'AITA for "ruining" my BF's birthday party by announcing my pregnancy?' UPDATED
"AITA for ruining my boyfriends birthday party?"
My boyfriend just turned 30 on wednesday and had a big party to celebrate it. I hadn’t been feeling well the last couple weeks leading up to it but I was determined to make his birthday a great one. Due to my job and financial reasons, I haven’t been able to take many days off so I scheduled a doctors appointment the morning of his birthday so I could celebrate in the evening.
I found out I was pregnant during the appointment and was ecstatic. We’ve been trying for a baby for six years and I thought this would be the perfect present for him. When I got home, there were a few people already there for the party. I asked my boyfriend if we could speak in private and he ignored me.
I asked again and he told me that if it was so important I could wait five minutes while he talked to his friend. So I just told him. He got extremely mad and started yelling in my face about how I was trying to ruin his day and that today was supposed to be about him and not me. He told all the people there to leave and messaged everybody else to not come because I ruined the day.
He then stormed out the house and still hasn’t come back. I’m still so shocked and confused. He was so excited to try for a baby but his reaction made no sense. My mom said that while it is a great surprise I probably should have waited as it was his day. So AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
AdministrativeCod666 said:
I mean I don't understand why you couldn't just wait but his reaction is so over the top.
Ambitious_Advantage5 said:
NTA. Maybe your timing could’ve been a bit better BUT he should not have acted like a petulant child and thrown a hissy-fit.
And EmpressJainaSolo said:
NTA, and I wish you could hear how you sound. You’re defending him by telling everyone that you usually make a big deal about “stupid” things, that his reaction was your fault because you are immature. In the same breath you mention how you owe him because you live in a nice house and he buys things for you.
You mentioned that one of the “stupid” things you were excited about was going to your dream college but that your boyfriend make you see that dream was stupid because it was too far away and wasn’t worth it. You mention that you have been trying for six years and you’re only 26.
I think you and your child deserve better then to have every interest or opportunity that doesn’t align with your boyfriend’s beliefs and agendas put down as stupid. I also think that your boyfriend has made sure to keep you feeling so low about yourself that when opportunity presents itself again you won’t think you’re worthy enough to take it. Please seek help in ending this relationship.
One month later, she shared this update:
Hi all! This is an update regarding a post that I made awhile ago about my boyfriends birthday party where I announced to him my pregnancy. It can be found here, (i have to figure out how to embed a link lol sry.). As said in the post, my boyfriend acted pretty irrational and both us were pretty upset.
He came home a week and a half after the incident and we talked about our relationship and where we see ourselves. As some of you thought, my boyfriend was cheating on me and was trying to find a way to break up with me.
He told me that he would pay me any amount of money to get an abortion because he does not want to be apart of a childs life and I declined. I told him that I did not care if he didnt want to be apart of my childs life but that I was not going to get rid of my baby. He gave me two weeks to pack all my stuff and get out, which is what I have done.
Luckily for me, one of my coworkers was getting transferred and looking for a roommate in a different state so I asked for a transfer as well and recieved it. I am now living in NC and am adjusting quite well. I'm even looking into enrolling into community college for the fall! Thank you to everybody who opened up my eyes and helped me see what I needed to do to make my life and my childs life better.
Commenters weighed in:
ReflectionSimple8271 said:
I’m happy for you and question does his family know everything?
OP responded:
hi! i don’t really speak to his family a lot but i have reached out to his sister and she’s willing to help me with the baby.
Ultra_Leopard said:
That's great! Will you get him to pay child support?
And OP responded:
he says he is going to sign away his parental rights when the baby is born and is a massive idiot so he doesn’t realize that he will still have to pay child support once i get all my paperwork together and file. i am planning to get him to pay so don’t worry!