'AITA for refusing to sleep in my boyfriend’s dirty bed? He said I was being ridiculous.'
"AITA for refusing to sleep in my boyfriend’s dirty bed?"
Last night I (41 F) had planned to stay the night at my boyfriend’s place (39), who lives about an hour away from me. We went out to watch a band play, had a good time, and grabbed some food on the way back.
My bf knows that I’m particular about the bed, and I almost always change his bedsheets when I come over, because he rarely changes them. Well last night, when I was going to change the bed, he wouldn’t let me.
He had a dirty, ripped up fitted sheet that wasn’t even stretched over the entire mattress leaving half of it bare, and the side that was covered was full of big holes revealing the dirty mattress underneath. I told him there was no way I was sleeping in a bed like that and asked him to let me fix it. It would have taken me 3 minutes, and he didn’t have to do anything.
He said the bed was fine; turned out the lights and hopped in. I continued to beg him to let me put fresh sheets on and threatened to drive home but he said I was being ridiculous. I asked if I could get a blanket to lie on the couch and he threw a dirty stained mattress cover at me and said “use this." So I left and drove all the way home, at 2AM.
We had planned to go to his family’s the next morning, but I told him as I was leaving that I wasn’t driving all the way back. The next morning he was calling me asking why I wasn’t at his family’s as planned. I told him I wasn’t driving all the way back after having to drive home last night. He said I was rude for not going to his family’s and is now mad me.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Candid-Sense-7523 wrote:
Any boyfriend/girlfriend who cares about their partner’s comfort, would make a decent effort to provide them with a clean bed to sleep on.
That this man expects you to sleep on a dirty mattress, with sheets that are dirty and torn, speaks quite plainly as to the level of effort he is willing to go to in order for you to be comfortable; and add to that, he is actively preventing you from making yourself comfortable even though it would cost him nothing more than a few minutes and absolutely no effort from him. Think about that. NTA.
SarahLuceyLahey wrote:
No you’re not. What kind of degenerate does that. Even in my most stoner, dr-ggy, party blacked out era I’d never make my friend sleep on a used mattress with no clean sheet, throw a dirty blanket on them or make them feel disrespected in my own home that they’d drive off at 2AM.
adamhawley wrote:
NTA and seriously reconsider being in that relationship. It takes absolutely no time at all to change the sheets and the fact he made such a huge deal about it is a major red flag.
CaptHook67 wrote:
You are seriously NTAH and at his age I would dump him as he is flat out nasty and an AH. Then to act like that about the family thing on top says narcissist as well making it out to be your fault. I’ve dumped a girl for being nasty and didn’t think twice about it and I’m not perfect myself. Do the same.
CarrotBacon wrote:
I'm just wondering why you're with this guy? He's apparently nasty. Wanting a decently clean bed is not "being particular," it's called being a functional adult. His lack of hygiene and overall nastiness obviously bothers you. This is how he is, he's NOT changing, and the fact that he wouldn't even "let" you change his sheets for him is just...something else. NTA.
PrincessMalena wrote:
That’s revolting. NTA. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Clean sheets is the bare minimum, and he threw a dirty mattress cover at you? I don’t know you or your relationship and if you were my friend irl I’d be asking you some serious questions about why you’re with someone who treats you like that.
Strange_Lady wrote:
Eeewwww. Lady...you are too old to be entertaining this level of nonsense. (Eta: coming from a fellow 40 yo lady). This is something teenaged and college-aged kids do, and even that is not the norm. A 39 yo man acting like that is just Yuckkkk. Heed the very obvious red flag this man is quite literally throwing at you and dump his nasty a--. NTA.
Rhettyornot wrote:
NTA.
Especially because you offered ways that the situation could be resolved. I'd consider why he wasnt willing to consider you in that situation.
Next-Wishbone1404 wrote:
Gross. Why would you let someone who sleeps like that every night rub up against your body? NTA, but gross.
Obvious_Huckleberry wrote:
NTA. EVERYTHING about that would have me ending the relationship ASAP. he's 39 and sleeps like that. I've seen prison cells (on 60 days in) that were WAYYY cleaner then what you described and then how he threw stuff at you. Nope...NOPE...NOOOOPPE Bye dirty man.
If that's how he keeps the place he sleeps..what does everywhere else look like? What does his fridge look like? or the toliet/shower?
Is he Oscar from Sesame Street?
liveidddd wrote:
NTA. Your request for clean bedding is completely reasonable, especially considering the state he keeps his bed in. It's basic hygiene to want a clean place to sleep, and it's odd that he'd rather argue than spend a few minutes to make his place comfortable for you.
Standing your ground on not going back the next day makes sense too you made a long drive back home because of his refusal to maintain basic cleanliness. Maybe he'll rethink his bedding strategy before the next sleepover.
almalauha wrote:
NTA. But please LEAVE THIS FILTHY MAN. He is 39 and sleeps on a mattress he's half-covered with a ripped fitted-sheet? On top of that, he does not allow you to make the bed fresh and expect you to sleep in his dingy nest? On top of this, he threw you a filthy mattress cover to use as a blanket when you wanted to sleep on the couch.
Lady, there is no D that is that good that I would stick around in his filth. Do you see a future with someone who is filthy like this? Do you see a future with someone who does not want to see his own flaws? Do you see a future with someone who will not consider your very-normal expectations for hygiene and who doesn't even properly accommodate you sleeping on the sofa?
Throw this whole man back!
PS: Also, he KNEW you were going to stay the night yet he did not make the bed let alone with fresh sheets?! Imagine if you live with him, the standards will be EVEN LOWER.