'AITA for serving my wife less food than me and our guests?'
"AITA for serving my wife less food than me and our guests?"
Acceptable-Split-428
My wife (f25) and I (m29) have been married for a year but together for four. Ever since I met her, she has had a weird habit surrounding food. I noticed it our very first date.
Instead of eating equally everything on her plate, she eats the sides first, then the main, and the drinks her drink. I eventually asked why she does this and she said she doesn’t know but she can’t stomach eating a bite here or a bit there of different things. She doesn’t like when different things “get in her stomach at the same time”.
Because of this she often gets full before she even eats half of the main, and then she gets hungry later on or upset because she couldn’t taste the main food. Sometimes she wants to drink with everyone else but she simply can’t let herself.
So now every time we make dinner, I serve her a lot less than what I think she will eat. That way she eats all the sides, then gets to the main and actually can eat it, try it, and enjoy a drink. If she is hungry still she has no problem doing the same thing twice. It’s just a quirk she has- it doesn’t bother me.
This past weekend we hosted dinner for her sister, sisters husband, and a mutual couple friend. I saw her sister eyeballing her plate as I gave it to her, but I assumed she also knew the food thing and maybe that’s why.
Well after dinner (of which my wife ate her first plate of food, her drink, and then a bit more of a second), her sister approached me as I was doing dishes. She asked me why I was “limiting” my wife’s food. I kind of laughed because I was surprised by this and said I’m not, and explained what I said up there.
Her sister told me that was unacceptable and that my wife was “allowed” to eat how and what she wanted. I explained I absolutely agreed- this is just something really small that helps her.
But her sister was livid and even took it as far as telling the other couple. I cleared it up with that couple who said they didn’t care nor did they believe I starving my own wife. AITA for doing this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Laiko_Kairen
Is your wife okay with this?
If she is, who gives a shit what some third party thinks?
The OP responded here:
Acceptable-Split-428
Yes she’s totally fine with it, she actually likes it.
Mykkus_65
Then sis can pound sand.
Horror-Reveal7618
"Her sister told me that was unacceptable and that my wife was “allowed” to eat how and what she wanted."
Sister should listen to her own words. If she had a problem about how you served your wife's plate, she should have talked about it with your wife. NTA.
shoshant
NTA. This is a tried and true system that works for the two of you. I respect your SIL for trying to look after her sister, but she is TA for approaching you (and more so for involving your other guests). She should be checking in with her own sister, who could have cleared it up with no drama.
IDMike2008
NTA - Because you have discussed it with your wife and it's something she prefers it's none of her sister's business. However, I can see a sister being concerned and trying to look out for her sibling. My question is why didn't she just ask her sister what was going on?
OOkami89
That’s a sign of a good husband. You noticed that she can’t eat much and served her food in a way that she can finish and have more later.
Basicallyacrow7
To be honest, this sounds like a very simple, sweet gesture to me. Your wife obviously has the option to get more if she chooses, but having less means she gets to try everything. I think this is perfect for:
“To be loved it to be seen”
NTA. I’ve noticed recently there’s SO much pushe toward making sure we don’t “control” our SO/spouse, we’re losing little gestures like this because people say it’s controlling (like her sister) If your wife appreciates it, that’s all that matters. I personally am a sucker for these little gestures that show love and knowledge of your spouse 🖤
YepWrongGuy
The problem with some people is that they need to interject themselves into perceived problems to create a cause to champion (often uninvited) to validate their existence.
Your wife is an adult, if you serve her food the way she prefers then it's none of your wifes sisters damn business. People who cause problems for the sake of causing problems (a simple conversation with your wife would have sufficed) shouldn't expect to be invited back.
Inkylulu
NTA. I have the same quirk your wife has. My SIL gave me shit for it when I first met her but my husband shut that down quickly with his sister because he knew I was like this since he met me.
My husband too, would give me smaller portions and tell me to let him know if I was still hungry and there's plenty more. I like to eat all of the same item, sides first then move to the next when it's done. I also don't like my food touching each other if they are different. I get full rather quickly but then hungry later. Tell SIL to kick rocks.
rockandroller
NTA. Honestly OP you are a lot more accommodating than I could ever be and kudos to you working out a system that works for both of you. You're NTA but wife needs to explain to her sister that this is something that HELPS her because of her proclivities and allows her to try more of the food that's presented. She should be stepping up here and defending you and the practice.