Hospital interaction with young gets heated; 'AITA for ruining a child's life?'
"AITA For Ruining A Child's Life?"
punkfence
Today, I started talking to an American mother while in A&E; her child was interested in the artwork I have on my leather jacket as it's pretty colourful. The mother mentioned that her daughters name was "Grain" so I assumed for a while that she was another mother who wanted something "special" to call her child.
I remarked that it was a unique name and that I'd never met anyone called Grain before. She told me that she's named after her great-grandmother and that it's an Irish name. At this point, the alarm bells are ringing in my head because I've realised that the kid is called Gráinne (generally pronounced as Gro-nyuh, or there abouts.)
I tried to be very tactful, and I was like, "Irish has such an interesting alphabet. How is her name spelled? Irish names can be tricky." The kid is called Gráinne. Not Grain.
My partner, who has studied Ireland's political history as part of their dissertation and also the Irish diaspora and it's culture around their university city, is stuck somewhere between stifling a laugh and dying of embarrassment on her behalf so I come up with, what I thought was a very positive reply.
I said "an old-school name and a more modern pronunciation. I think that's a great way to pick names." I would like to point out that I do not like the name Grain for a child, nor do I like the way the pronunciation was butchered, but I was trying to be tactful and positive.
She asked what I meant, and I said "well in Ireland, they typically pronounce it like "gro-nyuh"." Her face went red and said that I shouldn't have said that the pronunciation was wrong in front of the kid because now she's going to grow up knowing that her name is wrong and feel bad about it.
I apologised for causing offense and restated that it's a lovely name in both ways and a fantastic nod to her heritage. I said that I'm sure her great-grandmother would be thrilled to be honoured by her name being used. I was throwing out just about every positive reinforcement that I could think of, but, to be frank, she was outraged.
She told me that I "ruined her daughter's self-esteem" and that her "life [was] ruined" by me saying that "her existence is wrong." I didn't say that, by the way. I said that her name was pronounced atypically.
Gráinne, for context, was around 2 years old and completely unbothered by the conversation until her mother got angry at me. She was just looking at the pictures on my jacket.
The conversation was maybe five minutes long, but I managed to ruin this kid's life. Hindsight says I should have kept my mouth shut and waited for somebody else in this city to say something. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MidnightPositive485
NTA. You didn’t embarrass the child you embarrassed the parent, who frankly should be embarrassed she named her kid a name she didn’t know how to pronounce. In reality you did the kid a favor by pointing this out early on so the mom can deal with it. She would have found out eventually and it could have been when she was old enough to me be legitimately embarrassed.
plastic__bottle
It's better for the kid to learn the correct pronunciation now rather than face it later with potential bullying. The mom needs to take some responsibility here.
I_wanna_be_anemone
Honestly I’m relieved the kids name isn’t actually spelt straight up ‘Grain’, can you imagine the hell kids would give her when she’s older? ‘Grain’s not invited because the party is gluten free’. NTA.
Niikopol
NTA kid couldn't care less if it tried and mother for 2 years never bothered to find out how it sounds in Gaelic? Honestly, I get your husband who nearly burst out laughing.
Kitchu22
Look, NTA, but also - what were you trying to achieve? Mum acted like a total weirdo about your comments, but I just feel like it probably came across like a thinly veiled dig. I used to have a colleague named Sian (family name).
Having only emailed before meeting, I assumed their name would be pronounced Shahn but it turns out they go by See-ahn mostly because in a country where Welsh isn’t common no one ever got it right and they just gave up. If Grainne lives in America, they are likely going to get Grain or at best Grah-ihn for most of their life.
punkfence (OP)
She doesn't live in America, though. They both now live in the UK. In a city with a huge Irish population. I didn't intend for it to come across as a dig, I was trying to be incredibly optimistic knowing that this is what the kid is probably going to go through for the rest of her life in a city with thousands of Irish people, and an active folk scene.
autisticDIL
yeah i picked up on this when you mentioned A&E. Its England. Everyone is going to notice and bully the poor kid. if it was america, no one would have picked up on the mispronunciation in the first place.
Initial-Company3926
NTA. I am so so sorry if this is insensitive but I started to laugh. You digging yourself deeper and deeper, the mother getting angrier and angrier, and your partner trying so hard to not laugh.
You didn't do this to be mean but damn..... good save . Too bad mum was to wrapped up in her hissy fit lol. You did not ruin anything. Just out of curiosity... did this happen in Ireland? Because if that is the case i really hope she has some blood pressure pills hahaha hahaha.