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'AITA for saying yes when my BF proposed to me at my sister (his ex's) bday party?' MAJOR UPDATES

'AITA for saying yes when my BF proposed to me at my sister (his ex's) bday party?' MAJOR UPDATES


"AITA for saying yes to my boyfriend's proposal?"

Hi. Sorry, I usually just read through this sub, but this happened and I've been wondering if I'm the asshole, so I decided to ask. So, basically, I'm 24NB. My boyfriend (Fiance?) is 25M. My sister is 26F, and I don't know the ages of most of her friends, but roughly the same age.

Now, my sister and my boyfriend/fiance do not get along well. I don't really know what happened. I think my sister is just upset because she has issues with commitment, and she dated him at their high school (I went to a different high school), and then cheated him, and is upset he broke up with her. I met him in college, and didn't know it was him.

Now, what happened is, last week it was my sister's birthday. She was always into stupidly lavish things, we both are, so she threw a big birthday party at a venue in the forest.

Me and my boyfriend/fiance were both invited. We've been dating for a few years and he's never been invited to one of my sister's birthday parties before, so we were both thrilled at this development.

At the party, my sister was busy opening all her presents, then eating cake, both of which we were there for. Afterward, my sister started talking to her friends, and the guests started to explore the area. It was stunning. Me and my boyfriend were a little bit away when we found a little clearing. We were still pretty close to the venue, but I think it was pretty private. My boyfriend thought so too.

He got down on one knee, and proposed. He didn't have a ring, he had one at home though, but he had woven a ring out of grass while we were walking (we are both very fidgety), so he put that on my finger after I said yes.

Apparently it wasn't as private as I thought, because when we got back to the venue after taking a selfie and scheduling a post for a few hours after the party was scheduled to end, I was bombarded by a shower of congratulations. Turns out my sister's friend, "Lisa", saw my boyfriend propose, and then came back to the venue and told everyone.

I figured that I could show them the ring, and tell the story, and then move on from that and back to my sister. While I was being congratulated, another girl, one of my sister's best friends, came up to me, asked to see the ring, and told me that "Wow, he even skimped out on a ring. He couldn't plan his own proposal, or get you a nice ring."

I was upset, because I wasn't even planning to tell anyone. If someone noticed the ring, I would tell them, but I wasn't going to announce it to the world, or do it in public where everyone can see us. We left immediately afterwards, and my entire family has been blowing up my phone calling me an attention seeking b-word, and that I shouldn't have done that to my sister.

I'm worried I might be an asshole because it was my sister's birthday. and if I said no maybe she wouldn't have been upset about my boyfriend proposing.

Relevant Comments:

"What all do you know about your sister and bf's history?"

"And when I say I don't know why they don't get along, I mean that when they broke up, my sister had only dated him for a couple months, cheated on him, and when I introduced him to my family, they seemed to get along, then he told me what happened, in case there was any awkwardness, and then a couple months later she kind of... just hated him again, and refused to tell me why. Sorry that wasn't clear."

Did he know you were related to your sister?

"He didn't know it was me, I don't think so at at least, until we went to meet the parents, and my sister subsequentially. Obviously since the dinner was a bit awkward, I asked him about it on the ride home.

He told me a brief summary of their history, which I listed here. I genuinely don't know anything else about their past, and he might have been lying, now that I think about it. These comments have kind of opened my eyes."

"My name is rare enough that if you went to the same high school with two people who had that name, you would assume they're related, but not so rare that you would assume everyone with that name from the same area that has that name is related."

Commenters voted "YTA."

The next day, OP shared this first update:

Hey guys, I'll probably do a more complete update later, but scrolling through your posts kind of awoken something in me. I've never been good with people (Undiagnosed Autism), so it didn't occur to me that my BF might have been lying about my sister. I told him that I was going to be thinking about some things, gave him back the ring, and called a friend we both knew in high school.

He said that apparently my BF was lying. See, I was in a student exchange program when they were dating. So I never knew what happened, since the drama died down before I got back, but apparently my BF not only lied about my sister cheating, but also lied about why they stopped getting along.

Yeah. Apparently, not only did my sister not cheat, the reason they broke up is because my BF did. Cheat that is. With his brother. At least that's what the rumors that went around said. Neither of them shared. And then tried to sleep with my sister, which is why she got cold around him again. She didn't tell me because she didn't want to ruin my happiness.

So as far as I can tell, he might have proposed to me as a twisted revenge scheme of some kind. I'm thinking about it all over. I will make another update post later when I've figured all the pieces out.

Relevant Comment:

"Apparently the rumor that went around was that either my sister broke up with him because she walked in on him and his brother doing stuff or my bf broke up with her because she didn’t want to do things with both of them. Those were the two biggest rumors at school. Neither shared the real reason, but the brother was involved." Dude, nothing to think over, just end it.

And OP's response:

"I'm going to try and talk to my sister first. I want to hear everything from her side, not through word of mouth."

A week later, OP shared this minor update:

My sister requested we keep our distance, so I wasn’t talking to her because of that, but I arranged a meeting through my mom. And yeah. I’m realizing I was used like hell. Luckily I can now call him my ex. Unluckily, he isn’t taking it well. A lot of stuff is happening though. I’m waiting to do an official update until everything settles down more.

Then, eight months later, he shared this final, major update:

I am so sorry. I know it's been, what, several months, but to be honest I lost my computer and in all the drama that happened, I was recommended to not post anyhting until everything was finished, so yeah. Also, so people who used she/her in the comments, I actually use he/fae pronouns currently (at the time I used he/they).

So, anyway, turns out the high school rumors were fake, which I'm sure no one is surprised about. They were outlandish, and while they did pique my interest in what went down, I didn't really believe them. Now, I spoke to my sister about what happened as some of you suggested, and I learned the following things:

- My ex fiancee was her ex boyfriend, obviously, and he stalked her for a long time after they dated, trying to get him to take her back, until he got put in the mental hospital.

- When I brought him home, after I went to bed, he tried to hit on her and sleep with her. The reason she didn't tell me was because he apologized in the morning and he went through therapy at the hospital. She assumed that we were in a healthy relationship and that I was happy. She assumed he was a better person now.

Anyway, I spoke to some of my friends about it, and his friends. Turns out he didn't 'Not know who I was' before hand. He would talk about me to his friends, he would pester my friends from high school about what college I was going to. So yeah, this guy was dangerous, and I'm very happy I talked to them.

After all the things that happened, I told him I wanted him to move out for a while because of all the backlash and I needed to think about. Yeah, that was a bad move, and he tried to break into my house multiple times.

We're all safe now, and me and my family have restraining orders on him, and he was arrested. He got put in the mental hospital again, and the authorities say he'll probably be going to jail when or if he gets out of there.

The months following this, I have been unlearning a lot of the bad habits I had gotten into. Turns out I was stupid and looking at everything through rose tinted lenses. Not only that, but I was basically only surrounded by his equally awful friends (Though not all of them, shout out to Jack!).

So yeah, I'm in a better space now, I'm happier now, I broke up with that man, and I burned the ring (oh, and apparently he wanted to do it as one last "screw you "to my sister and it wasn't spur of the moment, so there's that too).

I'm living with my sister and her husband, I've been getting some therapy to get over being in a shitty relationship and break these habits. I probably won't get into another relationship any time soon, but I decided to go back to college.

Sources: Reddit
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