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'AITA for refusing to let my brother announce his engagement at my graduation party?'

'AITA for refusing to let my brother announce his engagement at my graduation party?'


"AITA for refusing to let my brother announce his engagement at my graduation party?"

I (25F) just graduated from medical school recently after years of hard work. My parents threw me a big graduation party at their house to celebrate this huge milestone.

My older brother "Matt" (28M) and his girlfriend of 3 years came to the party. During the party, Matt pulled me aside and asked if he could use the opportunity to announce his engagement to his girlfriend in front of the whole family.

I felt bad, but I told Matt "I'm sorry, but I have to say no. This is my graduation party to celebrate the culmination of years of work and I don’t want the focus shifted." It's a beautiful thing and of course the rest of the party people would be all about him and his (soon-to-be) Fiancé.. I don't think its fair to do it on my celebration.

Anybody who goes through medical school knows how exhausting this is. The past months I literally just worked and studied around the clock. I had countless breakdowns and tears and Matt knows that. He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.

I held firm that this was my day and it would be tacky for Matt to turn it into his engagement party. I am really happy for them and I am super proud of him too. He ended up storming out with his girlfriend. I gotta say that we usually have a great relationship and he is not like that. That's why I am so confused.

I try to see it from his perspective. I guess he had such a strong reaction because it's very important for him and he is not fully himself. It's a big step, I get it. I am not sure. I don't think it was unreasonable to want to keep the spotlight on my accomplishment for this one day without Matt hijacking it for his news. But my brother says I'm just bitter and controlling. Am I the a-hole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

bdayqueen said:

NTA - if he want an engagement celebration, he can plan the damn party. I'm so tired of people hijacking others celebrations.

DontBiteMyBroccoli said:

NTA. The fact that he asked and then got upset at the answer makes it seem like he was jealous of the attention and did want to steal it.

roseadmintalks said:

“He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.” NTA OP, your brother was deflecting and absolutely wanted to steal your thunder. His reaction, and then subsequent departure from the party, imo, trying to get people to notice that he was upset by storming out, tells on his real motives here.

Alternative-Cry-3517 said:

NTA. This engagement stuff stealing someone's grad party, wedding, baby shower, birthday, etc. is WAY OUT OF CONTROL. OP, you had every right to say no and your brother is an AH for trying to steal your moment regardless of his reasoning.

Stop taking on the guilt being pushed on you and instead consider how much anger you'd feel towards your brother for hijacking YOUR PARTY. People really need to plan their own engagment party. It's selfishness to the max to expect to be entitled to grab someone's moments. Good lord.

Also, I don't know how many of the women know beforehand if their boyfriends are planning a hijacking. I have a feeling a large number do not and should be mortified.

SnooRecipes9891 said:

NTA and you deserve to have this time be about you and the years to took to get there. His is just an engagement maybe he is the one with the issue of your accomplishments?

TarzanKitty said:

NTA. He had the nerve to accuse you of stealing his thunder? At your celebration? Announce a pregnancy at his wedding. Of course you don’t have to actually be pregnant for this to work.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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