'AITA for refusing to help my sister and let her stay with me after she kicked me out?'

"AITA for refusing to help my sister after she kicked me out?"

So, I (21F) have a sister (27F) who has always had a bit of a rocky relationship with me. About six months ago, I was going through a tough time financially and emotionally after losing my job and breaking up with my boyfriend. My sister offered to let me stay with her until I got back on my feet. I was incredibly grateful and moved in with her.

Things were fine at first, but then she started setting really strict rules that made me feel like a prisoner in her home. No guests, no music, curfew by 8 (!) PM, etc. I did my best to follow her rules, but she would still find reasons to complain and criticize me.

One night, I came home an hour late because my bus got delayed, and she completely lost it. She accused me of being irresponsible and disrespectful, and in the heat of the argument, she told me to pack my things and leave. I had no choice but to move out that night and crash on a friend's couch.

Fast forward to now, I've managed to get a new job and a small apartment. Meanwhile, my sister has lost her job and is struggling to pay her rent. She called me a few days ago, asking if she could stay with me for a while. I told her no, explaining that I couldn't forget how she treated me when I needed help.

She got really upset and said I was being petty and holding a grudge. Our parents are divided on the issue. My mom thinks I should help her because "family is family," but my dad says it's my choice and understands why I don't want to. Some of my friends also think I'm being too harsh, while others agree with me. So, AITA for refusing to help my sister after she kicked me out?

Commenters had a lot to say.

catskilkid wrote:

NTA. Your sister did help out at first, but really went illogical and control crazy and kicked you out. You moved on and landed on your feet. Your sister now has problem and can't get her way and her solution is calling mommy. Where was your mother in supporting you under her harsh rules?

If family is family, then your mother is showing her true colors. Your sister can't seem to see the irony of this, and won't for some time. But after her treatment of you, you are NTA and have every right to deny her the assistance that she denied you.

extinct_diplodocus wrote:

NTA. What was in it for her when she helped you was a chance to exercise arbitrary power and control over you. She then threw you out with no notice the first time you broke one of her whimsical rules. Since you have no urge to make crazy rules and hold her to them, there's nothing in it for you to house someone who treated you so bad when she had the chance.

Coasterkindarush wrote:

NTA. If you don’t want to let someone move into your home, you don’t have to. However, is this you being petty? Or is it that you don’t want to deal with your sister's aggressive behavior? Just because she’s family does not mean you should help. You are not your sister's responsibility.

She can move in with your parents if it’s that bad or you could offer to help her financially or to research jobs and apartments for her and let her know you just don’t feel comfortable living with her after the last time.

TinkerPro wrote:

Where was your mom when sister was not honoring the “family is family” matter? You have a small apartment, where is she suppose to sleep and put her things? Stop talking to people about this. You don’t have to justify or explain your decision. Sister needs to figure it out.

FarmerBaker_3 wrote:

I have questions. You said that at first everything was fine when you moved in with her. How long was it before the rules kicked in? Were the rules a reaction to something you did she didn't like? Were you doing things at her house? That was disrupting her schedule?

I'm getting a vibe that she invited you in to help you out in a tough situation, But after a time discovered she really didn't like having you as a roommate. I think the timing really matters. If she was trying to push you out after a few days , then she may have been a bit unreasonable.

If you had been at her place for a month and driving her crazy, then I understand where she's coming from. Even though it didn't end well she did try to help you in your time of need. Maybe give her the same amount of time to sleep on your couch.

Grump_Curmudgeon wrote:

"Things were fine at first, but then she started setting really strict rules that made me feel like a prisoner in her home." INFO: How long were you there? Was it a month, two months, three months? In other words, were the rules a veiled attempt to let you know you'd overstayed your welcome?

Lower-Leather9681 wrote:

Tell her you’ll only let her stay if she lives in the exact same conditions you did when staying with her. If your mom is oh so worried about sister why not open her house?? Family is family my a-- Did your sister get that talk when she told you to pack your bags??? NTA.

darkstarr82 wrote:

NTA. She’s reaping the reward of what she sowed. Also, given her past behavior, it sounds like she would make your living situation a nightmare if you let her in. What’s to stop her from criticizing you again or trying to police you once she’s in the door?

LilMissPandaPants wrote:

INFO: where were your parents when you split from BF and when you were sleeping on a friends couch? Why can't she stay with them? Where do you live that you've both lost a job and apartment in the space of 6 months?

Your sister is accusing you of holding a grudge, so what? You can still be upset that she treated you badly and kicked you out over a curfew equal to that of a young child. If she thinks you're being petty, what was she?

It's not up to you to have an AH in a safe space you've had to create for yourself nor up to you to allow her in and apply the same rules to her. She can fix herself, it's not your job and you would NBTAH not to go back to what was an unpleasant living situation.