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'AITA for refusing to pay for my stepdaughter’s tuition because she never liked me?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to pay for my stepdaughter’s tuition because she never liked me?' UPDATED


"AITA for refusing to pay for my step daughter’s tuition because she never liked me?"

I F39 married my husband m54 6 years ago. Together 8. He has two children m20 and f19, Emma. I have a daughter f9. I was a widow when I met my husband. Emma had severe issues with her father getting married again while her brother got along very well with me and my daughter.

He is the best older brother out there. Emma did not like me and she treated my daughter very badly too to the degree that she almost never left my arms when her sister was home. When Emma was 15 she permanently moved to live with her mother.

My deseased husband left me a small fortune when he passed that I never touched since I had a good job and never wanted anything more. So last year I helped paying my stepson’s tuition. I am planning to do that with my daughter too, and the rest I will add to my daughter.

My step daughter is very angry now calling me the ah. Am I? I never had a good relationship with her. She always hated me and I don’t think she’s becoming a good person. Honestly, I would rather leave more to my daughter than pay for her ungrateful a$s. My husband is sad because he thinks I am being unjust. I am very sad about it but I still don’t feel I am the AH.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

northerntropicaz said:

NTA. She has no claim on your money. She hasn’t treated you as family so you don’t have to treat her as family. Your husband should feel blessed you chose to give some of your first husband’s money to his son. Not many people would do this. She is not entitled to anything from you when she can’t even give you respect for how father feels about you.

La-Gioconda said:

"Since you didn't want to have a relationship with me, that caused me to be under the impression that you wanted nothing else from me either. Please correct me if I've assumed wrongly, and explain to me how you think this should work?" Ask her to say the words and speak them out loud. NTA.

CrankyWife said:

NTA. Emma has two parents who can fund her. She's not your child; she's not even your friend. Tell hubby if he wants everyone to be equal then you will withdraw from helping his son. They're all ungrateful. Instead of being appreciative of what you are giving, they look at what else they can demand from you. Emma's parents are getting a break by your paying brother's tuition, so they can put more of their assets towards Emma to make it "fair" if they want. Step-parent does not mean they are entitled to your assets.

Immediate_Loss_4370 said:

NTA, your step-daughter made her choice in being against her father remarrying and choosing to take that out on you and your daughter. Your stepson clearly could look past that and accepted being part of a blended family. When your step-daughter was old enough, she made a choice to leave. All her choices. Kids need to learn that behaviors have consequences, both good and bad depending on the behavior. She choose wrong and that is not on you. Your husband needs to understand that too.

So definitely NTA. I was in a relationship with someone who had 3 children, and they all took different actions against me because they did not want their mother in another relationship. The mother disagreed with me on any discipline at all. The kids actions were significant. The oldest stole my car and caused thousands in damage joyriding.

Daughter stole cash and items, youngest was not as bad, but would bump into me, fall and claim I shoved him. None believed actions had consequences. I left. They begged me to come back because their mother couldn't afford to pay the bills without help. It sounds like this girl isn't going to learn a lesson from this, but stick to your guns, and make it clear this is a consequence of how she treated you and your daughter.

Wymas123 said:

Your step daughter has two parents that are alive. It is 100% up to them to save for their children's college fees. It was extremely generous of you to pay for your stepson and your husband should be kissing your behind in gratitude. The money that your deceased husband left should go to your daughter. Your stepdaughter has made her own bed. Let her parents sort it between them. NTA.

teresajs said:

NTA. Your husband and his Ex can use the money they saved by not having to support their son's college expenses to help cover Emma's expenses. Your husband doesn't get to tell you how to spend your premarital assets. And it's unfair of him to use emotions to guilt you.


Hi! Thanks this is my update: “Hi Emma! Unfortunately, I have no means to pay for your education nor do I understand why you would expect me to however I can help with finding you student jobs on evenings and weekends. I know many children doing that including myself...Wish you good luck."

Emma: “Ok, ok whatever, b$tch."

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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