'AITA for "ruining" my friend’s engagement by "stealing" her engagement photo?' UPDATED

"AITA for ruining my friend’s engagement?"

A few weeks ago, I (26f) went to Portland, Maine with my boyfriend. I had never been and only live 2 hours away, so he thought it’d be a nice weekend trip for us. We had a great time exploring the city, eating out and what’s important to this story..... visiting the lighthouses.

While there, I posted on my Instagram a photo he snapped of me in front of one of the lighthouses he took me to. Now, for the past few months I’ve been helping my friend (26f)’s boyfriend (28m) get ready to propose. Usual friends duties like sending him styles she expressed interest in, finding her ring size, proposal plans, etc.

After he got the ring, he told me that he came up with a plan to propose during their yearly trip to Maine by renting an air bnb and proposing in the room so she wouldn’t be the center of attention, which would be happening in a month or so. I told him that sounds great.

So, fast forward and they go to Portland, Maine this past week and he proposes to her in front of the same lighthouse I had posted a picture at in the weeks prior. Super happy for them, I send my congratulations to both and that’s when things start to get weird.

I hadn’t heard back from them after sending a couple texts and trying to call, which I thought was weird having helped plan this but figured they were newly engaged and enjoying this moment. It’s now two days after, still no word from either and then I finally receive a text message from him saying...

“Hey, thanks for the congratulations and help with the ring. However, I’m bummed you went to (the lighthouse) weeks before and posted a picture at it. Intentional or not, it took away from something special I had planned and told you about.”

To say I was confused is an understatement. I responded with a question mark and he explained that by me going to the spot he was proposing at weeks before and posting a picture there, he felt betrayed and I ruined their special moment.

In addition to his message, I reached out to my friend to ask what was going on and why I was also now blocked on Instagram, to which she responded completely berating me.... swearing at me, telling me I ruined her proposal and made her and her fiancé feel betrayed, embarrassed and screwed over.

She told me the first words out of his mouth after he proposed were that “This was suppose to be special and (I) took that away from them.” They’re demanding me that I apologize and told me that I’m banned from their future wedding. I responded to this with my thoughts that a social media post from weeks ago shouldn’t have any influence on their proposal and that an apology is not in the cards.

I did not argue nor did I feel the need to because I don’t think I did anything wrong. I even sent back the screenshot of the original proposal plan he sent me saying he was getting an air bnb and proposing in the room. SO.... AITA for going to Portland and posting a picture there before he proposed?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

rinatric said:

NTA. Seriously?? Do they own Portland? So self-centered.

And OP responded:

A stand out comment from her was also "My mom grew up in Portland, it's special for us."

orangella___96 said:

NTA - wouldn't be surprised if he saw your pictures and changed plans last minute cause he liked that location better. Super sad tho, that they can easily quit a friendship over this. You're probably better off without them.

And OP responded:

That did cross my mind as well. The fact that the first words out his mouth after the proposal was that *I* ruined it.... it makes me sad.

[deleted] said:

NTA. There are people before you that already took pictures of the exact same lighthouse.

And OP responded:

There's about 20,000 pictures of Instagram with this light house location tagged. Hundreds of photos are taken there and posted every single day.

[deleted] said:

NTA. How were you supposed to know that he was going to deviate from his plans? And if a "unique" spot was so important, he had weeks to choose somewhere else. Also, how sad it is for your friend that after she got engaged, her fiancé started talking about you, thus ruining the moment completely. Take it as a blessing that these people are out of your lives. Their wedding will be a self centered nightmare.

And OP responded:

I was truly confused as to why those were the first words out of his mouth and how he felt compelled to send a message like that instead of enjoying the happy moment.

JabbaInBlueJeans said:

Be thankful you found out what a couple of a$$holes they are during the engagement because being in that wedding party would have been a nightmare for you. NTA.

WaDaEp said:

So he's gaslighting you and his fiancee? When you sent "the screenshot of the original proposal plan," did you send it to her or only to him? Because I think he knows he's gaslighting everybody unless he has some mental issues. Anyhoo, this all sounds like bad news to me. Save the screenshot indefinitely in case they try to use his story against you in the future.

As for them blocking you, now you know that he's a snake. If she saw the original proposal plan and she's still sticking with him, then that just shows she likes snakes. "AITA for ruining my friend’s engagement?"

You didn't ruin it. I don't know wtf he's doing. I would just start staying away from them. If he's going to set you up and blame things on you, then I wouldn't trust him anymore. And I wouldn't trust her judgment either.

And OP responded:

When he texted me, I responded with the screenshot. Once she texted me, I also shared the screenshot with her. They're looking for me to apologize for making them feel that I took something special away from them, whether it was intentional or not, and that I made them feel terrible.

Commenters overwhelmingly agree: NTA.

OP later shared this small update:

EDIT 1: I did send the screenshot of the proposal plan he sent me to both of them. They still want an apology.

UPDATE: Thanks for the feedback everyone! When I wrote this post, I wasn’t sure if I should be the one to apologize or not and if I did anything wrong. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, just the most extreme which makes me think it won’t also be the last. After hearing about others similar experiences and assurance that I’m NTA, I’ll be moving on from this friendship.

¡Adios, amiga!