Pregnant woman labeled disrespectful for rejecting generational baby name. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to name my baby after my partner’s family tradition? (F27, M30)"
I (27F) am currently 8 months pregnant with my first child, a baby girl, with my partner, Luke (30M). We’re beyond excited to meet her and have been working on all the preparations—nursery, baby gear, parenting books—you name it. But we’ve hit a massive wall over one thing: her name.
Luke’s family has a “tradition” where every firstborn girl is named “Agatha.” His great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother all have this name, and apparently, it’s non-negotiable for his family that we carry it on.
To be clear, Agatha is a fine name, but it’s just not the vibe I want for our daughter. I’ve always loved unique, modern names, and I feel like our daughter should have her own identity, not a hand-me-down name that she didn’t choose.
I’ve tried compromising. I suggested using Agatha as her middle name or even giving her a modern name with a similar vibe, like “Ayla” or “Athena.” But Luke and his family are adamant. They’ve called me selfish, disrespectful, and even said I’m trying to “erase their legacy.”
His mom keeps sending me baby blankets embroidered with “Baby Agatha” like it’s already decided, and his grandmother made a big speech at Thanksgiving about how she’s “so proud to welcome another Agatha to the family.”
I’ve told Luke that while I respect his family’s tradition, it’s our daughter, and I want us to agree on a name that feels right to both of us. He says I’m overcomplicating this and should just “honor the tradition” since it’s clearly so important to them.
Here’s the kicker: I found out that Luke himself hates his own family name, which was passed down to him through their boy tradition. He goes by his middle name because he thinks “Horace” (his real first name) is embarrassing.
When I brought this up, he said, “Yeah, but that’s different.” Now I’m getting the silent treatment from his mom, guilt trips from his grandma, and Luke is acting like I’m being unreasonable for standing my ground.
My friends are split—some say I should just give in to avoid family drama, while others agree this is a hill worth dying on. So, am I the a**hole for refusing to name my baby after my partner’s “sacred” family tradition?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
When I brought this up, he said, “Yeah, but that’s different.”
Why don't you name her after your boyfriend "Hypocritica" has a nice ring to it.
Aw, that's cute to name her after her father. What a lovely new tradition you could start.
Horace and Agatha. Does his family hate babies?
Both were quite popular names generations ago, nothing wrong with either name, but expecting it to continue for HOWWWW many generations? It's just unreasonable behavior.
I honestly think you should begin calling him Horace immediately at every single opportunity to use his name. Multiple times per sentence. And make a point that YOUR family has a tradition of giving every child their own unique name.
Does he even actually like the name Agatha or is he just acquiescing to avoid conflict with his parents? I think the name itself is fine too, Aggie is adorable, but are they always such bullies and he just caves to it?
"Definitely NTA. It's your child, not a family heirloom! Traditions are nice, but they shouldn't override what feels right for you as parents. Stick to your guns and choose a name you both love. 😊
Kind-Pomegranate-748 (OP)
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel. Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t feel like chains. I just want my daughter to have a name that feels special to her, not one chosen out of pressure!
NTA. Stand your ground. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. YOUR child not theirs. Agatha is an awful name anyway.
Kind-Pomegranate-748 (OP)
Thank you for the support! The ‘peer pressure from dead people’ line made me laugh—so true. I just want her to have a name she can be proud of and one that feels right for us as her parents.
NTA. It's reasonable to want a name you both love for your daughter. You've already compromised by offering "Agatha" as a middle name, but Luke and his family’s insistence is unfair. His own discomfort with his name adds inconsistency. It’s your child, and both parents should have equal input.
Kind-Pomegranate-748 (OP)
Thank you for understanding! Offering it as a middle name felt like a fair compromise to honor their tradition without it defining her identity. It’s frustrating that Luke doesn’t see the double standard.
NTA. Baby names should always require two yeses. Having said that, if you do go with Agatha as the first name, I insist you use Christie as the middle name.
Kind-Pomegranate-748 (OP)
Two yeses should definitely be the rule! And while I appreciate the clever Christie suggestion, I still think our daughter deserves a name that’s uniquely hers. But points for creativity!
NTA be blunt “if I’d have known this is what you would try and insist on I wouldn’t have had a baby with you”
NTA. His mother can buy a dog and call it Agatha if it’s such an important name to her. Your child is already going to get your husband’s last name I presume, so they need to let you have a say in her first name at least! And the names suggestions you came up with are nice and kind of a compromise (that you really don’t need to make).
NTA - particularly if baby is also expected to take the father's last name too. Half your genes, more than half the effort to grow the child, you have your say! Family tradition is peer pressure by a different name.