'AITA for suggesting my teacher host my son's party at her house?'
"AITA for suggesting my teacher host my son's party at her house?"
My son "Sam" had his ninth birthday today, but we're having the actual "party" tomorrow night, which is basically just a sleepover at our apartment with two friends. One is in his class and the other in a different one (same school though).
Before my son even got home from the bus, I got a call from his teacher "Lorna" requesting that the party involve all the students in the class. She learned about it because it came up as the class wished him a happy birthday.
I at first politely refused, saying that's not reasonable, but she insisted to make sure nobody was left out. I respond by saying that she has no say in who is at my home ever and that even if she did, my apartment simply cannot accommodate 32 kids and guardians. She says that because other students are involved, she does and that I should have the party somewhere that can allow all students.
I was ready to either hang up or tell her off, but what she said at the end sparked an idea. I tell her "Okay, what's your address?" and when she asks why, I told that since you think you have a say and you want all your students to be a part, we might as well have the party have her house, and request her address again.
There's a pause before she says that's not exactly what she meant and I tell her that no, she wants everyone to attend so she should be the one to make it work, before hanging up. This is where I probably became the ahole.
Out of curiosity I easily found her address (her SM is not private at all) and email her "how does this email sound?" with an excerpt to the group email chain saying that Lorna has offered to host Sam's birthday party at her home and to come after school to X address.
I was NOT planning on actually sending that to anyone else but her, I just wanted to prove the point and felt I was being sarcastic, but I know tone is hard online. She responded to not send it and to do whatever I want for the birthday, she does not care anymore.
When I vented to my husband about it he called me unhinged but he agreed with my point. I'll admit, I have a bit of a habit going overboard when I feel wronged and probably went nuts, but I can't believe the audacity of this lady. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
applebum8807 said:
ESH. Stopping the teacher’s power play by throwing her logic at her? Genius! But then you had to be creepy about it towards the end. Public or not, that was weird and your email could have been interpreted as thinly veiled “I know where you live” threat. I agree with your SO, great argument, but you definitely went overboard.
firewifegirlmom0124 said:
ESH. It’s one thing if the whole class was invited and just one of 2 kids were excluded. But in this case it’s just a sleepover with 2 friends. That was any basic weekend when I was a kid. But you doubled down and made it creepy by finding her address.
sitvisvobiscum001 said:
ESH, you had me applauding up until you mentioned finding her address. She could construe that as a threat and take up the administrative chain, resulting in your son being removed from her class or possibly even local authorities getting involved.
AVeryBrownGirlNerd said:
ESH. It is wrong of the teacher to push you to throw a party (it's not like the son passed out invitations infront of others) to make sure no one is left out. However, you searching their personal information is creepy and intrusive _ very unhinged behavior.
Yes, I agree the audacity, but since you admitted this is a habit of yours, I would consider looking into other methods because this can land you into hot water, if it hasn't already.
GinAndCynic said:
YTA. She was out of line, but do you know how unsafe you probably made her feel by searching her address and sending it to her? Don’t surprised when you hear from school administrators because you decided to go off the deep end. While you may not have meant it as a threat, it could very well be taken as one. BEYOND unhinged.
B3Gay_DoCr1mes said:
ESH. The teacher was presumptuous and overstepped. However, you won when she hung up. Your follow up went into creepy stalker, order of protection against you level territory. In the future, I would check your impulses with your husband, he at least seems rational.
blueeyedwolff said:
YTA here. You would have been fine telling her no... But you went looking for her address and put it in that in the email. That sounds EXTREMELY unhinged and honestly, a bit stalker-ish. I would be scared to death of you if I were her. Next time, talk to the principal, but you went nuclear on this. Yikes!!! I wouldn't want to teach your kid if I were her.