'AITA for refusing to share a bed with my ex-wife while we're on vacation?'

"AITA for refusing to share a bed with my ex-wife?"

I (41M) was married to my ex-wife (37F) for a while. We started dating when she was 24. Although she had more sexual experience than me at the time, she said I was the first guy to treat her to proper dates and not just casual hookups. We got engaged 20 months after we met, got married, and eventually had our daughter, who’s now 12.

My ex always seemed to be searching for something more in life, but I couldn’t figure out exactly what. Over time, that dissatisfaction grew, and our marriage unraveled when she cheated. I don’t let that affect me too much, though it still stings. We separated two years ago, and our divorce was finalized last year.

Since then, I haven’t dated seriously, but she moved on pretty quickly. She dated a few guys before settling with Mark (45M) about 10 months ago. He seems like a good guy, and my daughter likes him, so I don’t have any issues with him.

Mark is a former football player, so he’s got a solid, athletic build. You can tell he had a lot of muscle back in the day, but now he’s in that "muscular but carrying some extra weight" phase. Not unhealthy, just not as fit as he used to be, think Shaq post-retirement.

I have a beach house that we used to visit as a family, but after the divorce, I’ve been taking my daughter there on weekends. Last week, when I went to pick her up at my ex’s house, she asked if she could come along because Mark was away on a work trip, and she was bored. I said sure, no problem.

The issue came up that night when she hopped into bed with me, like we were still married. I asked about it, and she told me Mark wouldn’t mind. Nothing happened of course but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation.

A few days later, she texted asking if she could stay again while Mark was busy next week. I waited to talk to her in person, and I explained that I wasn’t okay with her sharing my bed while she’s in a relationship. She said Mark wouldn’t mind, but I asked if I could hear that directly from him. She got upset and accused me of being jealous of her relationship. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

KronkLaSworda said:

Who cares if Mark wants it. Do YOU want it? Signs point to no. She can find a new place to vacation. Stop bringing your ex places. NTA

Edit: Some of y'all are missing the point of my statement. OP clearly doesn't want to share a bed, and that's reason enough to say no. Mark's opinion doesn't even enter into this. The OP should say no for his own sake.

LipstickSnare said:

This isn’t complicated. She’s in a relationship, Op is her ex. Crawling into his bed is inappropriate no matter what excuse she gives 🤦‍♀️

jrm1102 said:

NTA - you dont have to share a bed with anyone you dont want to

But uhhh this is, strange.

TheRoadkillRapunzel said:

NTA. She’s a cheater. She might be looking to do it again. Don’t let her use you.

StockAdhesiveness351 said:

Sounds like she's bored of Mark, or now you look more physically fit than Mark so now she wants wants a taste.

I hope your daughter takes after you and not her mother.

or now you look more physically fit than Mark

OP responded:

I don't know how she feels about my looks compared to Mark's but I am pretty sure Mark could take me if it comes to a physical confrontation, so that is yet another reason to avoid getting involved in this whole thing.

Erokengo said:

Hahaha, not sure I'd buy Mark "not minding" if I didn't hear it from his mouth. Also, what relevance did his physical description have to the scenario?

And OP responded:

LOL, you are right that paragraph feels weird now. This post was originally waaay longer and explained more of the context of my relationship with my ex and her taste in men but I cut it out most of it and forgot to remove that part about Mark.