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Parents set up safety fund for daughter, 'just in case,' raising husband's concerns. AITA?

Parents set up safety fund for daughter, 'just in case,' raising husband's concerns. AITA?

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"AITA for setting up a 'just in case' fund for my daughter?"

Otherwise-File5199

My daughter has been married to her husband for 3 years and they recently had their first child. The entire time they’ve been married, she’s been a housewife and now she’s a stay at home mom with no plans to return to work. I think that’s fine and have been supportive. I also know she and her husband both have sizeable life insurance policies so if god forbid, one dies, they’ll be okay.

However, she also signed a prenup. Which again, I think is smart. But according to my daughter, she’d get a very small settlement. And even with child support, there’s a good chance she’d have to return to work.

And after being out of the workforce for a bit, who knows if that’ll be a challenge. My main worry is my niece fell into this scenario and even with child support, she struggled.

So, my husband (her father) and I set up a “just in case” account. If she and her husband divorce, she’ll have money to fall back on just in case. If they remain married past the time my husband and I die, it’ll just be added to what she’ll inherit.

I didn’t intend on telling her about it unless it happened but my husband pointed out that if she was ever in a situation where she wanted to leave but worried she financially couldn’t, it’d be good for her to know she has a Plan B.

So, we told her and she was a little surprised. She said she appreciated it but felt we were “rooting against her”. I said we love her husband and hope they have a long, healthy marriage. We have always been supportive. But this is similar to the prenup. A just in case. A last resort.

Well, she told her husband and he’s angry at us as well, saying that we don’t trust him. I said it’s looking out for our daughter and really is no different from the prenup. I added that just as he’ll always want to protect his daughter, we’ll always want to protect ours. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

omeomi24

NTA for thinking of your daughter's welfare. It would be impressive had you not felt the need to TELL her about it. Since neither your daughter nor her husband are happy about this 'fund' you may want to rethink the idea. Why are you arguing with your son-in-law about this? It sounds manipulative though I know it was not meant that way.

StephieVee

NTA in his own words, your son-in-law said he doesn’t trust your daughter by having her sign a prenup. Does nobody see the double standard? I am struggling every single day.

My parents had something set aside for me if I were faced with this very scenario. I was. Only my abusive ex found out and stole every last dime. We had to start over with literally nothing. Your daughter should be grateful.

forgeris

NTA. I love when you tell someone "I have some money just in case you ever need it" and they immediately get offended because your action threatens their marriage. I would ask them - if your marriage is so fragile that my money can influence it then maybe you don't have anything at all.

People see what they want to see and such situations reveal perfectly what mindset they have - victim or not. Victims immediately will find something to be offended about and you can't do anything about it.

If someone has a good and strong marriage there is no amount of people telling them that they are not gonna last long that would influence them in any way, but if you believe otherwise then...

Garamon7

NTA. The real problem is, did you do the right thing by telling your daughter about this? It's a difficult question, but in the end - I think it turned out well. Why? Because one more scenario is possible: the husband... well, let's just say that he is doing something wrong, but he doesn't want a divorce.

The wife wants to leave, but stays because she is convinced that she cannot cope on her own and is dependent on her husband. If this ever happens, your daughter will know that she can get a new start and is not doomed to a life in an unhappy relationship.

baloo1970

NTA. Husband’s response should have been “great, if something were to happen, my wife and child will have additional resources and less need” Or “Great, now I know my wife won’t just stay with me to avoid starvation” if you wanna be less kind.

2moms3grls

Wow. Dude wanted a pre-nup but no just-in-case fund for her? Who were he/his parents "rooting for" with that pre-nup. Good for you guys, you just leveled the playing field. She is lucky to have you and I'm glad he knows. Makes for a more equal dynamic. NTA.

SkyeMirage

NTA. You're just being a caring and pragmatic. It's true that life doesn't always go as planned, and you want to ensure your daughter's financial stability in case her marriage takes an unexpected turn.

This "just in case" fund is a practical way to show your love and support, much like having insurance—you hope you never need it, but it's there if you do. This is about being prepared for any possible outcome.

She may not realize it now, but this is a valuable lesson that could help her feel more confident in her future, regardless of how her marriage unfolds. As a parent, you have every right to protect your daughter and look out for her best interests. Your actions come from a place of love and concern, and that's nothing to feel guilty about.

LilyXMaes

NTA. You're just being a loving and supportive parent by looking out for your daughter's financial security,especially given her situation. It's understandable that your daughter and her husband might feel a bit uncomfortable, but it's important to remember that you're not trying to undermine their marriage, but rather provide a safety net in case things don't work out.

Test-Subject-593

NTA. Imagine if we could all see the future. Nobody goes into a marriage thinking, "Gosh, I hope this crashes and burns and I'm financially kicked in the crotch!" but it happens, even to the best of couples. You're doing the right thing. I'm not sure how you fix this, though, beyond lying to them, apologizing, all while keeping the fund going.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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