'AITA for requesting child support while sharing 50/50 custody?'
"AITA for requesting child support while sharing 50/50 custody?"
Zeromtndewaddict
I have been divorced for almost 8 yrs. I left with one of our 3 vehicles, a few personal items, about 1/4 of my clothes, and a few of the kids things. I didn't ask for anything in the divorce other than a significantly reduced ($400/mth) child support amount for our 3 kids and 50/50 custody.
Although, I could have gotten half the house, retirement funds, and much more. About 1 year after the divorce, Ex lost his full time job and picked up a part time job (that my boyfriend/ now husband helped him get).
I reduced his child support to the minimum amount allowed by our state ($50/mth) to make sure Ex could survive. He eventually sold the house and moved into his mother's house.
I (now my husband and I) have been paying for all the kids expenses since, ie; medical, clothes, toiletries, school supplies, extra curriculars, holidays, work expences, and ALL transportation including drop off and pick ups. Literally EVERYTHING for BOTH HOUSES, except food for Ex's house (which we did help him with on a handful of occasions).
2yrs ago, Ex obtained a VERY well paying job, (4x his former part time job pay + way more hours and 2x our household income) and he still hasn't helped with any of the kids expenses.
Yet he pays for his girlfriend and her 2 kid's bills and expences while he still lives with his mother, (girlfriend has 50/50 custody with her ex and receives a very large amount of child support for them). I recently received a letter from the state indicating we were eligible for a child support review. So, I sent a form back requesting one.
Now my Ex, his girlfriend and most of my Ex's family are chastising me because "he shouldn't have to pay CS while having 50/50 custody, and it will be taking away from his family" (reffering to Ex's girlfriend and her kids not mine). Ex and his girlfriend are not married, don't live together yet, and don't have kids together. And, not that it's relevant, but her kids absolutely despise him.
So, am I the jerk for requesting child support for our remaining 2 kids ages 16 & 17 (oldest turned 18, 3yrs ago) even though we have 50/50 custody? Especially concidering that my husband and I have been paying for ALL of their expences for the past 6yrs!
EDIT: for clarity...
He quit his job just before the pandemic, collected unemployment, and didn't get the part-time job until he was no longer allowed to collect.
Our state only allows reviews every 3yrs. We did a "required review" 3yrs ago (when he was working part time) and agreed to continue the $50/mth that was already in place.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Hairgiver
Are you kidding? You absolutely should be filling out that paper work. That is his responsibility and I can't believe he would even question that. Move forward with no guilt on this one.
Feel free to remind anyone who complains about it. If needs be, give them a cost breakdown of yearly contributions. (If you want to go to that level) Good luck to you! You sound like a loving Mom!
The OP responded here:
Zeromtndewaddict
I did break it down for one of his family members. Total expenses minus the child support he did actually pay came to over 44k for the full 8 years we've been divorced. They were completely unaware that he hadn't been purchasing their necessities for his house, let alone that I had CS reduced not once but twice to "help" him out.
My eldest (adult at the time of the divorce) got into a huge argument with his family about how he's basically a deadbeat and doesn't even care for the kids when he has them. They argued that he was trying to purchase a new home for him, his girlfriend, and all the kids.
Apparently, he won't be able to afford the mortgage if he has to pay the amount the state is deciding he should be paying. I'm on the fence. I do feel bad, but at the same time... we managed while supporting 2 households.
Hairgiver
I wouldn't be on the fence at all. That's why the state makes guidelines so the soft hearted people dont get taken advantage of. And frankly, he's lucky he's not been held accountable before this.
Plus his girlfriend can work. And I'm sure she receives child support? There should be plenty of money coming in from their side. I promise it's not your job to worry about them!!
Nygelrygel
NTA- take all the money the judge says you get. You've been way too nice to him in the past.
Y_eyeatta
I always assumed that 50/50 meant you pay for the children when they are with you and he pays while they are with him. With the exception of health insurance and medical bills everything should automatically divide into two households when needed.
The insurance should go to the parent who makes the most since it is deducted from their checks. School clothes and supplies should be paid for 50/50 as well. If your ex husband has them half the time what does him paying you child support do the kids? He is already supporting them right?
OddSocks2024
Not at all ! Seriously, $400 a month is not their utility, housing, and food requirements. Shame on him putting his gf's kids first. No wonder you left. Some people are like clouds, when they're gone you see the light.
.The OP again responded:
Zeromtndewaddict
I love that! I've never heard that before. Yes, I absolutely saw the light! Night and day difference between him and my husband! Even the kids see and address it.
Electronic_Wait_7500
By their theory, his gf should not be getting child support either, right? I mean, she has 50/50 custody of her kids. Yes get an income in child support if at all possible. Sounds like he's not great with managing his stuff, so get it while you can. Your kids might need it for college one day.
GypsyRiverNotions
The most important thing you should be considering is how that support will benefit your kids. And if you have guilt, think about how they would've benefitted if he had been supporting his kids all along. Hopefully, that will tick you off enough to melt that guilt away... NTA.