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'AITA for refusing to throw away pictures of my ex-wife even though my GF wants me to?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to throw away pictures of my ex-wife even though my GF wants me to?' UPDATED


"AITA For not throwing away pictures of my ex-wife?"

Original post from LackLusterLIVE:

I'll try to make this simple. My Girlfriend (30f) and I (36m) have 100% custody of my 5 year old Daughter. My daughter's biological mother moved out of state to pursue a career opportunity. A little background - my Ex-wife left me over 2 years ago for someone else and hasnt been much of a mother since.

My current girlfriend has effectively raised my daughter with me for a little over a year and has done a tremendous job as a step mother. My Ex-wife moved just a couple of weeks ago and now my girlfriend and I have 100% custody. As a "parting gift", my ex made a scrap book for my daughter with pictures of my daughter, my daughter and her mother, and lastly....

my daughter, my ex and myself. There were 2 pictures total that included the 3 of us. I noticed my girlfriend tearing something apart and my daughter telling her to "STOOOOP! SHE WORKED SO HARD ON THAT!" Not knowing what was going on I stepped over to see what the commotion was all about.

This was the first time I had seen or heard of the scrap book, and was unaware of its contents until I witnessed my girlfriend removing all of the pictures that displayed my ex-wife. She was even throwing away pictures that didnt include me and were of my daughter and her mother only. I abruptly put an end to the destruction, and have been on non-speaking terms with my girlfriend since the event. (8 hours ago)

I have tried to explain that I dont want the pictures for myself, and have even stored the in the garage in a box that I keep with all of my daughters report cards and neat school projects and art. However, my GF thinks we should destroy all evidence of my ex, even though her current leave of absence is not guaranteed to be permanent.

She was raised similarly and I asked her how she would feel if her stepmother threw away all pictures of her biological mother, just because she moved. She agreed that she would be upset, but argued that it doesnt matter now that SHE is the one raising my daughter.

I'm so lost as to why she thinks this is ok. It's like jealousy and ego have gotten the beat of her and her true self has disappeared. I'm so dumbfounded by it that I'm not certain that I'm not seeing this clearly. Am I missing something? AITA?

TLDR- my girlfriend doesnt want any pictures of her stepdaughter's mother in the house (anywhere, even in storage) because she is raising my daughter, and bio mother doesnt deserved to be remembered.

Edit- accidentally called GF my wife. Fixed. Also- thank you all for your responses. It seemed like such a pretty thing at the time and now I feel like I just got flipped upside down.

Most commenters agreed NTA. Here are some of the top commenters:

whippetshuffle said:

You are 100% NTA. Your girlfriend is the asshole for destroying a child’s keepsake scrapbook of their mother, regardless of how in/out of the picture she is. Your daughter clearly didn’t want this to happen.

StonerTigerMom said:

NTA - that little girl deserves memories of her birth mother. Your gf is being petty.

themostanxiousone said:

NTA- and she sounds like a psychopath. Wow. Are you sure you want someone like that influencing your daughter? Your ex might have shit the bed but she's still your daughter's mother and your current love interest trying to destroy that is a serious sign that she's not mentally healthy.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Step parent here. Your GF seems to have very strong feelings that indicate that she sees herself as the the replacement Mother. Regardless of the situation with your ex, she is still your child’s biological mother and your child still loves her. Your GF needs to understand that and keep her jealousy at bay. Sure being a step parent is tough sometimes, but there’s no excuse for that type of behavior.

stormborn29 said:

Definitely nta. She seriously tore up your daughters pictures in a fit of jealousy right in front of her?!?!? How old is this woman? At the very least it's extremely immature but really it borders on psychotic.

A week after his original post, he shared this update:

It's been a bit over a week since my post here made front page, and it's taken about that much time to finish reading through the responses. You're answers were overwhelmingly positive (save for a few), and today I finally solidified my position and pulled the trigger.

First the good - When I returned home, I searched the box that I had hid the pictures and scrapbook to find that they were gone. Upon inquiring of their whereabouts, I was directed under a bathroom sink. There I found the remains of the scrapbook, mostly put back together. However, I realized that at least 2 pages were missing. I also noticed that a few pictures in question weren't present.

Upon questioning, I was directed to a trash can, where I found a couple torn pictures. Still, to my dismay, I found that the contents of the ravaged scrapbook were still incomplete. Further investigation revealed another stash of torn pictures. Finally, I have attained all of the pictures. (Shout out to the private messages offering to reconstruct them. A massive thanks to you!)

Two more days passed and I demanded that she apologize to my daughter for destroying the scrapbook (which now resides in my daughters room). Apology accepted, now comes the hard part. I wont bother lying to you all, for I fear you would see through me. I considered trying to work through it. I thought, perhaps her efforts to repair the scrapbook are worthy of forgiveness? NAY!

Seriously guys. I cant thank you enough. If it weren't for your guidance, I would probably continue to expose my daughter to this woman. Our relationship has ended, and I am now focused solely on raising my beautiful baby girl and my career.

Sources: Reddit
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