"AITA for suggesting my SO rehome their dog?"
I (29) have been dating my SO (28) for about 11 months now and we are at the point where we are talking about moving in together. We live about an hour apart, I have my own apartment and an established office job while they work from home and rent a room where they live, and we alternate weekends seeing each other.
We agreed it makes sense for them to move closer to me given the situation, but they have a 75lb Husky that’s proving to be a bit of a hiccup in the plans. Let me start off by saying in no way shape or form do I blame the dog. Inherently it’s not a bad dog but it’s just…a lot.
It’s got the typical Husky issues like very vocal, sheds EVERYWHERE, consistently panting, etc. On top of that it’s got separation anxiety and is destructive to my partner's room when they leave for periods of time longer than an hour. We can’t be in a section of the house without it being present, or it will start howling and scratching at the door/carpet.
If we are leaving for a couple of hours for dinner or something they have to give it anxiety medication or the place will be destroyed and even then sometimes that doesn’t work completely. Luckily their roommate watches it when it’s their turn to come and visit me, but they have to pay them and that adds up.
We don’t really have the funds for training the dog. On top of this, my apartment only allows animals of 25lbs or less. I’m sure this could be worked around by making it a therapy dog but I’m not sure I want to subject my neighbors to the dog howling all the time.
We could just move in to a different place together but my place is affordable and would be good to see how we actually do living together to further our relationship. The dog is only 4 years old, so I feel like it could adjust to being rehoused fairly well and I’m sure there are plenty of families that would be a better fit.
But when I brought up the possibility of rehoming the dog to my partner it completely destroyed them as they have had it since before they met me and they feel as if it would be betraying the dog to “give up on it."
I really love my SO and want to take the next step with them but I feel like this may be a “make or break” situation because since bringing it up there is a noticeable tension between us and I feel guilty.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ScarletNotThatOne said:
NAH but this could be a dealbreaker.
artificialdisasters said:
YTA. you’re not compatible. also if you told me to rehome my dog — that you KNEW i had prior to us getting serious and then discussing moving in — that’s an insta break up
SoccerProblem3547 said:
YTA. You are always the asshole for trying to get an SO to rehome a pet they had before you even met. Suggest dog training, not let’s get rid of the dog. If the dog is a dealbreaker for you then fine, break up. But you do not suggest that they give away their animal they had before you even met.
rapunzchelle said:
YTA if you insist on this. If it's a deal breaker for you that's okay but you don't get to decide they need to rehome the dog. I say this as someone who is very allergic to a lot of animals and may never live with a dog or cat again.
The SO and the dog are a package deal. That being said, if you can figure out how to financially make training or a doggy day care work, I don't think you would be TA for pushing for something like that.
corvus_corone_corone said:
YTA. Your SO is one as well for not training the dog properly, separation anxiety is also very tough on the poor dog! With true separation anxiety they howl and destroy stuff because they are in a deadly panic, not because they are bored or want to cause trouble. They need help! But never ever ask anyone to get rid of their pet that was there before you., that puts you solidly in AH territory.
Alternative-Dig-2066 said:
YTA. If you want to live together, you need to find a more suitable home. The only part where she’s a little bit ah? She needs to crate train the dog so you can safely leave the house without destruction occurring.