'AITA for sending our wedding band home mid-party?' 'My ex is one of the members.'
"AITA for sending our wedding band home mid-party when I found out my ex is one of the members?"
Got married yesterday. When we arrived at the reception venue, everything was already in place. It was not until when were called up for our first dance that I recognized the singer from the band to be my ex gf from high school.
We haven't talked for over 15 yrs. My wife doesn't know much about my exes, we just never talked about past relationships further than “I’ve had 3 exes." During the dance I couldn't help but only focus on the fact that she is up there on the stage. I know my wife was the one in charge for the music for the day.
She never told me what she booked, nor I ever asked about what it is. I asked her what made her choose that band. She said she went through an entertainment agency, saw the ex’s portfolio which was good and within budget and booked.
I told her the singer is my ex from high school and that I'm not comfortable with her performing. She said that's an odd coincidence and told me “Why is this an issue, it happened long ago?"
I told her yes but I’m weirded out by it. My wife then said it's just music and not to make that much of a big deal since the band is doing a good job. I told her I want to talk with the band.
My ex recognized me and she was being very professional about it. She said she doesn't know it's going to be my wedding and only knew when she got into the venue for prep and saw some other mutual friends. I told her to finish up in the next 30 minutes and to leave.
She looked shocked and so did her band members. I reassured them it's not because of the performance. One of the band members said even though they were being asked to leave early, since they already rocked up and this is a change of mind on the day, there will be no refunds. I told them I won't be pursuing a refund.
Told my wife that the band is leaving and she was livid. Kept asking me why it's such a big deal because of an ex and asked me if I still had feelings for her. I said no that's absurd, but I felt uncomfortable that I was reminded of my past relationship at the worst possible time.
She told me I am wasting her money .I told her we could get another DJ that we can get on the spot with the help of the venue in which I will fully pay for. She told me that's just another waste of money because "my feelings are too fragile and that I can't see the bigger picture."
After the band left, I went straight to the venue manager to sort things out…long story short shit got sorted… DJ did a good job, the guests seemed to have a good time and didn’t notice it but my wife was NOT enjoying it at all. After everything was over she went straight to bed at the hotel. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Witty-Help-1822 said:
I wouldn’t marry someone as fragile as you. YTA, and you ruined your wife’s wedding day. You were pretty selfish only thinking of yourself. Trust me, you will hear about this for years ( and you should) My condolences to your poor wife.
mlc885 said:
YTA for ruining your own wedding over nothing. Too bad for your partner that she will be stuck getting divorced.
C_Majuscula said:
YTA it's been 15 years. You unilaterally made a decision without consulting YOUR PARTNER. AT YOUR WEDDING, which it sounds like you weren't that involved with planning. Start groveling now.
Maximum-Swan-1009 said:
YTA, my condolences to your wife for the death of your marriage on Day One.
_baibai_ said:
You’re kind of the ahole. Why was this ex such a distraction on your wedding day? Definitely seems like you could have been more focused on your wife and her experience.
Nrysis said:
YTA. You wife is right, why should it matter? You are completely overreacting to something that should have been nothing more than a funny story.
Typical_Nebula3227 said:
Yeah YTA, you made your wife angry on what was supposed to be a fabulous day.