'AITA for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?'
"AITA for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?"
I (M, 37) have always been close to my sister (F, 35). We talk regularly, and during one such conversation, she told me she’s been feeling really depressed / overwhelmed lately.
As we were talking, I could tell she was holding back tears. So I decided to do something nice for her. I contacted a local florist and put in an order for some flowers. I had them delivered to my sister’s place of employment with a note reading “Thinking of you.”
A few hours later, the florist called me up and told me a man has been calling them non-stop and demanding they tell him who sent his wife flowers. They tried to explain that it was against their policy to reveal that information, but the man wouldn’t talk no for an answer.
Apparently he became so aggressive and threatening over the phone, the shop called me up and asked my permission to reveal the name of the sender to the man. The man being my brother-in-law.
It turns out, my sister had called her husband and thanked him for the flowers. He told her he hadn’t sent any flowers and accused her of having an affair. He believed her affair partner had sent them to her, which is why he called the florist like a lunatic, demanding names.
Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since. My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card. Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened. I say it’s my brother-in-law to blame, as he was the one who can’t control his temper. So reddit, am I the asshole?
Let's see what readers thought:
agaup writes:
ESH…So, I am not sure how anyone thinks sending anonymous flowers to a married woman would end up well. You are 37. Old enough to know better. Sister thinks husband did a nice thing for her, turns out husband did not. Who did?!
Why did you not sign the card?! Have you told them it was you? Husband is an all around jerk for flying off the handle right away. Why assume wife/sister is having an affair right off the bat? I have a feeling sister is depressed because of him.
aghapue writes:
ESH It's obvious why BIL is an ass, so I won't even get into that. As others have said, you should have known this could cause strife in your sister's marriage, even if you didn't know the degree to which your BIL would pop off.
However, I want to point out, how you set your sister up. She has been depressed lately and got flowers with a sweet note, "Thinking of you."
She was probably excited to have received such a sweet gesture from who she thought was her husband. Can you imagine how gutted she must have felt when he told her they weren't from him?
And now she's gone from happy/excited to have gotten flowers to being yelled at and accused of cheating from her AH husband. You probably meant well (but honestly should have known better), but you set your sister up and she's probably more depressed now than she was before you did anything. That's also a creepy note to include anonymously.
chrsimt7n writes:
NTA. You had good intentions and wanted to cheer up your sister during a tough time. It’s unfortunate that your brother-in-law overreacted and turned a kind gesture into a point of conflict. While including your name on the card might have avoided the misunderstanding, it’s not your fault that he jumped to extreme conclusions and acted aggressively toward the florist.
Ultimately, his insecurities and inability to handle the situation maturely are the real issues here. Hopefully, your sister can address this with him and get the support she needs moving forward. You were just trying to be a thoughtful sibling, and that’s never a bad thing.
agraoa writes:
ESH. Who sends anonymous flowers, especially to someone in a relationship?! Your BIL is overreacting, but goddamn I'd be angry as hell if someone sent me anonymous flowers. My husband would believe me, but no need to plant a seed of doubt like that.
feals writes:
YTA. You set your sister up for even more disappointment. She was probably excited to get the flowers and perhaps thrilled that her husband noticed her enough to do this for her. What she ended up getting was accusations and recriminations and her excitement was completely deflated. She’s probably in worse shape now. You should have signed the card.
fleaba writes:
YTA so you send a married woman flowers with a card saying “thinking of you” with no name, what would be your reaction if it was your wife receiving them?! Just come clean and solve the mess you created! How old are you 5? Unless you are in love with your sister and secretly want your brother in law out of the picture! Where are you from? Alabama?