Wedding derailed as maid of honor discovers bride’s secret affair with her husband. AITA?
"AITA for ruining my 'best friend’s' wedding?"
Katiesssss_1156222
Me and my husband Mark were together for 4 years before I found out he was cheating on me, everything was perfect and then one evening he sat me on the sofa and told me about his affair. I could not believe it. I just got up and packed my stuff.
I drove straight to my best friend Amy’s house, we have been best friends since we were 5. I told her everything that happened and she told me I could stay with her as long as I needed since me and Mark lived together and I needed some time to find a place to move into.
When her and her boyfriend Alex announced they were getting married, she asked me if I would be her maid of honour. And I’m not going to lie, it was such a stressful time for me as I was working full time and helping plan this wedding. Don’t get me wrong I felt so honoured but I was exhausted.
She told me that she always wanted to have her wedding in a big opened field with trees everywhere and around nature, and it so happened that my parents owned a ranch so I asked if we could throw the wedding there. And obviously since Amy had been apart of our family for so long she was like an adopted daughter, so my parents were more than happy to have her wedding there.
The evening before the wedding I was busy putting up some decorations, that is when one of the bridesmaids approached me, and I did not know this girl, I think she was a co-worker of Amy’s.
She just walked up to me and told me she was so impressed with me that despite everything, I was still willing to help Amy with her wedding. And I was like “sorry..?” She then went on to tell me that she knew that my best friend Amy had slept with my husband, Mark.
Just take your mind back to that affair he had been having. And in perfect timing Amy’s soon to be husband, Alex, came just around the corner. I asked if he knew about this, and he told me that he did in fact know, Amy had told him because she didn’t want to go through the marriage with any secrets. He said made a promise to himself that after their honeymoon he would tell me the truth.
He had forgiven Amy and had asked me to do the same, and I again I had no clue what to say so I just got into my car and drove to my parents house and I told them everything that happened. They too were absolutely stunned, they couldn’t believe it.
That afternoon, I get a call from Amy. I got atleast a hundred more phone calls from her and then it started with Alex trying to call me, and then it progressed to numbers I didn’t even know. I finally found out on facebook that my parents had thrown their entire wedding off their property.
The wedding hadn’t even taken place at all and now Alex and Amy were both bad mouthing me all over the place. But my parents said they didn’t care, anyone who asked why got the truth which quickly had people siding with me.
But I still get the occasional “it wasn’t a big deal”, “it was a one time thing” or “you’re over exaggerating” from our mutual friends. So tell me what you all think, was I exaggerating? Or should I have handled it better? I don’t know.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NoCommittee8697
NTA and I am so proud of your parents!!!
bored-panda55
Yes! You don’t get to celebrate your “marriage” after destroying our daughters. NTA - you didn’t do anything. You came to her not knowing she was the one who slept with your husband and after assisting your husband in destroying yours - she hid it, lied about it and then straight faced asked you to be her MOH. The AHs here are your stbx husband, stbx friend and her horrible fiance.
duckat
Seems like your “friends” were using you all this time. Good thing your parents had the balls to do what needed to be done. Now it’s your turn to act in kind and start looking for real friends. These people are obviously not.
ylenDriven
NTA. You’re absolutely not exaggerating, and I think you handled things as best as anyone could in such a heart-wrenching situation. Your husband’s infidelity was bad enough, but to find out that it was with your best friend is a double betrayal that most people wouldn’t even know how to process.
You helped plan this wedding, offered your parents’ ranch, and were nothing but supportive—only to learn they both kept you in the dark about something so painful. It’s really unfair for people to expect you to just brush it off, especially when it clearly affected you deeply.
Amy and Alex trying to brush it under the rug by saying “it was a one-time thing” doesn’t make it any less hurtful. They knowingly let you help with their wedding while keeping this massive secret from you.
It’s understandable that your parents, too, felt hurt enough to cancel the wedding at their property. They were likely just as shocked and betrayed by Amy, someone they considered family.
As for the mutual friends downplaying the situation, they either don’t fully understand or aren’t considering how this betrayal affected you. You’re completely justified in your response, and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like you overreacted or mishandled it. You deserve better than what they gave you.
SecretarySofia
NTA. Your "best friend" not only betrayed your trust by sleeping with your husband, but she also kept it from you for who knows how long. That’s a massive betrayal, and it’s understandable that you couldn’t just brush it off, especially when you found out right before her wedding.
Amy and Alex keeping this secret from you, while expecting you to stand by her as her maid of honor, is beyond disrespectful. Your parents had every right to throw them off their property why should they host a wedding for someone who treated you like that?
You’re not over-exaggerating at all; you were betrayed by two people who should have had your back. If anything, your reaction was justified, and the fact that some people are downplaying the situation shows they don’t understand the weight of that betrayal.
Katiesssss_1156222
I have read all of your kind comments and have decided to drop those mutual “friends” of mine who defended Amy. I am currently healing through this as I have just lost a best friend of 22 years, but don’t worry I have thanked my parents profusely for how they protected me.