My birthday came and my aunt said she got me a gift, she says that she hopes that I like it. I told her “great can’t wait to get it and it’s the thought that counts”. She had some issues tracking the shipment of her gift so she asked me several times if I’ve received her gift in the mail. I told her not yet.
Eventually I got her gift and opened it. It was a scale. It’s a ‘smart’ scale that people use to not only measure your weight but also literal body fat and other such things. I was kinda confused because I don’t see myself being excited over a scale at all.
I explained to my aunt thanks for the gift, it’s the thought that counts. She replied and said that I should step on the scale get all of my information AND have my wife use the scale too and send BOTH of our information from the scale to her.
She will then go over our personal information and explain to us how we measure up to people our age. As an athlete for many years I can confidently say that I’ve never really struggled with my weight so I’m not even sure where she’s coming from (note that she’s a dietitian).
All of this is done while I was assisting my wife with recovering from a surgery. I politely declined her offer the best way I could and said it’s personal information that I choose to not share with anybody.
I then explained that I’m grateful for the gift and it’s really the thought that counts. Her reply was really snarky. She basically apologized that I don’t trust her to share my info and that I should send the scale back as she’ll put it to better use.
At this point it really feels like she didn’t want to give me any gift at all and just wanted personal information from me and my wife. My wife agreed with me and explained that I should just send the scale back just to put the nail in the coffin and end this whole thing.
So I did. I spent my money to send a scale back to my aunt. I then sent my aunt the shipping tracking number in a text and explained that if she could refrain from giving gifts with assignments or further contingencies to where the ‘gift’ will ultimately need to be returned that would be great.
My aunt replied with another snarky text and said that we shouldn’t exchange gifts at all. I didn’t really agree with what she wanted. I still wanted to send her and my uncle gifts for their birthdays (both of their birthdays are about a week apart). Anyway about 6 months later I sent my aunt and uncle small birthday gifts from Amazon. Things of maybe $50 each. I sent those gifts without any strings attached.
My aunt then sent me a text saying that she was disappointed in receiving my gift as it breaks our ‘agreement’ and we shouldn’t send and only send loving thoughts to each other. She returned both gifts that I sent… I’m totally confused on her priorities and intentions now. AITA?
NTA. You are nicer than I am. I would have sent her "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior" or a similar book on etiquette and manners.
That's a pretty good read. One thing that stuck in my mind is her discussion of the "calling card code", where you bend one or more corners of the card to leave an additional, unwritten message, like "Congratulations" or "Sorry for your loss".
Check with your uncle cause I bet he didn't even know you sent him a gift.
snowsean1988 (OP)
I’ve honestly thought about that. I also thought about what good it would do if I bring it to light. It would honestly just stir up more drama. It’s like they want to get a rise out of me or something.
NTA. I'd reply "Well, we won't have to bother with the loving thoughts either, huh?" and block her, myself, but you are probably nicer than I am.
NTA...your aunt is not being a very nice person. You on the other hand might be too nice.
NTA. This is private information your aunt wanted. Definitely not her business, no matter her job. You didn’t play to her games, so she thinks she’s punishing you by declining gifts from you. She’s trying to manipulate you.
Grey rock her, do exactly what she says. And when she gets upset that you didn’t send gifts next time, reply with a screen shot of your agreement. Or. Donate the you would have used to a cause you support, and let her know this was in lieu of a gift to her and her husband. Two can play these games.
How old is she? Maybe she needs a checkup. Did Uncle say anything about this whole mess?
snowsean1988 (OP)
73 at the time. He and her are playing it like nothing even happened and spreading the word that I was too ungrateful for their birthday ‘gift’ to me and sent it back. Completely omitting the fact that she made it about her wanting mine and my wife’s private info.
If only she had just sent "loving thoughts" and not the scales .... but here we are.
NTA.
snowsean1988 (OP)
I’m really settling with the fact that she and I won’t ever exchange gifts after this… I’m honestly 100% fine with it. I just don’t like to see my loving relationship with her get so bruised from this.
Nta, your concerns were valid and you did what she asked, she then got petty. Weird enough to gift someone scales, but crosses the line asking you to send her your measurements.
There is zero chance I would send my personal stats to a relative, and it's weird she asked for that for both you and your wife. Stop sending her gifts and be happy that she's said this. You're NTA.