"AITA for 'stealing' the guy my sister likes?"
Okay so this is what’s going on in my oh so lovely life. I (24f) recently started dating my childhood friend Mark (26m). We’ve been dating for about 4 months now but only recently told our families about our relationship.
Amy (Mark’s mother) and my mom were also childhood friends and have remained very close. Due to their close friendship me and my siblings also became close to Mark and his twin sister when we moved close to them when I was 8.
My sister Mia (26f) was always closer to Jess (Marks’s twin sister) growing up. They ended up having a lot more in common while me and Mark bonded over our shared passion for Mario cart and books. (Not to brag but I’m better than he is at Rainbow road!)
When he got to high school things did change a bit and we weren’t constantly hanging out with each other since we were in different schools but we still went to see movies occasionally or if the fair was in town I’d join him and his high school friends.
Mia and Jess would sometimes join us but they weren’t all that interested in most of things we did. Like a few times we went camping,both of them went with us once and never joined us again deciding it wasn’t for them. Which perfectly fine camping isn’t for everyone.
When Mark turned 18 he decided he wanted to join the Coast Guard. We wrote, called and messaged each other constantly while he was serving. He just finished his 8 year contract and is thinking about going another 4 years.
When he came home he invited me to check out a new bakery that his mom mentioned to him. I have huge sweet tooth and couldn’t say no to spending time with him or miss the chance to stuff my face with pastries so of course I said yes.
As I’m stuffing my face with said pastries he blurts out that he likes me and wanted to know if I was interested in a relationship with him. I said yes after choking on my pastry and him apologizing for not waiting for me to swallow first lol.
Anyway, here’s where things get interesting. Amy had invited me and my family for a Sunday dinner at her house and me and Mark both decided that it was the perfect time to announce are relationship to our families since everyone would be in one place.
We did it after everyone was done eating but still sitting at the table talking. My mom and Amy were thrilled by the news. Amy gave me a big hug and asked when it started before saying she was happy for us.
Later on Mia cornered me in the kitchen when I went to get a drink. She started berating me for taking the guy she liked. I was incredibly confused because she never mentioned liking anyone to me let alone Mark. I didn’t even know she even talked to him.
I told her this but she was adamant that I knew and I did it on purpose. We ended up getting into a heated argument and she stormed out. After she stormed out my mom asked what happened and when I told her she asked if I knew Mia liked Mark. I said no and my mom said she didn’t either.
I asked Jess if she knew since she’s Mia’s best friend and Jess said she had no clue and Mark was confused because he hasn’t really talked to her since he left for the coast guard. He said she sends him Holliday texts like Happy New years and Christmas but that’s it.
Mia is now refusing to talk to me and a few of our mutual friends say that I’m an AH for not knowing when I’m her sister. I don’t think I’m the AH but now I’m just wondering if I might be. So AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
I haven’t read your post, the details aren’t important. You didn’t steal the guy from your sister. He liked you, not her. He was never her’s for you to steal.
LET MARK OUT OF THE BASEMENT, BRENDA!
Just kidding! That would be stealing, what you did isn't. He's not an action figure, he's a person. NTA.
NTA. She didn’t call dibs, and she had over a decade to do so, even if she wasn’t going to make a move herself on him. Now whether or not dibs is valid is another discussion, but you have to at least indicate interest, or how is anyone to know?
NTA. Sis never made her interest known and your relationship has grown with him, while she never bothered to start one.
If your sister had said that she liked him then it would give her cause to be salty about it. She didn't say anything, you and Mike have had a close friendship for many years which didn't include either of your sisters and it was kind of a natural progression. NTA.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Oh my god I might just strangle my sister! If it was legal I definitely would. My mom just called me sobbing about how Mia is now refusing to talk to her or our step father and is also no longer coming to our younger brother’s birthday party because she feels betrayed that they’re siding with me. I’m incredibly pissed off at her at the moment but here’s what my mother said happened.
Mia had called to ask about our younger brother Mike’s birthday party next weekend. He’s turning 11 and is super excited for his birthday party because my parents and I told him if got at least a B average for a whole year we’d take him and 5 of his closest friends to Daven Busters for his birthday.
Needless to say he kept his end of the deal so we’re keeping our end. Apparently Mia was wondering if me and Mark would be there as well. Which is a stupid question seeing as I’m helping to pay for it and Mike adores Mark. (Yes she already knows this.)
Our mom said yes of course we’d be there. Mia then began pleading with her to ask me to stay home because she didn’t feel comfortable being around me because she still felt betrayed or whatever.
Our mom said no she wouldn’t be asking me to stay home because not only did I help pay for the party but this is Mike’s party and he wanted both of us there. Mia then apparently began screaming at her over the phone for choosing me over even though I hurt her and that she felt betrayed.
Our step father tried to intervene because our mother had started crying but Mia just began screaming at him before saying she was no longer coming to the party and hanging up. Mia is now refusing to answer either of them. So AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
Still NTA—Your sister sounds like an absolute lunatic.
...Can't imagine why Mark wouldn't be interested in Mia, after reading this...
Can you even IMAGINE being in OP's shoes, and just sort of having to deal with that lunacy? What do you even DO? I mean, I know everyone told her to not let it get her down, but how could you not? It's your sister, you've been together for over two decades of life.
Yes, she's a nut, and OP shouldn't let it affect her relationship with Mark, but at the same time, she will HAVE to deal with this one way or the other (even if it's to get Mia some therapy), and the BEST case scenario is that the sister gets over it, but they'll all remember this nonsense. You can't just forget something like this.
Good grief. The balls on Mia assuming her sister is psychic and just should have known.
Then throwing a temper tantrum over a birthday party she isn't even paying for? Get outta here.
The whole concept of “stealing” someone implies that they a) have no agency whatsoever, b) cannot be held accountable for their own romantic decisions, and c) are an exchangeable object that can be owned, rather than a human being with their own mind and desires.
Like girl, that’s not how relationships work! Then again, I guess it’s easier for some ppl to find someone to blame. Saves them the trouble of admitting that the person they liked… just didn’t like them 🤷♀️