'AITA for refusing to loan a co-worker money and making it so no one else would?'

"AITA for not only refusing to loan a co-worker money but making it so no one else would?"

I have this co-worker "Ann." We both work in a hospital but different departments. Ann and I come from the same hometown and for that reason, she seems to think we're friends. I don't mean this to be cruel, before she said hi to me, I didn't even know she had moved here. I didn't know her back home but her family sort of knows my family (think 2nd cousins' neighbors.)

From early on, I realized that Ann was... bad with money, she would borrow increasing amounts of money over time from me and not repay it. She bought designer clothes and ate takeout around payday then somehow would run out. She apparently doesn't qualify for a credit card (I wonder why).

You might wonder why I kept giving it to her. The first time she borrowed money, she paid is back fairly quickly. The next time, she took a bit longer but eventually paid it. Then next time.. you get the picture.Then she just stopped.

For the last 3 months, she has borrowed money and when I refused or said I didn't have enough, she'd tell a sob story "her baby has no formula", "she doesn't have many for taxi fare", "she hasn't eaten in 2 days", "her landlord might kick her out."

I caved the first and second time but this time, I refused. She first came to me and said, "I know I haven't paid you for the last 3 months but this next paycheck, I'll pay you back. Please help, my lights have been cut and the baby formula is nearly gone." Obviously I said no.

Then she went nuclear. Well, chose the nuclear option. I think she realized that if she asked me in front of other people, I would be less likely to say no. So she asked me during my lunch break. I was with some friends and other co-workers and she told the sob story again and laid it on thick with the tears.

Here is where I might have been the a-hole. Instead of just saying no, I said, "You already owe over 2k and you want to add more? I know you won't pay me back because you haven't paid me back the last 3 months. "

Now, our hospital is not that big and I guess news spread because she sent me a text saying I have poisoned the well for her. No one will loan her money because they heard that she doesn't pay and her baby will go hungry." I went a reply saying I'm not responsible for her irresponsible spending and if her baby goes hungry, it's her fault not mine" then blocked her.

Now she's blasting me on social media talking about "disloyal friends who will drop you when the chips are down". I honestly don't care about that (again, we're not friends) but now there are colleague's who say I should maybe help her out for the sake of the baby.

When I told them if they feel that way, they can loan her the money, nothing is stopping them. That colleague said that was a cold and cruel response. So AITA? I could have just kept it to myself.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

International-Fee255 said:

NTA. Poisoned the well?? She sees you and her other co-workers as an extra wallet she can dip into whenever necessary! That's crazy to me. She's a grown woman with a child, she can sell her fancy clothes to pay for formula.

And you are right, if people feel bad they can hand over their own money, it's no up to you to financially support anyone at work. Don't lend money to anyone else. Child services should be involved if she can't keep her child fed.

hermeshall said:

NTA - it's not like you started that conversation in front of other people - she did, probably to exploit social pressure. Her past inability to pay you back is a valid reason to explain why you won't give her money again. Would be different if she had asked in private and you shared the answer in public, but that was not the case.

Revolutionary_Age567 said:

Nta. She tried to shame you into loaning her money and you responded honestly. You were not cruel to refuse her in public. If others want to enable her irresponsibility, they can loan her money.

Organic-Mix-9422 said:

So she can ask you in front of others to guilt trip you, bit as soon as you answer honestly in front of others it's suddenly you wrong. Love her twisted logic and audacity. Well done and NTA.

thearticulategrunt said:

NTA, she's a leech and needs to grow up and figure out basic finances.

jennabenav said:

NTA. She seems manipulative and very irresponsible and childish. You did the right thing by not adding to.her debt. Let her pay you back first.