'AITA for snapping at my ex wife for eating one of the kids’ lunch treats?' 'This was too much.'
"AITA for snapping at my ex wife for eating one of the kids’ lunch treats?"
I’m a dad of 3, ages 3, 4 and 5. I have full custody of the kids. My ex wife currently lives with us because she either can’t or won’t work. That’s a different discussion for another post. AITA for snapping at her just now when I discovered she’d eaten one of the three snack cakes I had for the kids’ lunches?
While I generally don’t object to sharing food with the ex, I’ve asked her on several occasions not to eat the treats I buy for the kids because I generally apportion them equally and plan my grocery shopping accordingly.
I just went to make lunch for the kids and one of the three remaining Zebra cakes in the package was missing. The kids are still not into pilfering food so I asked the ex if she ate one of them. She smirked and said “yeh, sorry.”
I’m already tense over having her on my home while I still do approximately 80 to 90 percent of the child care. This was too much. I snapped and, while I didn’t yell, I very forcefully told her she shouldn’t take their food and that she needs to shop for herself (I’d just picked up a few things for her this morning at wal mart because she rarely has the wherewithal to shop for herself - see a pattern here)?
She responded by telling me that she’d be open to a discussion if I didn’t use such an aggressive tone. So am I the ahole for taking an aggressive, forceful tone and pretty much chewing her out for once again screwing up my plans for the kids’ lunches?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
phostachio said:
NTA, why do you let her live with you? Her not having a job isn’t your responsibility.
Apart-Ad-6518 said:
NTA. So let's review: She doesn't work. She doesn't shop. You do 80% 90% of the childcare. You have custody. She steals the kids' food. The kids will be picking up the tension between you, you can bet on it. She's a mooch. Kick her out.
Leather-Share5175 said:
NTA, but her living with you isn’t a “whole separate issue.” It’s literally the entire f$king issue.
Crafty_Meeting2657 said:
NTA. She might be making progress, but her presence is bad for you and the kids. You are teaching them it is okay to be a doormat.
Correct-Jump8273 said:
NTA, she's not only defiant & disrespectful of your request that has to do with her kids, she doesn't give a flip about discussing anything with you. She's not going to change. She's freeloading & a mooch.
Time for her to go bye-bye. It doesn't matter she's the mother of your children, she apparently doesn't care enough about them to help out. So letting her take advantage of you because of the mom card.
Catsbirdshorses said:
NTA. But this situation sounds poisonous. One way or another, you need to get this woman out or to leave her behind.
Fickle_Toe1724 said:
NTA. Son, listen. You have full custody for a reason. Get that woman out of your home, now. She is not contributing anything to your life, or your kids. If she will literally take your CHILDREN'S FOOD, what else is she doing?
Get her out now. Your children will be better off with only one parent, who is not so stressed. Kids pick up on that. The more and longer you are stressed out, they will become more clingy and stressed. Get her out.
Ex is not your problem. She can go to her own family, or grow up and get a job. She does not need to be around your children until she gets some help for her mental issues. Get her out. You will feel better. Yes, I am more than old enough to be your mother. I am worried about those kids. Hugs from an internet Mom.
UPDATE:
Thank you for all of the feedback. The kids and I took my parents out for my dad’s 79th birthday. I couldn’t believe there were so many responses when I got home. I’ll try to read as many as I can and reply when relevant. Thank you!