"AITA for rehoming my boyfriend’s cats?"
I (25F) live with my boyfriend (26M), between us we have three kids and I am currently pregnant. The other children are not as relevant to the story but his boy is 8, his girl is 5, and my daughter is just about 3.
My boyfriend has three cats from his previous relationship that his ex basically dropped on us after taking custody of them, deciding suddenly one day she no longer wanted any of them. Another was given to us by his mother to attempt to rehabilitate an ongoing deification outside of the litter box issue.
I am currently 39 weeks pregnant, and two of the cats have been crapping either on the floor, in clothes that have just been washed in all of the children’s sheets and comforters and the breaking point this evening was in the new baby’s play pen that I have literally just set up in our living room.
Like not even joking maybe two hours before. My boyfriend complained about me leaving things on the floor, as that’s what makes his male cat think it’s okay to crap and/or piss all over everything, while the female that we got from his mother will indiscriminately crap all up and down the hallways, and right in front of litter boxes, she does not pee on anything.
I have tried everything, changing litter brand type and texture, isolation training, going to the vet to check for illness, everything. It’s been hundreds of dollars in expensive litters, scent packs, equal to amount of cats + 2 extra litter boxes and multiple vet visits with extensive testing on both of them.
I’m to the point where I crate them every time they do it immediately just to try to avert the inevitable. I know it’s terrible but I am so stressed myself from it, and some days I just can’t deal with it.
The breaking point as previously stated has me furious, I understand new babies can be stressors for cats but I am not, will not tolerate them pissing and crapping on my baby boy's things and territory marking or whatever the heck it is at this point.
I’m so done with it. I love animals so much but over the past six months I feel like I’m going insane. Stepping in crap almost every night when I get up a million times to pee, cleaning it off of everything while my boyfriend works, mopping so many times, sometimes twice daily with enzyme cleaners to try and remove the smell from everything so they don’t do it anymore, which has not ever worked.
I have come to literally hate these two cats, which may make me an ahole but I honestly don’t give an f at this point. I feel like once baby is here in the next two weeks that they may end up directly pissing or crapping on him.
My plan is to rehome or take them to a good shelter near by, not behind my boyfriend’s back but if he puts up a fight about it I may have to. I feel like crap about it, but at this point it’s affecting my mental health and potentially a danger to my soon to be newborn.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Left_Set_5610 said:
You certainly would be an ahole if you did it behind his back. Give an ultimatum and follow through. Take your kids and go stay somewhere else until he finds them new homes. Not ideal, but definitely the better alternative.
Worried-Bobcat6116 said:
ESH. Can't even take care of cats but he sure does know how to impregnate his girlfriends. Rehoming is the best solution for everyone but if you did it behind his back then you're definitely an ahole. But they do need to find new homes, staying there is a terrible idea.
KaliTheBlaze said:
You can’t do this behind his back. That would make yta. What you can do is set a boundary and let him decide. You and the baby are not going to live with the cats who poo everywhere. He gets to decide whether the cats go or you go.
I usually discourage ultimatums, but honestly this should have been done as soon as you got pregnant, with the danger of toxoplasmosis. Pregnant women are never supposed to be handling cat poo because of the danger it represents to both them and their unborn children.
It continues to be a danger to newborns, until they become old enough to have a fully functioning immune system. So NTA for wanting the cats gone, but don’t do it yourself.
Dangerous-Dad said:
ESH - You're boyfriend dumped the responsibility on you, you let it happen and now the cats are paying the price. The toilet situation is almost certainly stress unless they were defecating and urinating all over the place from day 1, while they were with your boyfriend and his ex. It's classic stress behavior.
The way I read what you wrote and reading between the lines, everyone seems to have failed in their own unique way here. Now this is why I firmly stand with ESH. I, however, and it's a big "but," think you do need to rehome the cats. For one, your household is getting bigger.
There is going to be more mess and chaos, which will compound the defecation problem that little bit more. Clearly no one is going to work out why the cats are acting in this way and so the misery will perpetuate, which helps no one, especially the cats, who will just get hated more and more.
catladyorbust said:
ESH but also, YTA. Yeah, there are big lines for cats that crap everywhere. Your choices are their deaths or your boyfriend can figure out the litterbox issues. Stop pretending some nice shelter will fix this. They won't. Hopefully he will do better by your kid than his cats, and neither of you should own any animal ever again.
Tattedtail said:
NTA for rehoming the cats. I've lived with cats who toilet inappropriately, and loved them, but it is HARD. I agree with you that the cats are incompatible with your incoming newborn. Let your boyfriend know that the cats have to go. He can go with them, if he really wants to. Give the kids an opportunity to say goodbye.
CannibalismIsTight said:
ESH. Sounds like he’s a bad cat dad and probably a bad dad to humans as well. I’m sorry you’re in the situation you are in life.