'AITA for taking a DNA test to prove my brother is a father?' UPDATED 3X

"WIBTA for taking a DNA test to prove my brother is a father?"

Here’s the original post:

I (25f) haven’t had a great relationship with my family since moving out, cliche bullsh!t, brother (30) was the golden child, I was a scapegoat, etc. etc. anyway, that made it for a rough relationship with them and have really spoken to them for 6-7 years.

Well a few weeks ago I was contacted though Facebook by a woman who claimed to be pregnant with my brothers child, the problem is he is refusing to claim said child and wants nothing to do with the mother.

She told me he has completely ghosted her and blocked her on everything, and apparently my mother has been quite hostile when she has stopped by to try and talk to him, and has threatened to call the police for trespassing if she comes around again. So she tells me this and asks if I’d be willing to do a DNA test after the baby is born so that she can take my brother to court.

I told my husband about this in front of some of our friends and one of them piped up and said I shouldn’t get involved with something that has nothing to do with me and that it’d be spiteful to do that to my brother, my husband kind of agreed and said I shouldn’t get involved with my family again.

I’m honestly not sure, on one hand I don’t want to have any of my family contact me after doing the test, but on the other hand I wouldn’t want that to happen to me, my brother lives rent free and makes more than enough to buy a house, he should have to take responsibility for a child he helped create.

The baby is due in a few months so I have time to decide what I want to do, I’m leaning towards doing the test, but WIBTA?

What do you think? Would she be wrong to do the DNA test? This is what top commenters had to say:

PNWPainter02 said:

NTA. Do it. If this child is your brothers it deserves the child support and the benefits it is entitled to. Alternately, it allows the mother the opportunity to ask him to revoke his parental rights so that he has no claim over it later in life. Clearly your brother is aware of this woman, and is simply trying to avoid responsibility.

If you aren’t in communication with your family, it’s not like this will make that relationship worse (will it?) You can set your own boundaries with this woman regarding your own relationship with her and the child, and make it clear how much you want or don’t want to get to know them-

I would think ahead and potentially consult a lawyer to see if participating puts you at risk (if you’re in the States you can get sued for pretty much anything, so might as well make sure you’re protecting yourself).

Sea-Mud5386 said:

NTA your brother has (likely) fathered a child he's dumped off entirely on the woman he has abandoned. She has a legal claim--and can probably force a test of HIM if he refuses to respond. You're just smoothing the road and not letting him jerk her around more.

If your husband is worried that this puts you back in the orbit of your abusers, that's one thing, but if he's sympathetic to irresponsible men like your brother, that's a different problem to find out about now.

pittsburgpam said:

No judgement but what is her motive for doing this? She doesn't need any tests beforehand to go to court to prove he is the father. The court will order that a test be done if she sues for child support. You don't need to get in the middle of this.

[deleted] said:

This is reallllllllly hard, but ultimately I would not trust this woman to not be a cop or someone with an another motive to obtain DNA. Do you know for a fact that she is pregnant? Also, isn't there some sort of legal procedure she can go through to force a paternity test? If so, she should. I don't know this is sketch af, but I would not want to be involved at all if I were in your shoes.

PurpleMarsAlien said:

NTA. But you shouldn't have to take a DNA test here anyhow. The mother-to-be files with the court against your brother after the baby is born, and the court orders him to do DNA testing. She doesn't need to already know that he's the father to file. If he's not the father, the end result is typically that she ends up out of pocket for the cost of court-ordered DNA test.

Verdict: Most commenters agreed she’s NTA for wanting to do the DNA test, but many also urged her to stay out of this mess. So, did she listen?

She later shared this series of updates:

UPDATE/EXPLANATION:

The most common response and question I’ve gotten to this post is why doesn’t she just petition the court to get a paternity test? I live in a not so well off area and this exact scenario happens all the time here, the lawyers she’d be able to get have hundreds of these cases and it will take years for her to have her day in court.

She wants to have some shred of evidence to prove that my brother could be the father so that it’s more likely a good lawyer will take a look at her case, or that my family will see that he is the father and come to some type of arrangement with her.

SECOND UPDATE:

My birthgiver decided to try and threaten me last night, somehow she found out that, let’s call her Eve (not her real name), contacted me to ask about DNA and let’s just say that BG was not happy.

She sent me an anonymous message about how horrible of a child I am for even thinking about siding with Eve, and that I should be thinking about how terrible it is for my brother to “be accused” like this, and how she will sue both of us for defamation, and just an all around mess of insane choppy texts that vary from accusing to guilt tripping.

I am not replying but I am keeping records for court, and I’ll probably get a new number, but that’s what I’m dealing with at the moment, I will update as things progress.

THIRD UPDATE:

So sorry to leave everyone hanging, I’ve been dealing with a bunch of bs. So the biggest update, my little niece was born in August 2022, she is absolutely beautiful, she is my niece and my brother is 100% the father. So now, unfortunately, I’m dealing with a bunch of bs with my family, my birth giver is trying to say she will take Eve to court to sue for custody.

I will laugh in her face on that day because we have kept all of the threatening messages and voicemails towards Eve and myself, we have also spoken to a good lawyer who told us we have nothing to worry about, we just shouldn’t reply as she just keeps digging herself into a deeper hole.

As for my brother, he’s completely ghosted everyone and everything, my birth giver apparently sent him on a vacation after everything went down, he started getting a ton of hate from the rest of our family for being a deadbeat. I will update once the custody issue is cleared.