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'AITA for shouting at my husband at a gathering after my MIL shamed my stretch marks?' UPDATED

'AITA for shouting at my husband at a gathering after my MIL shamed my stretch marks?' UPDATED

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Standing up for yourself is essential, especially when it ruffles hypocritical feathers.

"AITA for shouting at my husband at a family gathering?"

I(25F) and my (27M) husband had a child 3 months ago but the pregnancy was hard on my body especially after the delivery I have stretch marks all over my stomach and I also got diagnosed with PPD. Well, I am working on it now and doing better day by day but since my delivery I have been extremely tired taking care of the baby and stuff.

But since last two weeks I started going to the gym again with my husband. One thing which irked me was he always made remarks about my stretch marks and how I should be somewhat better by now ( he was talking about my body ) and how it always "turned him off." I kept up with it since I didn't have any mental strength to argue.

But 4 days ago when I was feeding the baby, he again made a remark about my stretch marks I don't know what happened inside me but I shouted back at him and literally berated him about it so much that the baby started crying, I took the baby and went to the spare bedroom to sleep.

Well since that day he has been giving me the cold shoulder and we only ever talk when it's about the baby. Yesterday we had to go to his mom's house for a family gathering and midway through the night when all the people were present in a single room she brought up the topic about my body and my stretch marks.

Shebasically said it's not normal that I still have them, and must not be doing enough to get rid of them. Well, all the people ages 40+ chimed in my MIL's support, I was so embarrassed and ashamed by this that I left midway but I did shout at them and I left without my husband.

I drove to my sister's home with the baby and am living here since yesterday. Most our mutual friends ( specifically guys) support him and have bombarded me with messages about how I overreacted and it's my fault well so did my husband this morning saying how I am overreacting and it's nothing I should just come back, etc, etc.

I haven't replied to any of them but I don't have the mental capacity to even think about it but I do think I shouldn't have shouted at them and I was wrong but I need an outside perspective. So AITA?

PS: my husband has always been supportive and caring even during and after the pregnancy, the stretch marks on my body are the only thing he complained about and for the first time since we are married did he complain about anything.

The internet had OP's back.

Pure-Philosopher-175 wrote:

NTA at all. Your husband and his family are massive ones. I’m so sorry they have been so horrible to you. Those stretch marks are evidence of the 9 months you spent growing and carrying HIS child!

Trying to recover from pregnancy, birth, PPD and adjusting to the needs of a new baby is no mean feat. He should be worshipping the ground you walk on, not critiquing your body and shaming you for not physically recovering to his shallow standards.

The fact that he complained to his mother about your body and she raised it in front of everyone just boggles my mind. He and the family absolutely deserved everything you gave them, and more. Please don’t go back to him unless he sincerely apologises and supports you against these family members and so-called friends.

Mandiezie1 responded:

And the fact that his mother and her female family members agree is even worse. Bc stretch marks aren’t like acne or something; it took her 9 months to develop them, so idk how the hell they think they should go away in 3. It’s literally the elasticity in the skin giving way. OP should block everyone. Husband isn’t as supportive as she thinks he is and if she takes time to think about it, she’ll probably see the trend. NTA.

lostalldoubt86 wrote:

NTA- You gave birth three months ago. It takes 2 months (6-8 weeks) just to recover physically. Why does he think you are magically going to look exactly the same? As for the stretch marks comments, those also aren’t just going to disappear.

You didn’t yell at him in front of his family. You rightfully told off everyone in that room making horrible comments about something that is none of their business. Your friends telling you that you are overreacting should not be your friends. Stay with your sister until you get a genuine apology.

northerntropicaz wrote:

NTA. Some people have those stretch marks for life. Hopefully not you, and there are definitely things that make them better. But how dare any of them have an opinion on that! They sound like the most awful shallow people. It is totally unrealistic to think there is a time frame for something like that. And even more ridiculous to think that it’s acceptable to pile on someone about it.

fallingintopolkadots wrote:

NTA. You gave birth 3 months ago, have PPD....and he's thinking it's okay to bitch about your stretch marks? STRETCH MARKS? There is so SO much more important things in his life right now and that's what he's fixating on?! Dude needs to grow the f#$k up.

A week later, OP shared an update.

Few things I should have mentioned in my last post but i didn't- Not all people were against me many supported me my fault for not mentioning it also this happens a lot in Asian families and honestly I was surprised it's so rare everywhere else lol.

Well I found how my MIL came to know about my stretchmarks. My husband casually mentioned in a chat he had with her and it turns out she barely has any stretch marks on her (superior genetics I guess...).

Surprise, surprise for some reason she hates me and she tried to turn my husband against me by telling him that's it not normal and I must be doing something wrong and that it can be harmful for the baby (the audacity). I guess it worked my husband also started doubting and pestering me about it.

I had a long chat with my husband about it and he's agreed to try to work things out starting with marriage counseling as many of you suggested and I also twisted his arm to go to individual therapy. We are still living separately and to make things clear he has never abused me before this incident though thanks to you all I realized how condescending his family was towards me subtly.

He has agreed to go NC with them and we won't be allowing them to visit the baby. I have told him that if things don't work out divorce is still very much an option for me so I hope it doesn't get to it. Anyways thank you all for your advice, it helped me so much and i hope it all works out for me :)

The internet continued to have her back.

Commntnmama wrote:

Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away? Or your mil? What a bunch of ignorant cads.

old-vegetables wrote:

I wonder how one justifies stretch marks being bad for the baby.

KSknitter wrote:

Omg. I have had 4 kids and yes my stretch marks have faded but those kids are 18, 16, 14 and 11. It takes a few years to fade but they are still most definitely there. If I gets brought up again I would ask my MIL to show show you her belly right there and see how perfect her stomach area is so your husband can make a comparison.

Pretty_Little_Mind wrote:

I have friends who were skinny as hell and got stretch marks on their inner thighs in HS simple from growing. I sincerely hope your husband is honest in his NC with his family. His mom sounds poisonous.

tinamadinspired wrote:

If stretch marks from pregnancy can disappear just like thatšŸ«°, stretch marks from just adding pounds should disappear quicker. Right? Nope, still there. Your husband is stupid and hateful. I wish your kid never inherits that.

NightSalut wrote:

Good for you for standing your ground. Stretch marks and whether one gets them or not is very individualistic and I think it’s also slightly genetic. It’s down to how elastic someone’s in is and hormones affect that.

Someone may be super skinny, but their skin stretches well and they never get a single stretch mark or you may be slightly more voluptuous and therefore think that your body may be more forgiving with extra weight, but get stretch marks really easily. There is no guarantee not to get them, unfortunately.

There are some things that help with them (Bio Oil and some vitamins, vitamin E I think), but ultimately, they may never entirely disappear. And your husband is still a huge prick for getting mad at you after YOUR body grew and birthed a baby.

Sources: Reddit
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