'AITA for refusing to sign an NDA from my politician ex who was my boss at the time?'

"AITA for refusing to sign an NDA from an ex?"

Years ago, I briefly dated my boss’s boss while working on a political campaign. I was 22 at the time and he was 24 or 25 I think. It was really intense and didn’t end well. Basically I was looking for a relationship, he just wanted to hook up, and it took me about 3-4 months to figure out that he was just feeding me lines to keep me around.

Once I realized that, I broke up with him. He took it terribly. He’s a dick. The campaign ended a couple of weeks later and I figured I’d never have to see him again.

He ended up going to law school and staying in politics. He’s now an elected official and has been reelected a couple times. He’s gone viral a couple of times and gets really positive media coverage. I remember from our dating days that he has big political aspirations. And he’s built up quite the network so I think he can go far.

Welp, I kind of figured this would eventually happen, but recently a member of his team reached out asking me to sign an NDA. It makes sense because I certainly have memories of him admitting things to me - as well as my own direct experiences - that aren’t flattering.

Campaigns are super intense (100hr work weeks without a single day off for months at a time; people end up doing crazy things to win). I got the impression even back then that he was surprised and nervous about how much he opened up to me. I thought I was just having deep conversations with someone I really cared about; it took me way too long to realize he wasn’t really capable of caring about me.

I don’t really blame him for how he was back then. He was an arrogant young man and I was an inexperienced, naive young woman, and we were both under insane pressure. I certainly learned a LOT about myself and humanity from the 8 months I worked alongside him. I moved on and don’t hold anything against him today. That was a long time ago.

At the same time, I really don’t want to sign an NDA. It doesn’t seem fair or necessary. And who knows, there might be a day someday where he says or does something relevant that makes me want to share something. I think free speech and accountability are important and I have no idea what the future holds.

But I also don’t want to be a jerk. I have no plans to say anything anyway, so not signing would just cause him unnecessary stress. He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative. AITAH if I don’t sign?

Edited: I forgot to mention that the NDA didn’t come with any offer of money. It was just strongly worded with intimidating language. I could counter with a demand for money but that just feels like throwing my morals out the window entirely. I don’t want anything to do with that world.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Lonely_Noyaaa said:

If nothing you experienced was illegal or unethical, it’s interesting that his team feels the need to lock you into silence now.

Hot_Needleworker4631 said:

In my area a NDA has to offer you something in return to be enforceable. Ask them how much they're willing to pay for your silence 😅 Based on the number they give you, it would be worth it to try and remember what he said or did that would be worth that figure.

I wouldn't sign anything, but it's worth considering if there are ways this person can make your life very difficult and have contingencies in place. Famous, well liked politicians have social capital to spare and you said yourself he would pull any dirty trick to win. Don't make the mistake of imagining you're immune to those tricks. NTA but be cautious.

NervousBrother7058 said:

My exact response would be: "lol no." You are not legally compelled to sign anything like this and don't let anyone manipulate or intimidate you into thinking you are. It does not make you a jerk to refuse to put your signature on something you don't feel comfortable with. If he's stressed because his own actions might have consequences, boo hoo.

He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative. I think it's actually hilariously powerful for you to not bend over backwards to prove something you never needed to prove to him. He wants to think you're difficult because you have boundaries? Ok, let him. Not your problem. Signing this to make him think you're not difficult is just allowing him to control you years after the fact.

NTA, don't sign it.

And Top-Bit85 said:

Don't sign anything. I wonder what he is trying to hide?

I agree with you that free speech and accountability are important. You know this guy is a dick, don't let him bully you into signing.

OP then shared this response to commenters:

Wow, thank you for the responses! I was legitimately expecting a sea of “YTA - why are you being difficult for the sake of being difficult, he can do some real good with his career, stop stressing him out”.