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Woman refuses to lend a hand to sister when she is 'the only person' who can help her.

Woman refuses to lend a hand to sister when she is 'the only person' who can help her.


"AITA for refusing to help my sister out when I'm the only person in our family she lives close to and she has children?"


I (31f) have not spoken to my sister in 10 years after she had an affair with my ex. I was with my ex from the age of 15 until we were 20. My sister was 19 at the time and the affair had been ongoing. Most likely they started the affair not that long after my sister turned 18.

My ex was the same age as me. My ex proposed to me while we were together, my sister was "helping" with that and encouraging me to marry him before he proposed. This was so he would be around and they could keep sleeping together.

We got engaged and a few months later my sister told me I couldn't marry him because she was pregnant with his child. She tried to salvage a relationship with me and asked me to understand and not be mad at her. I told her she was disgusting and I would never forgive her. I also told our parents what she had done.

I saw my sister once after her first child was born, a year or so after I had learned about the affair. She told me she missed me and she wanted her daughter to know her aunt.

She tried her best to get me to at least agree to a relationship with her daughter but I told her it was not possible and I was still not going to forgive her and I told her not to talk to me again.

My parents and extended family also stopped talking to her when she started dating him for real and they only resumed contact after they broke up. They then supported her because of the kids.

My parents couldn't bring themselves to turn their backs on their grandkids or to sever the relationship forever. I was fine with it because I do understand. But her having kids was not an incentive for me to repair things. I'm now happily married and a mom myself.

A few weeks ago my parents called and told me that my sister has been living 20 minutes from me for the last two years. They know I don't want to talk about her so until this point they had not.

She moved out of state for a job and then she lost the job and her landlord had told her she needed to be out in 60 days because he was repurposing the house. Without her original job and with no support network here she had turned to them.

She didn't want to pull her kids away from the place they were used to now and so my parents decided I should be the one to help. They told me if I could help her by putting her in touch with people for a job and maybe another rental it would be so amazing.

They wanted me to step in before the 60 days was up. I refused to help and told them I will never do a single thing for her again. They pleaded with me to reconsider and told me to think of the kids.

They asked me if I really hated my sister that much and I said yes. I told her it would be bad enough to be the affair partner, but to encourage me to get engaged and help him plan it while they were cheating behind my back was such a low thing to do.

I said the fact she stayed long enough to have another child with him also showed how little she really cared about me. They told me to be a better person than this. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. Your parents are fine to resume their relationship with their daughter separate from you. But they are completely out of line in demanding you do anything. And then trying to shame you when you do not comply is disgusting. They're the ones that need to be better people.

No contact is no contact. It doesn't mean no contact until I need to use you and your resources. Hard pass. The person most obligated to help the kids is their father and the people obligated to help her, if any, are her parents.


I hope OP can get to a place where she is indifferent about her sister, she isn’t worth hating. OP can’t trust her sister, and there is no mention that the sister has made the effort to get therapy. She hasn’t changed.

Why would you recommend someone with such poor judgment?


“Hey you should hire my sister. She’s unemployed and soon to be homeless due to a series of bad decisions. Also I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years because she had a multi-year affair with my then boyfriend who she actively convinced me to become engaged to so that she could continue seeing him in secret.

This only came out because she became pregnant, after which she continued dating my ex for over a year. Anyway you can probably trust her.”


I'm really glad someone gets it. There are so many comments acting like this is all over some slight in the past rather than OP being asked to put her current and future professional reputation in the hands of the person she trusts least on earth.


NTA. This is a blazing KARMA post. You do as you wish, but your sister figuratively and literally made her bed. This is NOT your issue and in fact your sister IS the reason there is an issue.

She herself has decided NOT to move because of the kids. So her becoming a burden on you again is ONLY because of the kids (including the one she had while cheating with your fiancé). You do you, but that is a BITTER PILL you are being asked to swallow.


Please hire my sister. Is she trustworthy ? Well, she had an affair with my then-fiancé. Is she a hard worker? I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her since she had an affair with my former fiancé. Please rent to my sister. Is she able to afford a lease? I don’t know, she’s currently unemployed. You’re NTA. She’s a real piece of work.



“Explain to me, please, why my sister is allowed to sleep with my partner, scheme to keep the affair going for YEARS, have his child, have ANOTHER child by him, and all the while show NO remorse, yet you are lecturing ME to be a better person?"

"How dare you. You want to help her so badly? Do it yourselves. I do not want to hear another word about this, or it will be the last word you say to me for a good long while.”

So, if you could give the OP any advice, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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