'AITA for refusing to invite my twin sister to my wedding after what she did?' UPDATE
"AITA For for refusing to invite my twin sister to my wedding?"
So I’m going to try keep a really long story concise as best as I can. I (F28) and my twin sister V (f28) were born to a teen mom who raised us the best she could but lead us both to having very different ways of dealing with abandonment and an unstable home life.
My mom has a very strained relationship with V since when she was 17 she started doing many different substances, partying alcohol and smoking. I being her sister always tried my best supporting her, as my mother did, but I was more a best friend whereas my mom was the one to force her to sort her life out, rehab etc.
I on the other hand turned out to be very obsessed with having control and structure in my life which has made it very difficult for me to maintain romantic relationships as I can be controlling and paranoid with abandonment. Cut forward to when I went to uni, V found herself in a very bad toxic relationship and practically cut off my mother which severed their relationship entirely.
She eventually got pregnant and gave birth to my nephew in my second year at uni. After struggling with romantic partners all my life and having very short term boyfriends, I met my ex fiancé (let’s call him D) who I genuinely thought I’d met the one. During this time V had broken up with her toxic ex and was now a single mother, so me and D would have her and my nephew over most weekends.
I however fell pregnant and a year after my daughter was born D proposed. I had never been happier for starting my family. We decided to wait a year to get married and genuinely enjoyed our new family life. However one weekend I decided to go see my mother and spend the day with her and my daughter, but we came home early since my mother became busy. When I arrived home,
I saw V’s car outside which wasn’t unusual and went inside, nothing would have prepared me for what I would find. V and D were alone together in my bedroom on my bed. It seemed like the deed had already been done. I went straight to packing for me and my daughter and left. I gave D no chance for excuses, and cut both of them out of my life entirely except for allowing D visitation to our daughter.
Jump forward three years I have barely spoken to V, except for when she pops back up into my life to apologise or explain, but I don’t care. There is no excuse she could give me. I am now engaged to my beautiful fiancé M and he loves my daughter and me more than I could ever imagine.
Although my mother is now begging me to invite my sister to my wedding coming up in June, saying to put the past in the past, since my mother has been able to forgive her and mend their relationship. I refuse which has caused tension, she’s telling me this may be the only way to fix our bond and for my daughter to have her aunt and cousin back. But I still refuse, so AITA?
What do you think? AITA? Or is she totally justified to not invite her sister to her wedding after what she did? This is what top commenters had to say:
Correct-Culture6329 said:
Majorly NTA. Your sister made her bed, slept in it with your man and had no remorse... If anything, your life would be better without her in it.
LeftAlbatross2546 said:
NTA at all. And, not everything can be fixed. Your sister did the ultimate betrayal. You would not invite an ex friend who did that to you to your wedding. Just because you share DNA with your sister doesn't change that. Your mother has a fantasy that all her kids will get along and will go back to the way it is. Your mother will never stop bothering you on that issue.
I don't blame you. I would not invite her either, if I were you. There is NO excuse for what happened. Once again, not everything can be fixed. Instead of worrying about this - have a GREAT time planning your wedding and getting married.
Maleficent-Art-4171 said:
NTA. Tell your mother you have no intention to mend your relationship. Ever. And that it would be better for her to accept it.
Dark_Tangential said:
NTA. Your twin sister has absolutely no excuse for doing what she did - because she has no excuse for “not knowing” how much such a fundamental betrayal would hurt you.
And MxBluMoon said:
NTA. Your wedding is about you and your fiance starting a new life together, and you should have the people you want there for it. It's NOT the "only way" to fix your relationship with your sister, and it's frankly kind of weird that your mom sees encroaching on such a big life event as the only way y'all can make amends.
Verdict: NTA.
UPDATE #1: I’m super overwhelmed by everyone and their support and responses, thank you to everyone. First of all I haven’t spoken to my mom yet and I’m going to see her tomorrow and intended to speak to her, but I’m also planning on reaching out to my sister myself and seeing her one on one maybe in the next week or so. To talk, not to invite her to my wedding, but simply to see what she has to say
since we have not had a sit down proper conversation in over three years, I just have not been up to talking with her. Now my life is stable and I’m happy I’m willing to hear her out, mainly for myself and closure, if not proper forgiveness for my own health. At this moment I have NO intention of inviting her, only to put my own thoughts at rest. I will keep you all updated after I speak to mom and V. Thank you
Months after her original post, she shared this second update:
Hi everyone, it’s been a while! I wanted to post a very much needed update since a lot has happened. So from my last post I said I was going to talk to my mom about V and let’s just say that conversation did not happen. Mainly because my mom had fallen out with V again regarding my nephew. But that stuff is irrelevant, but now my mom is not pressuring me to invite my sister.
However, I have spoken to V. We actually met up a few weeks ago since it has been a month of non stop calls, texts and Insta dm’s of her trying to get in contact with me. So I told her I’d meet but under the condition this would be our one and only time we would be speaking again.
It was all the usual excuses you’d expect, ‘I wasn’t myself’, ‘I was struggling’, ‘it wasn’t meant to happen’, which honestly annoyed me because I just wanted to hear her take accountability for what she had done originally. Yet I did learn some more information which I did see some people hinting at in the comments,
that the relationship that she had with my ex was not in fact a one time thing and had actually continued after I caught them and ended the relationship, they had only slept together once while we were still together, but had actually tried to make a relationship work for almost five months after we’d split up.
This just made me sick, the idea that my child’s father was playing happy families with my sister and nephew enraged me to the point I was screaming at her at the park we had decided to meet up in and leave her there. I wish I had never met up with her because it was just not worth my time.
Anyway since then I haven’t heard from her directly but she has been trying to guilt me through our mom who has said she’s had her on the phone every night crying and threatening to start using again. Her boyfriend has reached out to me asking to speak to me, which I haven’t responded to because I have never met him nor do I want to, and even reached out to my fiancé asking him to talk to me,
which has made him feel uncomfortable also. Tonight I have blocked my sister and her boyfriend. Although on a happier note, before we got down to the nitty gritty we managed to arrange a system that would allow my daughter and her son to still see each other and have a relationship through my mother who takes them on play dates and also brings mg nephew round for visits,
which has been such good progress since I adore and love my nephew and so does my daughter, and my sister has allowed him to attend my wedding in June with the accompaniment of my mom! Anyway that’s all for now, some positives and negatives, but I’m focusing on all the amazing positives in my life atm. Thank you for all the love and support ❤️