'AITA for "ruining" my ex's career after he refused to drive me to the ER?' UPDATED

"AITA for 'ruining' my ex's career?"

Here's the original post:

Early this year, I (m24) broke up with my ex Chris. We dated for 2 months after being set up by my SIL. We broke up because Chris refused to miss a party to drive me to the hospital after I had an allergic reaction to cookies he made (who puts strawberries in oatmeal cookies?). I ended up calling 999 and spent the night on an IV.

My SIL begged me not to tell my family what Chris did as he is her “work bestie” (they’re both realtors) and didn’t want my brother to be mad at him. I agreed because my family would've freak tf out. I told my friends who were relieved he was out of my life. We’ve had nothing to do with each other since break up.

I have been preparing a thesis project and emailed a couple of Art historians and professors for some advice. I connected with an Art dealer called Derek who had some pieces that I could study. He said he would be in my city for work so we met up for socially distanced coffee. That was our first date really as we hit it off amazingly. Our relationship has progressed quickly and seriously.

D lives 3 hours away and decided that he wants to move here so we can settle together. This is where it gets sh!t. Derek’s wealthy as a result of a successful career and his family, I didn’t realize how wealthy he was until all this kicked off. I met with my brother and SIL for lunch and SIL excitedly told us that Chris has bagged a mysterious client who was looking at pricey houses.

It wasn’t until she started to mention specifics did I realize she was talking about D. I hadn’t told D about Chris except that I had a bad relationship before I met him. I did tell him that my SIL worked for a good agency. Derek came into town last weekend very excited that his realtor had found him some properties that we could go together to look at.

We were sitting on the couch and he kept talking about his realtor Chris and I panicked and spilled everything. Derek was “horrified” and broke his partnership with Chris over email which horrified me because SIL had gone on about how a sale this big could put them on the map.

Derek found another agency and picked a house pretty quickly during the week and I thought I had gotten away with it until we met for dinner and my parents congratulated D on his new home. SIL asked where it is and obviously recognized the area. She straight-up asks D if he had been working with her agency. He says he was until he found out what Chris did to me.

Cue everyone asking what Chris did to me and my SIL screaming at me for ruining Chris’ career, then my brother screamed at SIL for being friends with Chris, My family + most friends are on my side but SIL + her friends and Chris think it’s petty on my part for ruining this sale when I have my life sorted with a “Sugar Daddy”.

I feel ITA because I didn’t exactly stop Derek from dropping Chris and shouldn’t have mentioned SIL’s agency. D thinks SIL and Chris are psycho. My brother is in a bad way about this and is staying at my parents’ house.

What do you think? AITA for not stopping his BF from firing his ex? This is what top commenters had to say:

mandilew said:

1.) We all need to be team BIL because he's about to figure out that his wife's been cheating on him with your ex- boyfriend.

2.) Derick had every right to hire and fire any realtor he wants for any reason.

3.) You didn't lie. And, in fact, had you omitted the truth about your experiences with Derrick's realtor, then you would have been an asshole. Telling the truth and giving someone information isn't wrong.

4.) NTA

Amblonyx said:

NTA. It doesn't sound like you meant to tell D about what C did-- you were in a really awkward situation and it just came out. SIL and C sure sound like assholes, though. C refused to drive you, his date, to the hospital even though you were experiencing a life-threatening allergic reaction. That's just horrible. You could have died, but who cares, he wanted to go to a PARTY.

If he didn't want people to know he refused to take his boyfriend to the hospital for a severe allergic reaction and put said boyfriend's life at risk, maybe he shouldn't have done exactly that. And your SIL is an AH for putting you in the position of hiding what a douche C is from your own family because she valued her friendship with him over your life.

There will be other clients for C and SIL. Maybe they should try not being a$$holes.

Music_withRocks_In said:

NTA. Look at it from D's POV, would anyone really want to use their partners ex as a realtor? You really need to trust your realtor (it can go bad in so many ways if they are a shifty person) and no matter how the relationship ended, partners ex that they broke up with recently is not a person you are inclined to trust.

And no way should you lie to your partner about the connection, or keep it from them, when you are in a relationship you tell them things like that. It sounds like your SIL is way to emotionally invested in a shitty person.

kelly4dayz said:

NTA! Honestly your SIL should have been on your side from the beginning and been angry with Chris for what he did. If what he did wasn't bad, then people wouldn't react negatively to hearing it. Also it's your trauma to share with whom you please. Derek and your brother are right to be angry that your SIL is defending very inconsiderate, dangerous behavior.

Out of curiosity, did Chris ever properly apologize to you? Like actually, remorsefully apologize and take responsibility for his cruelty? He's just experiencing the consequences of his own actions by losing a potential sale, imo.

[deleted] said:

NTA - if losing 1 client ruins your career then it’s obviously not very stable to begin with. He lost a client for personal reasons - it happens all the time on all industries. They are grossly overreacting

fox13fox said:

NTA, your sister is TA, she's putting a friendship with someone over your safety and your family would have freaked out for good reason. you could've died. Chris should be ashamed of what he did. I like your new boyfriend he sounds like a keeper. your brother is right and I want to scream at her through the computer. Losing the sale sounds like karma. you ruined no career here he ruined his own with his actions.

karebear1_89 said:

NTA- Chris could have killed you. SIL is TA for still being friends with him after that.

KatJen76 said:

NTA. D is right about Chris and your SIL: they are psycho. You didn't do anything here, really. Chris made the psycho decision to put strawberries in oatmeal cookies and not take you to the hospital. You kept it to yourself until explicitly asked. Derek decided on his own to work with a different agency. None of it is your fault.

Verdict: NTA. Chris ultimately did this to himself. Do you agree?