'AITA for refusing to let my parents move into my new house? Extended family thinks I am.'

"AITA for refusing to let my parents move into my new house?"

I (34M) recently bought my first home after years of hard work and saving. It’s a modest but beautiful house in a quiet neighborhood, and I’m incredibly proud of achieving this milestone.

My parents (both in their late 60s) currently live in a rented apartment, and while they’re not struggling financially, they’ve expressed concerns about retirement and wanting a more stable living arrangement. After I announced my house purchase, they approached me with the idea of moving in with me. They said it would give them a chance to downsize, save money, and spend more time with me.

While I love my parents and respect everything they’ve done for me, I was honest and told them that I wanted this house to be my personal space. I’ve lived with them most of my life, and I was looking forward to having my independence. They didn’t take it well. They accused me of being ungrateful, reminding me that they sacrificed a lot to support me through college and early adulthood.

They even suggested that I owe it to them to give back now that I’m in a better financial position. Some extended family members also chimed in, saying I should "honor" my parents by letting them live with me. I tried explaining that while I’m happy to help them in other ways, like assisting with rent or finding a better place for them, I’m not ready to share my home.

It’s not about them personally; it’s about finally having a space that’s mine. Despite this, they continue to pressure me, and now I’m starting to feel like I might actually be selfish for saying no. So, AITA for refusing to let my parents move into my new house?

The internet kept the comments rolling in.

Connect_Tackle299 wrote:

NTA the minute you allow them into your home they will try to go back to the parent/child relationship and try to control every aspect and have no respect for you.

Don't do it. Save your sanity.

jerzey4life wrote:

NTA you have every right to have your own space. Because let me tell you once you start helping them their entitlement will reach new highs. Just you watch. Seen it time and time again. Stand your ground. Keep healthy boundaries and remember they did their job as parent and it’s not for a pay day at the end. They made those choices. And they need to be okay with them.

Laquila wrote:

Your parents are being ridiculous and selfish. When you choose to have kids, you raise them, and then you set them free, to create their own independent lives and relationships of their own, and perhaps kids of their own. Just like your parents did. Just like I did. Read between the lines. If they moved in, they're in for life. You are their retirement plan and free elder care, they're not going anywhere.

Good luck in finding a significant other who would put up with that! They'd basically ruin your life. Keep saying no. Just the one word "No", which is a complete sentence. If they don't stop, end the conversation and put them on a time-out. Go live your life, you only get one. I'm speaking as a mom of two adults around your age, and I'd never dream of doing this s--t to them. NTA.

zyzmog wrote:

It's interesting that OP offered to help his parents in other $ignificant ways, but they Want That House. There's more going on behind the scenes here that we cannot see, but the bottom line is that OP is def not an AH.

NTA.

JanetInSpain wrote:

NTA they chose to birth you and it was literally their job to feed, house, and clothe you in addition to raising you to adulthood. No adult child "owes" their parents. The whole point of parenthood is to raise independent, capable, successful adults with their own lives. Wanting your own life and the privacy and reward of your own home is NOT selfish. Do not let anyone guilt you into changing your mind.

Active-Worker-3845 wrote:

I'm 74. Stand your ground. If they move in, they will further encroach on your life. I don't understand how parents do and say these things. And other family chiming in. Good grief. And if you wish to marry, s/he would be in a difficult situation. Best of luck. Congratulations on the house. Sounds like an amazing first house, especially given the RE market.

Pacific_Red wrote:

Your kitchen will be your mom’s kitchen. Your living room will be your dad’s living room. Your TV will be their tv. Your schedule will be theirs to critique. Your design choices will become your mom’s to approve. You will be stressed, anxious, and second-tier. In your own house.

Now. That being said. I look forward to the day I can offer housing to my aging parents… in their late 70s and 80s. I’ll have a bigger house, more space, and they’ll likely need support. It’ll be my choice. You’re in your FIRST house for the first time, and your parents are healthy! This boundary doesn’t need to be crossed yet. Shame on them for shaming you.

AubergineForestGreen wrote:

If you move them in there was no point of you buying your own place. You could have just stayed in the family home. Your parents don’t want you to have a life outside of their control. Move, don’t tell them where you live till they start behaving right.

Nanabanafofana wrote:

NTA. Oh, boy! Here comes the guilt tripping and manipulation. I have the feeling that this is not new to you. None of those reasons are a benefit to you. Let them continue their current lifestyle. It’s time for you to declare your independence. Give them an inch and they will take a mile is a truism for a reason.

Ill_Industry6452 wrote:

NTA. From the perspective of an older person, you need the independence of living alone. They need to figure out their own lives. I get along well with the grandkids who live with me, but if they get to a place where they want their own home, I will not insist on moving in with them.