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'AITA for spoiling my friend's bachelorette party and backing out of the wedding?' UPDATED

'AITA for spoiling my friend's bachelorette party and backing out of the wedding?' UPDATED

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Hell hath no fury like an inconvenient truth revealed right before a wedding.

"AITA for spoiling my friend's bachelorette party?"

I (30F) spoiled my friend's bachelorette party and now am being kicked out of the wedding party. She is one of my close friends and I have been feeling devastated and guilty by the turn of events since last weekend. I am using fake names since I want to keep it anonymous. My friend Joanna (29F) is getting married, and I was incredibly happy for her.

Joanna is my coworker and we have been working together for the last 7 years. She is one of my closest friends and I was so honored when she asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding. I also know her fiancé as he also works with us and is a friend of mine. Most of the other bridesmaids (including MOH) are Joanna's college friends and they have all been nice to me.

They planned a nice weekend bachelorette party for her last weekend. We rented a Airbnb and the plan was to hang out, drink and play games all night. There were around ten girls and all of them were the same age as me. We reached there in the morning and spent the day by the pool. In the evening, the plan was to dress classy in cocktail dresses and hang out.

Things were going well, and we were playing the normal bachelorette party games and having fun. Around 10pm, there was a knock on the door and the MOH made us all be quite for a surprise. She had hired two male str*ppers for the bachelorette party. I am married and I was shocked as no one mentioned this was the plan.

I was uncomfortable, but decided not to cause a scene as others were screaming and happy. However, as soon as they started dancing, the str*ppers started calling out to some girls and the girls were getting very handsy with them. At this point, I excused myself that I needed water and went to the pool area. I was uncomfortable at this point and called my husband.

I told him what was going on and he told me that he trusts me and not to do something I am uncomfortable with just because of peer pressure. I told him to stay on the phone and talk to me. After around 15 minutes, three more girls also came out where I was sitting and sat next to me. They were also uncomfortable with the turn of events.

I told them I was talking to my husband, and they also took the opportunity to call their partners or text them. They told me that they were also not told about the str*ppers and the MOH took the liberty to arrange that as a surprise for everyone. After a while, the noise from inside started going down, and we thought the str*ppers had left.

We went inside to check and there was a bunch of NSFW stuff going on. I was shocked to see that Joanna was with one of the guys. I screamed in disbelief and that startled her. I just got out of the room and the me and the other three girls went for a drive. We returned after an hour around midnight. The guys had left, and all the girls were sitting around as if they had seen a ghost.

After we left, it seemed like Joanna suddenly had an anxiety attack. She started crying and they kicked out all the str*ppers. She wanted to talk to her fiancé, but the girls calmed her down and kept her from calling him and telling him what happened. Her friends then took Joanna to the bedroom and the MOH told us that it was rude for us to leave in the middle of the party.

She looked at me and said, "You had to be the center of everything. This was Joanna's night and you ruined it." I was too shocked to say anything and just decided to call it a night and went to sleep. The drive back was awkward to say the least. The three girls who followed me outside decided to carpool with me, and I didn't have to talk to the MOH or Joanna the next day.

On Monday, Joanna skipped work and called me in the evening. She said that the other bridesmaids do not feel comfortable with me being in the wedding party and if its ok with me. She also told me that she hopes I follow the girl code and not talk about what happened over the weekend. She said that she was drunk, had no idea what was planned and just went with the flow.

That evening, the MOH sent me a threatening message that I ruined a perfect weekend for Joanna and should not talk about what happened to anyone. I have already told my husband and he said that I should just step away from the drama. He also offered to go on a vacation during the wedding weekend and skip the wedding as Joanna may not want me to be there.

I feel so bad for what happened over the weekend. Joanna has been actively avoiding me since Monday. I was so happy for her, but I just cannot unsee what I saw over the weekend. I also know how much Joanna adores her fiancé, and it must be just a lapse of judgement for her in that moment. I do not know how I should have acted, but the male str*ppers just crossed my line.

Am I the AH to ruin Joanna's bachelorette party and was there any other way I would have acted in this situation? The guilt is just killing me, and I don't know what I should do now.

The internet had OP's back all the way.

GroundbreakingTwo201 wrote:

You need to make her tell her fiance, or do it yourself if she won't. All of you are getting manipulated by the MOH right now. Please demonstrate some decency and character; do the right thing.

OP responded:

As I said before, I am soo torn on what to do. Some of the girls who stayed back in the room are married and have kids. My one confession could destroy a lot of lives. I know whats the right thing to do on paper, but I do not want to do something I regret later. My husband has been constantly talking to me and trying to help me with my anxiety.

Bella_Rose36 wrote:

Did you decide what to do? I would feel uncomfortable working with Joanna and her fiancé after what transpired. I hope you're doing okay.

OP responded:

I have not told the fiancé yet, However, I talked to him today and he was asking me why I stepped down from being a bridesmaid. I told him he should ask Joanna about it as I don't want to talk about it. I feel so bad too, and I see him everyday at work. It's such a f#$ked up situation and my husband is trying to calm me down and think through the consequences before I take any step.

jeff42000 wrote:

You see this dude everyday?! WTF why wouldn't you tell him?

Edit: Why doesn't anyone care about the fiance?

xanif wrote:

"I also know how much Joanna adores her fiancé, and it must be just a lapse of judgement for her in that moment."

I'm getting married in October. If a single str*pper shows up at my bachelor party, I'm walking out the door and every single person who was complicit in hiring them will be removed from my wedding party. I don't care if that means I'm up there alone.

