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Husband begs for another child, then complains it's too hard to look after a newborn. AITA?

Husband begs for another child, then complains it's too hard to look after a newborn. AITA?


"AITA for refusing to take care of my children?"


I (26F) gave birth to my second child two days ago (it was a beautiful home birth so I was never discharged from the hospital.). With my first and this pregnancy I made it clear to my husband I wanted to fallow the 5-5-5 rule.

He seemed to drag his feet but because he wanted kids more than I did he agreed. I STILL LOVE MY KIDS DEARLY AND WOULDN’T NOT HAVE THEM NOW I just didn’t want to go through pregnancy.

First five days:

“In bed.” Nothing but skin to skin with my daughter, breastfeeding, and resting.

Next five days:

“On bed.” Sitting up, still breastfeeding, cuddling with baby, doing homework with my son, crossword puzzles etc.

Next five after that:

“Around bed.” Still majority resting but doing light chores, folding laundry, diaper changing, just not standing for more than 30 minutes. All while still, cuddling with baby, breastfeeding baby, doing homework with my son and coloring.

This baby is very colicky and my husband is the one having to get out of bed, walk around with her and sit in the rocking chair, do diapers and take her and our son on walks to get some sunshine.

Our son (5) has started acting out at home due to the stress of the new baby and lack of sleep, we’ve offered him going to my parents next door and he seems interested.

We’ve prepared a months worth of freezer meals so for dinner all he has to do is throw the DISPOSABLE tin in the oven and walk away for a few hours. We have more than enough disposable dishwasher. We have a Dog he needs to feed and take out in walks with the kids.

Today he came to me crying saying it was all too much and he couldn’t do this by himself. I reminded him that he agreed to it and I have to go back to work shortly after the 5-5-5 is up, so I need to be as rested and healed as possible so I can better preform tasks at work then come home and perform tasks as well.

He begged me to help out with our son who will not sit still and help with light cleaning (wiping countertops, gathering clutter into a pile, etc.) I again said no, I am entitled to rest and I will help around the house in eight days.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA. I assume all the stuff that he's crying about is the stuff that you are going to be expected to do on an ongoing basis after you return to work?

The OP responded here:


Yes, I for the most part so the cooking, cleaning, 90% of the childcare. He mostly just feeds the dog and occasionally walks him.


So what bringeth this man to the table, then?

The OP again responded:


His personality and audacity.


Is being a house slave a price you're really willing to pay to get the pleasure of his personality? Is it worth this much?


Side note here. Your baby does not likely have colic. That doesn’t start until at least three weeks of age. Likely hungry waiting for your milk to come in. Hopefully you are getting up and moving every couple of hours. Prolonged bed rest and DVT can be a concern after delivery. Congrats on your baby.


NTA. But! Unless you’re very healthy (under 35, BMI under 30, have had less than 3 term pregnancies, with no history of smoking/diabetes/varicose veins/Chrones or IBS/prolonged hospitalisation/surgical procedures or any family history of non-surgery related DVTS), you’ll need to mobilise a little.

If you get a Deep Vein Thrombosis, have a stroke or a pulmonary embolism, that’ll really ruin your maternity leave. The blood gets extra sticky during late pregnancy to compensate for and reduce blood loss at birth.

If you’re genuinely barely moving for 15 days and have any of the above conditions, your risk of having a stroke (as a result of that extra sticky blood not being pushed around your veins from movement and causing clots) is very high. Please mobilise.


I’m keen to know why you had another baby if you weren’t fussed and you plan on returning to work within days breastfeeding with a newborn? 🤦🏻‍♀️


NTA. Retired nurse here and just want to offer a ‘caution’. 5 days in bed after delivery results in a large risk for blood clots and complications even after an uncomplicated delivery (at home or hospital). I understand the need for you to spend time with newborn bonding, getting your milk supply established, and getting needed rest.

I agree the husband should be prepared to take care of the household duties, including care of your other child, please make sure you do get up and move around. And it would be perfectly acceptable to hire a cleaning service for 2-3 times a week if you can afford it. Baby clothes pile up quickly right?


For context - Does your husband work? Sleep deprivation is a real thing, and I think he genuinely needs help. That’s what partners are for. Your son also needs extra comfort and reassurance right now, as adding a new baby is a huge adjustment.I honestly think even if I said “I’m not leaving the bed” I wouldn’t be able to stomach hearing both of my babies crying and not immediately get up to help calm them.

The OP again responded:


He actually has more paternity than me by 3 weeks.


Husband insists on having another child, then complains when it's hard to look after a newborn and other child. He knew what he was getting into. He agreed to it. As long as none of the children are in imminent danger, NTA

So, if you could give this mom or her husband any advice, what would you say to them?

Sources: Reddit
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