My (Jane, 25/F) sister Lisa (27/F) is planning her wedding. She's detail-oriented, has a preference about everything, and wants it all to look perfect. Part of her plan is for all six of her bridesmaids to wear the same dress in the same color, and we knew that going in to shop with her at a boutique. Unfortunately, the other five are much smaller than I am, so picking out a dress that fit us all became an issue.
We all tried on her favorite dress at the end, and it took me a long time to get it on. Outside I could hear her squealing with happiness as everyone else walked out of their rooms, and saying things like "This is the one!" with her friends hyping it up.
But not only is it a horrible pale color that makes me look sick, it's unflattering to the point where I have massive rolls in the back and look pregnant in the front, especially with shape wear, which just bulges everything out across my hips and pinches the fabric up the sides. I also can't move well in it, and can't raise my arms more than halfway.
I tried to talk to Lisa about finding a similar dress that could work better for my body type, but she and the other bridesmaids insisted that this was the perfect color and dress. Lisa was dead set on everyone matching exactly and seemed locked in on it, so we ended up (quietly) arguing in the store in front of our mom and the sales associate who came to check on us.
They tried to calm things down by saying the dress looked fine and everyone matched nicely, but it was pretty clear they were just trying to keep the peace. When I asked the sales associate, "Does this dress looks fine on me?" her face turned red and she started talking about how it was important to honor Lisa's wishes on her special day, and at that point I hurried up to change and left.
Since then, Lisa and I haven't talked, while both my parents insist that I need to suck it up and do what Lisa wants for her wedding, while also relaying that she's been really upset about this issue, but I have been as well. AITA? I was wearing the highest size available and alterations weren't an option for this dress.
Info: Are you certain that alterations aren’t possible? Like “already checked with a professional seamstress” certain? I didn’t think my bridal gown could be altered, but it was done. Would it perhaps be possible to give you some extra room by turning the back into a corset? It wouldn’t be noticeable from the front in the pictures.
MembershipOk8179 OP responded:
They had someone onsite who said that it wasn't possible and that there wasn't an "allowance" for it and that it would mess up the beading.
It still might be worth checking with a professional at an independent shop. Also, if it’s not an expensive dress, it might be possible to buy a second one just to use for extra fabric.
Magdovus said:
If it doesn't fit you it's going to be obvious all day and will make you feel bad and your sister look bad for making you wear it. Your options are to either find something similar that fits and get your sister to agree or drop out. Either way, do not let her spend money on the wrong dress! NTA.
IzzaElly said:
NTA. Normally I'd say it's the bride's choice and a lot of the time that means wearing a dress you hate or is not the most flattering, but I think at the very least she has to let you wear a dress that actually fits.
262run said:
NTA. Brides should care more about the people they care about to have as bridesmaids than they do about “a look” or “everyone matching."
pukui7 said:
NTA. You are being perfectly reasonable to opt out of wearing this dress, and asking the bride to consider something else. It is not reasonable for them to stand there as a group and pretend that everything is fine, ignoring your obvious distress in that dress. But this is where it should end.
She gets to decide what the dresses are, and she has to accept that you will be opting out of being a bridesmaid. Depending how mature you all can be now, and how well you have been treating each other in the past, this needn't even be anything major.