Considering that I have told my best matron this and one of my groomsmen stalks my reddit profile, this will not be news to anyone.

Cheating with str*ppers is never a "lapse in judgement."

Roughly a week later, OP shared an update.

I wrote a post last week regarding my friend Joanna's bachelorette party going south after her MOH decided to surprise everyone by inviting male strippers and the bride decided to have fun. I had left the room immediately with a few other girls and was uncomfortable with this. I had asked for advice on how to proceed since the guilt of witnessing the events and not telling the fiancé was k(lling me.

I wanted to give the update since a lot of people are messaging me to tell the finance. The bachelorette party happened two weekends ago. Last week was super awkward. Joanna asked me on Monday if it's okay if I step down from being a bridesmaid. I agreed and my husband also suggested we skip the wedding altogether and was supportive of me.

I did not tell the groom (Jason), but he came to me on Thursday and asked me why I stepped down from being a bridesmaid. I told him I do not want to discuss the issue and Joanna knew the reason. I did not want to lie to him, but also did not have the courage to tell him the truth. On Sunday morning, Joanna called me and asked me if she and Jason could come to our house as Jason wanted to talk to me.

She sounded like she was crying on the other side. I said OK and told her to come in some time since my husband and I were at the gym. Jason and Joanna both came together, and we invited them to come in. Jason was stone-faced and it took a few minutes before anyone said a word. Jason looked at me and told me that he considered me his friend and wanted to know exactly what happened that night.

I told him the whole story about how we had a nice weekend, until the str*ppers came. I told him that I left the room after some girls started dancing with them as I did not feel comfortable. My husband was also backing up my story as I was on call with him the whole time after that.

I told him how me and the other girls went in after 30 minutes and saw one of Joanna's friends (married) was giving one of the str*ppers a bl*wjob. Joanna was also dancing with one of the str*ppers (he was completely naked at this point) and I was very shocked and screamed Joanna's name.

I lied slightly, because from my point of view, I could see the str*pper's back and Joanna was sitting in front of him and something might be going on. However, I was not sure and did not tell Jason about it. I told him I left after that and came back to Joanna crying and wanting to call Jason.

Joanna started talking at this point and told Jason that she was also surprised to see the str*ppers and did not want to spoil the party. It was the MOH's idea, and the other three friends (all married) had paid for them. That was the reason none of the others knew about it as it never showed up in the expenses we were tracking.

Joanna thought they were just str*ppers and not s*x workers and got carried away and did not stop them. When I screamed, Joanna suddenly realized how wrong everything was. I left and Joanna realized how bad the situation looked. She wanted to call Jason immediately to let him know what happened, but her friends stopped her from doing that because they were worried their husbands would find out.

Joanna was begging Jason to trust her, and she did not kiss or do anything inappropriate with the str*ppers.

Jason was really upset, but he asked me if Joanna really was crying and tried to call him. I confirmed it as the other girls had told that to me. Jason hugged Joanna and told her that he trusts her and loves her. However, she must cut the MOH and other three friends as they invited s*x workers for the bachelorette party.

He was also adamant that Joanna told her friends' husbands regarding the incident, but Joanna was very reluctant to do that. Joanna said she would stop hanging out with those girls and came and hugged me. She was very apologetic, and I could see from her eyes how relieved she was. She apologized to me for putting me in that situation.

Overall, she dodged a huge b*llet. I really hope I did the right thing and Joanna will never do something stupid like this in future. From what I understand, one of the other girls (who came out with me) told Jason about the incident after he got suspected, and he confronted Joanna. I again wanted to thank everyone for their suggestions, and they helped me think through the whole situation.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ThePhinalFilter wrote:

"I lied slightly, because from my point of view, I could see the str*pper's back and Joanna was sitting in front of him and something might be going on."

Jason really shouldn't consider you a friend. I mean with friends like you who needs enemies you are willfully covering up probable cheating for someone who kicked you out of her wedding party.

MixFun9083 wrote:

YTA. You omitted a key part and BECAUSE OF YOU Jason believes that Joanna is some kind of Saint.

Edit: To add he is now going to marry Joanna because you have essentially VOUCHED FOR HER. Women like Joanna cheat on their S/Os. Sooner or later she will go out, have a little too much drink and cheat on Jason. That would also be your fault because you FAILED TO BE HONEST. You have no obligation to have Joanna's back.

NatureCarolynGate wrote:

OP, if your husband was f&*king a stripper at his bachelor party wouldn't you want to know so you could make an informed decision before marrying him? It sounds like you lied for Johanna. When Jason finds out the truth and knows you lied for her, he will hate you forever, and you will deserve it.

It is also far more expensive to get a divorce than to get married. You have also set him up for financial ruin by letting him marry her without knowing she cheated. You are not a good friend and his soon to be ex-wife is a s**t partner.

HilMickaelson wrote:

Your friend doesn't want to tell her friend's husband what his wife was doing, because she knows that will backfire when the friend reveals that Joanna had sex with the stripper. Joanna's husband-to-be should talk to everyone present at the bachelorette party before making the mistake of marrying her. He also needs to get an $TD panel done ASAP.

If you're close to him, suggest that he speak with the other bridesmaids to get the full picture of what happened that night. Additionally, advise him to undergo an $TD panel just in case. If Joanna suddenly appears pregnant, he should consider doing a DNA test.

This still seems kind messy, to say the least.

Sources: Reddit
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