didn’t tell anyone how, but that little cushion gave us breathing room we hadn’t had in a while. My wife and I agreed it’s staying put for our future, either toward a house or emergency expenses.
I told Mia I couldn’t help, that we’re trying to be responsible and stick to our long-term plans. She didn’t say much at the time, but since then she’s made a few digs in the family group chat, like saying, “Some people are sitting on thousands while I’m over here about to get married in a public park.”
Then my mom got involved and said I should “help just this once” because “it’s what family does.” My dad thinks I’m doing the right thing, but he’s staying out of it. Now there’s this weird tension in the family, and my wife is annoyed because she feels like we’re being guilted for being financially stable.
I don’t want to burn bridges, but I also don’t want to get sucked into someone else’s poor planning just because I had a lucky break. AITA for saying no?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Chefnick500 said:
NTA, time for sis to trim the wedding to her budget…any family comments should be answered with” great I’ll tell sis you’re willing to contribute...don’t back down.
Feaross said:
NTA, marriage is a financial test; let them figure out how to do it.
EfficientSociety73 said:
NTA. No one that you didn’t have a hand in giving life to is entitled to your time, money, or attention. Your sister can either plan correctly or not spend so much for one day. It is not your responsibility to pay for her wedding just because she wants it.
jess1804 said:
NTA. Tell mother that you're not giving sister $4,000 daughter. This isn't a loan. Mom can give sister $4,000. Your house savings are not part of sister's wedding budget.
BadLuckBirb said:
NTA. I think you're going to have to stop discussing your finances with your family. Your sister clearly doesn't understand that just because you have a savings account doesn't mean you're sitting on money or hoarding it or whatever she thinks a savings account is.
k23_k23 said:
NTA. "Because “it’s what family does.”"...well, THEY definitely are not.
Lazuli_Rose said:
NTA. I been noticing in recent years that many people are expected to "help out" when their siblings get married. Whatever happened to doing what you can afford?
carl63_99 said:
NTA. Mom, Dad, you want her to have this $$$ wedding, you cough up the bucks. As a planner myself, I can't stand it when people make me give up my saved money for their lack of planning or restraint. Sis, Mom and Dad, and everyone else who tells you to give the money, AHs.
Crazy4Swayze420 said:
NTA. Your wife is absolutely correct to feel that way. Your Mom and Sister I don't think fully understand the implications of their actions and the long term damage being done.
I'd personally take a step back from the family to not have to deal with the tension. I'd also skip the wedding at this point. I just have a feeling things will be said about you and your wife not helping with money.