'AITA for refusing to wear an awful bridesmaid dress to my sister's wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to wear an awful bridesmaid dress to my sister's wedding?"
My (Jane, 25/F) sister Lisa (27/F) is planning her wedding. She's detail-oriented, has a preference about everything, and wants it all to look perfect. Part of her plan is for all six of her bridesmaids to wear the same dress in the same color, and we knew that going in to shop with her at a boutique. Unfortunately, the other five are much smaller than I am, so picking out a dress that fit us all became an issue.
We all tried on her favorite dress at the end, and it took me a long time to get it on. Outside I could hear her squealing with happiness as everyone else walked out of their rooms, and saying things like "This is the one!" with her friends hyping it up.
But not only is it a horrible pale color that makes me look sick, it's unflattering to the point where I have massive rolls in the back and look pregnant in the front, especially with shape wear, which just bulges everything out across my hips and pinches the fabric up the sides. I also can't move well in it, and can't raise my arms more than halfway.
I tried to talk to Lisa about finding a similar dress that could work better for my body type, but she and the other bridesmaids insisted that this was the perfect color and dress. Lisa was dead set on everyone matching exactly and seemed locked in on it, so we ended up (quietly) arguing in the store in front of our mom and the sales associate who came to check on us.
They tried to calm things down by saying the dress looked fine and everyone matched nicely, but it was pretty clear they were just trying to keep the peace. When I asked the sales associate, "Does this dress looks fine on me?" her face turned red and she started talking about how it was important to honor Lisa's wishes on her special day, and at that point I hurried up to change and left.
Since then, Lisa and I haven't talked, while both my parents insist that I need to suck it up and do what Lisa wants for her wedding, while also relaying that she's been really upset about this issue, but I have been as well. AITA? I was wearing the highest size available and alterations weren't an option for this dress.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ChickadeePeachTree said:
NAH. It is your sister's wedding, so ultimately she does get to choose (the dress). But she could also probably have a bit more compassion for how you feel in the dress she's picking out. I've been in your shoes, the only large bridesmaid in a group of very slender women, and luckily the bride in my case kept us in the same colour, but let us each choose a style we were comfortable in.
I think you have 2 options: Ask to step down as bridesmaid (if you would be happier doing so than wearing the dress) - that way your sister can keep her vision. Wear the dress - if it's a very fitted shape, is there any possibility of you ordering it a few sizes larger and having it tailored - i.e. give yourself enough extra fabric to allow a seamstress to drape it in a more flattering way for you, while also keeping neckline, arms, the same as the other bridesmaids.
At the end of the day, you're a human being, not an accessory for someone else's enjoyment. If you feel very uncomfortable with what she's asking of you, then you can choose not to participate in that way, and hopefully she can respect your choice.
I went with N-A-H when this post was fresh and the edit about the sizing wasn't there. With that extra info, I'd be saying that OP is N-T-A since the sister went ahead with the dress choice knowing that OP couldn't get the right size.
Acceptable-Bike-7983 said:
I'd say NTA. I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time, us bridesmaids were scattered across a few states and couldn't do dress shopping together. The bride simply said here's the color palette, go find something pretty! That bride not only respected the different body types and budgets, but she just didn't care. She just wanted the people she loved there.
Oh, and I still wear that nice blue dress ALL THE TIME. The second time, us bridesmaids we're scattered across the country, even more variation in body type (including her man of honor), but she picked the exact dress this time. BUT she took time to think through even option, to consider how it would look on each and every one of us (less the MOH lol), and asked for a final opinion in such a way that we could message privately if need be.
She also wanted us to have the same shoes but when I ordered the biggest available size and my fat foot wouldn't fit, I just went to the shoe store, took pics of every similar sandal and she picked which one. It's actually one of my new fave pairs of sandals.
That bride took extra time out of her day to ensure we were comfortable, and beautiful, and matched the aesthetics she dreamed of. Because she loved us and wanted us to be happy WITH her on her happy day. Oh, and the dress is such that some alterations and it'll work for any semi- to formal event. This bride is kind of TA for treating her own sister like a prop and not a person. If you love them, it's worth the extra time to care about them.
Magdovus said:
If it doesn't fit you it's going to be obvious all day and will make you feel bad and your sister look bad for making you wear it. Your options are to either find something similar that fits and get your sister to agree or drop out. Either way, do not let her spend money on the wrong dress! NTA.
IzzaElly said:
NTA. Normally I'd say it's the bride's choice and a lot of the time that means wearing a dress you hate or is not the most flattering, but I think at the very least she has to let you wear a dress that actually fits.
262run said:
NTA. Brides should care more about the people they care about to have as bridesmaids than they do about “a look” or “everyone matching."
pukui7 said:
NTA. You are being perfectly reasonable to opt out of wearing this dress, and asking the bride to consider something else. It is not reasonable for them to stand there as a group and pretend that everything is fine, ignoring your obvious distress in that dress. But this is where it should end.
She gets to decide what the dresses are, and she has to accept that you will be opting out of being a bridesmaid. Depending how mature you all can be now, and how well you have been treating each other in the past, this needn't even be anything major.