'AITA for staying in bed while my boyfriend’s family surprise visits? He is mad at me.'
"AITA for staying in bed while my boyfriend’s family surprise visits?"
My boyfriend and I were relaxing at home after a long day. It was 10pm and I was already in bed for a migraine. It’s been a tough week for me because of D and C procedure I had after a very painful pregnancy and miscarriage. My husband was also about to go to bed since he worked all day and was tired too.
He gets a surprise call from his mother who said she was on her way to the house to give us something and she’s with her sister. My boyfriend became upset. He told her that it wasn’t a good time as we are already in bed. It’s not out of character for her to just do things so randomly and spur of the moment. She’s not a planner and always sucks people into her chaos.
He’s frustrated because he knows I’m tired and not feeling well. He said, "well I really want you to meet my one aunt." I said yeah I would like to meet her too but I don’t feel good and it’s not my fault they decided to come.
So he gets upset and I assume it’s over his mom and I try to calm him down by asking him to just entertain her for a little while but to please keep the noise down and not smoke inside the house as it will just make my headache worse. He then flips on me somewhere and I’m the bad guy for not even saying hi.
So they come and they are loud. The garage doors are going. The dog is going. I can’t sleep and I’m getting really angry. I called my BF when they were all in the basement under our bedroom and I said I appreciated her bringing us stuff but it’s really late and I need to sleep.
Then this morning he’s ignoring me and when I ask what’s wrong he’s telling me I’m rude for not even saying hi to them when they came. I think it was rude of them to show up so announced and to disregard how I’m feeling after what I just been through. AITA for not saying hello?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
capmanor1755 wrote:
Lord have mercy NTA. Let this thread ripen up and tell him you're moving back to your parents for the month unless he:
Reads the thread and comes prepared to discuss.
Agrees to getting help saying no to his mom. If he couldn't say no in that circumstance then his current skill set isn't enough. If he needs to see a therapist for a couple sessions, great- the therapy apps aren't bad for that kind of specific script help.
Agrees to communicate some new house rules to her, regardless of the ad hoc asks. No visits after 9pm. No unscheduled visits if EITHER of you are sick (and that includes migraines and post medical procedures.)
marigoldilocks wrote:
NTA. I don’t think that folks understand that migraines aren’t just a bad headache. They’re a complete neurological event. I was out from work this past week with a three day long migraine and then postdrome headache on my first day off. I used sick days because between the visual distortion, the nausea, the vomiting, and the sheer debilitating pain, I couldn’t focus on a computer screen.
I went to bed at weird hours, slept, didn’t sleep, and was generally miserable - despite being on two daily migraine meds, having a migraine abortive, and prescription pain meds. It’s not, “Oh my head hurts,” it’s “I can’t function and my speech may not come out right because my brain physically hurts and I can’t think.”
It’s not like you claimed a sudden headache because you weren’t in the mood for sex and just didn’t want to explain that you weren’t feeling it. You had a migraine and needed to be in a dark, quiet place so your body could recuperate and hopefully be functioning the next day. Being well and able to go to work and be a contributing member of your team > meeting his aunt at 10pm.
OP responded:
That’s the thing…I felt dizzy when I would get up. It physically hurt me to get out of bed. I had the procedure on top of still working full time and doing everything in the house always. My body just needs to heal.
MayFaireMoon wrote:
You had a MISCARRIAGE. F#$k absolutely everyone else in this situation. You f#$king LOST A BABY. I don’t care if his mother’s the G-d damned Pope— your partner should be there with you, backing you up, and keeping out whoever you want kept out. I’m so angry for you.
ConfidentHighlight18 wrote:
So he’s mad at you because you had migraine, you’re recovering from a truly emotional & jarring surgery, which I’ve had & can relate that it’s not a simple surgery, & the fact that you wouldn’t make yourself get up to go say hi & more than likely have to host them???
WTH 🤦♀️ You have a bf problem.
ScarletNotThatOne wrote:
NTA and you have a bf problem. First of all, he should have protected you from all this. Secondly, ignoring you and criticizing you is so counterproductive and out of line. If this is how he's going to be, do not have a child with him! Do not get married to him! He does not have your back. He will sacrifice your well-being to the whims of his mother.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
You're NTA. It's rude AF to tell anyone that you are coming over without asking if it's okay.
It's major A-H orbit to do that at 10 pm. Your bf needs to grow a...spine and learn to tell his mommy no.
TemptingPenguin369 wrote:
NTA. Your bf/husband (you called him both) prioritized his mother and aunt over you and your health. Showing up without being invited at 10PM is rude AF and not only did your dude let them come, but he wants you to get out of bed to meet someone and the flips out at you when you don't want to, then they stay and make noise while you're feeling like crap. You really need to solve your dude problem.