I (28F) am pregnant with my first child, a boy, due in a few months. My husband (29M) and I have been discussing names for a while and finally agreed on one we both love.
However, my mom recently suggested we name the baby after my late brother, Ethan, who passed away when I was 16. Ethan was 20 when he died in a car accident, and while it was tragic, he and I were not close.
In fact, he bullied me a lot growing up, calling me names, mocking my interests, and even getting physical a few times. My parents always brushed it off as “siblings being siblings,” but it left me with a lot of resentment.
When my mom suggested we name the baby Ethan, I politely said no. She got upset and said it would be a beautiful way to honor my brother’s memory. When I explained how I felt about Ethan and our relationship, she told me I was being “cold-hearted” and “disrespecting the dead.”
Other family members have chimed in, saying I’m being selfish and that I need to think about what this would mean to my mom, not just myself. My husband is completely supportive of my decision and says it’s our baby, so the name should reflect what we want, not what others want.
But now I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unfair to my mom, who’s clearly still grieving.
AITA for refusing to name my son after my late brother?
No, you’re entitled to name your son whatever you want to. Definitely NTA.
Honestly this, and props to hubby for stepping up too. It's your child and up to you guys.
You’re not being unfair. Naming your child is a personal decision, and your feelings about your brother are valid. Your mom’s grief doesn’t override your right to choose a name that feels right for you and your family.
NTA. And tell your mother that maybe you would have better memories of your brother if she did anything when you told her he was bullying you.
Tell her to have another one. This one is yours. NTA.
NTA. Since your parents preferred your brother, naming your child after him could lead to a very unhealthy situation there. If your parents are usually this overbearing, toxic and unsupportive, I'd be reconsidering their role in your kid's life in general.
Hey OP? I am going to recommend taking the time to figure out some males that your mother hates. Did she have one that bullied her? A boss that hit on her inappropriately? An abusive ex?
Hunt for those names, pick the brains of relatives (but don't tell them what for, maybe that you know your mom had to have been bullied or abused and should understand). You have until the baby is born to find that name or those names.
Tell her the baby's name, with the first and middle being named after two of the biggest AHs she's had to deal with. Don't actually name him that, but if you can dig up a name with some trauma attached, more power to you.
Present your actual name as something you'd settle for, but you really like the names you told her, it shouldn't matter that she has bad memories of horrible people like that, blah blah blah.
Two can play this game, you just need to play it *much* better so that she shuts up about the name. And you can make her look like an idiot to relatives, because of course you have NO idea why she's so upset at the name of her grandbaby, etc. and it's so ridiculous that because she knew someone else with that name and didn't like that person, now it's suddenly off-limits for YOUR baby.
And not just one name, BOTH names! So start digging, and give her a name that horrifies her and reminds her of her trauma...just like she wanted to force you to name your own baby.
NTA Your child is not a replacement or stand in for the son they lost.
NTA. Am being honest here. Your mother is being a b-word. They don’t have a say in naming your baby. Honestly just because your brother is dead it doesn’t mean love will bloom because of it. I know because if my father drops dead tomorrow I’ll never feel a shred of sympathy. Set firm boundaries. And congratulations on your baby’s arrival ❤️
To anyone that tells you how much this would mean to your mum "Aw wonderful, I'll let mum know that you're happy to name your kid/grandkid after Ethan. She'll find that so special. Im still not going to but thank you, she'll be so happy".
You send out a family chat or email:
"Hi everyone,
It has come to our attention by direct or indirect conversations about how people feel about me and husband not naming our baby X.
We have picked a name that we both like and will be moving forward with that name. I’m sorry people do not like this but we are the parents and have the right to pick a name without the opinions of others. I understand people feel like they have a right to voice how they feel but it will not change our minds about the one we picked.
We do not want our child to love in the shadows of another, I did not have a good/close relationship with my brother and he would bully me on regular basis. This is also another reason we would never consider name our child after him. We would appreciate of you could keep your opinions on the name to yourself as we will not be changing it. Thanks."