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Breadwinner husband gives SAHM $600 Christmas 'gift,' expects gaming console in return. AITA?

Breadwinner husband gives SAHM $600 Christmas 'gift,' expects gaming console in return. AITA?


"AITA For Ruining My Husband's Christmas?"

My (F29) husband (M33) is the breadwinner and I'm a sahm. We used to both work but due to medical problems I couldn't keep working. As a result I don't have what they call fun money or money to spend however I want.

My husband gives me money only to spend on the house or the kids but that's that. I might borrow money here and there or try to figure something out if I needed essential stuff like hygiene products.

This Christmas my husband gave me $600 dollars as my Christmas gift. I freaked out thinking I now have to get him a decent gift to match his. So I went shopping and got him the most offordable thing on his wish-list which was a $180 dollar pair of sneakers with his favorite color.

I didn't show him the gift until we visited his parents' house for Christmas and when it was time for gift opening he opened the gift, saw the sneakers and looked extremely extremely upset like he was about to blow up. I asked what's up and he asked why "in the blue hell" I decided to "waste money" and get him sneakers aka: the cheapest gift on his wishlist.

I said it's all I could afford and he literally lashed out and said "BS! I gave you $600 dollars that's about the right price for a new gaming console and it was right there at the top of my wishlist!"

He said it infront of his parents! It was so so awkward I felt so horrible I wanted to disappear. But I apologized and said I was sorry but I had other stuff I needed to buy and money wasn't enough.

He took it as in I was blaming him for not giving me enough money and picked an argument with me about how wasteful and financially irresponsoble I am otherwise I wouldn't be struggling with money for long.

I disagreed and said I don't have a salary due to medical issues not being irresponsible. Also told him he could get the gaming console himself since he has money but he got all dramatic and ranted about how he wouldn't because then he'll be judged for getting anything for himself.

His parents tried to get involved but he straightup told me how disappointed he was and said that I ruined his Christmas then went upstairs and avoided talking to me til we got back and the whole argument restarted.

He kept repeating that he was disappointed and that I ruined Christmas for him saying "good job screwing up" even after I pointed out how rude it was of him to react like that infront of his parents...He's wanting an apology atm and still upset about what I did. AITA?


For the record he used to own an xbox but it got broken like 3 years ago and he didn't want to get himself a new one saying that there are more important things to focus on. I get why he was disappointed but I argued with him about the kids gifts as well since that matters too.

Also I bought gifts for family members so I'm not sure if I was right to do that knowing money is tight. my mother in law got a an expensive gift from him and so did the rest of the family.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

kokihi_55 said:

NTA. Your husband is abusing you. This is literally financial abuse. You deserve money to spend on yourself, doesn't matter if you don't make a salary; you still do work keeping house.

Not only that, but yelling at you like that at all, but especially in front of people is also abusive. PLEASE look into getting disability or unemployment and get AWAY from him!!!

kellylovesdisney said:

So much this. NTA at all. You need to leave. I know it's scary. If you don't have family that can help you, you most likely qualify for Medicaid and other government subsidies since you have medical problems and cannot work.

You can even apply for money from social security disability if you're condition prohibits you from being able to work. Sending all my hugs your way.

blueinkblots said:

NTA, I also think the financial system they have set up is a red flag IMO, because she can’t even afford to get herself hygiene products… that’s abusive, because those are necessities. The next red flag is gifting her money that he wants spent on himself.

How does she get a gift, and how does she get her needs met? Honestly, he needs therapy because what is happening here is financial abuse. He should not be treating you like this, you don’t deserve it. If he refuses to change or see reason, please find a way to leave.

well-okay said:

NTA. He’s a massive one though and is abusing you. Let me say it again: this is financial ABUSE. You need to get help because you are being ABUSED by your husband.

Anarcho-WTF said:

NTA. It sounds like he is holding you hostage financially, and abusing you verbally and mentally. To do that in front of others is so disrespectful. He holds power over you and is absolutely abusing it.

Everyone was aggressively on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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