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'AITA for saying I wouldn’t allow my brother and his kids live with me when I buy my house?'

'AITA for saying I wouldn’t allow my brother and his kids live with me when I buy my house?'


"AITA for saying I wouldn’t allow my brother and his kids live with me when I buy my house?"

Hi so I’ve been saving to put a down payment down on a house in Brooklyn. If been hard saving and skipping night outs etc but I’ve always wanted to have something in my name so that later in life it will pay off.

I never usually tell my family about me making big decisions because in some way they always try to spin it to try to benefit them. I told my mom that I’m excited about a house I saw. It’s in Brooklyn but in the suburb of Brooklyn.

The house needs some work: new driveway, paint, I def would redo the kitchen . I’ve always been handy and I can do most of this stuff myself or figure it out. I’ve fixed/ worked on my car by watching videos on YouTube so I would prob do the same with the house.

But I wouldn’t mess with the plumbing or electrical work. It is a decent size house has 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and has a decent sized yard. I told my mom about it and she told my older brother. It’s him his wife and 3 kids they live about an hour and a half north. But he also works in the city like me.

He called me and told me how our mother told him about the house. He does work as a electrician and said he could help if I needed. I thought owe wow that’s great. He has his own house up north as well. I’ve been approved for the loan and waiting on paperwork etc.

He just called me today and asked when is he and the kids are moving in because he has to ask off work to move things. I was so confused because I thought he was just messing with me . So I said wait what are you saying? He said that he offered to do electrical work in the house so he and his kids should be able to live there.

I explain to him in what world does he believe doing electrical work equates to him living in a house that is mine? He started to go on about how having multiple kids is expensive and commuting everyday for work is costly. I simply said that is not my problem you are a adult. I hung up on him.

My mom called me screaming saying why am I promising to let my brother stay in the house and now changing my mind. I never promised anything to him and it’s annoying that he is trying to manipulate the situation. I told my mom that he offered to do electrical work and now he is saying he is moving in. I told her he is not moving in and I’ll hire someone else to do the work.

She started to tell me they are close to losing their house and need help and that I should because we are family. I asked her why is it that the people who are telling someone else too help, always the ones not offering help. (My mom telling me to help but she not offering for them to stay with her).

I said it’s not going to happen. Majority of my family have been calling me and saying I am disgraceful. It’s so annoying because I don’t want my brother on thes street with his family but what if I never got the house? They would’ve still been in the same predicament...I refuse to help, it makes me not even want to buy the house.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

lucille12121 said:

Your family sucks. Your mom is likely to blame. Boundaries are your friend. NTA.


NTA. Don’t even invite them over. They’ll bring luggage. The entitlement here is ridiculous

ConvivialKat said:

NTA. But you just learned two huge life lessons. 1) Keep your private stuff private. None of this would be happening if you hadn't told your mom prior to your purchase. 2) NEVER, and I mean, NEVER have family do any work on or in your home. Ever.

Don't let them change a light bulb, or they will be giving you instructions and making demands. "It makes me not even want to buy the house. "I sure understand this feeling. It really depends on how much you love the home. Don't let them ruin it for you.

TheSingingRonin said:

Definitely NTA. I would keep your new address a secret if I were you.

nytocarolina said:

Be the disgrace that lives a long, healthy and happy life in your own home. Congratulations and best of luck with the house. NTA: people love offering things that don’t belong to them.

OnShrooms69 said:

NTA: Try this "Hello family member. I see, you're calling to tell me how disgraceful I am for not offering to move his entire family into my new home. I assume you're going to end this rant by explaining how you, the not disgraceful family member who is so much better than I am, are of course offering to house, feed and cloth his entire family free of charge immediately?

No? So you're also disgraceful and selfish? Were you perhaps calling to ask if I wanted to join your club or support group?"

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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