'AITA for taking an Uber home instead of sitting on a man’s lap in my friend's car?'
"AITA for taking an Uber home instead of sitting on a man’s lap?"
So my best friend (Sarah, F22) recently got a new boyfriend (James, M23) and she is over the moon into him. Sarah is one of the very few people I hangout with.
She recently just met James’ friend group, a group of guys, and they invited her to go on a beach trip with them. Sarah begged me to go with and kept insisting I join even when I declined the offer about 4 times. Eventually, I just agreed to go to get her off my back about being sad and alone.
I was told that I would have a ride. Sarah and I were the last to be picked up, and when they pull up, there are four guys in a five passenger car. I see this as my way out. I say, “Oh! Looks like there isn’t enough room for both of us. You can go enjoy the beach with your boyfriend, I don’t mind staying behind.”
Sarah tells me that it isn’t a big deal if she has to sit on James’ lap to make it work. Immediately I feel on edge. Turns out, James was the one driving and said he wouldn’t trust anyone else to drive his car. He told me that I would be the one sitting on someone’s lap because there’s no way that he would let Sarah do that.
I don’t know these guys at all. I pull Sarah aside and tell her that I'm uncomfortable, thinking that she would help me out. Instead she encourages me, saying that she thinks I would have fun and maybe even get a date. She is so into James and has been talking about this trip nonstop for over a week, so I decided to just do it to make her happy.
Two of the three guys in the back (Sarah sits up front next to James) offer up their laps. I just pick the guy with the most leg room. We live about 45 minutes from the nearest beach so I thought it wouldn’t be too bad, except that I was told ON THE DRIVE that we were actually going to a beach an hour and a half away instead. My mood just becomes more and more sour.
I never once relax, and eventually find myself quietly fuming once my emotions set in. The boys that I am squeezed into the back with just talk around me, physically leaning over me constantly, brushing up against me. Once we get to the beach, we set up and I finally find a moment to relax. I eat a sandwich I packed and read a book while Sarah and James are lovey-dovey and the guys mess around in the ocean.
I was asked TWICE about why I only packed a sandwich for myself. Not jokingly either. Not once had I been asked to bring a single thing. When it came to the part where everyone was getting in the car, I just told James and Sarah that I had called an Uber to pick me up because I didn’t want to sit on anyone’s lap for another hour and a half. Sarah tried to argue, but my ride showed up, so I left.
I got a call from Sarah a few hours later. She called me a bad friend for ditching everyone. When I told her how the whole day was making me feel sh#$ty, she told me I was being selfish and that I had been acting like a bi#$%h all day. I do not think I deserve that, but I am also pretty paranoid that I did something wrong. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
-DoctorSpaceman- wrote:
NTA, I wouldn’t do that regardless of who I know in the car or our genders in case the car crashes.
That said, if you weren’t against the lap sitting idea in general, why didn’t you suggest sitting on Sarah’s lap or vice versa?
OP responded:
Sarah is a very petite girl so I suggested that she sit on my lap, which she was against because she wanted me to “get out there."
Frosty_Emotion1431 wrote:
NTA. Sarah is not your friend. She is selfish and pressured you into a dangerous situation. Outside of your discomfort because you are on some rando's lap, think about what would have happened in the event of an accident.
Please trust your instincts next time and spend less time worrying about someone’s feelings. In your effort to not rock the boat you put yourself in a really bad situation. You have to learn to protect yourself when others don’t and cut out friendships with selfish people who don’t care for you as much as you care for them.
Nester1953 wrote:
A woman who coerces you to sit on a strange man's lap in an enclosed space, in a moving car, surrounded by other men you don't know, with no escape, for an hour and a half, and then treats you badly and calls you names because you refuse to do the same thing on the way back is not a friend. Dump her. Virtually anyone on a street corner would be a better,, safer friend than that! NTA!
Starbeets wrote:
NTA. Sarah is a toxic mess. She couldn't care less about how you felt, what you experienced, and how you were treated. She just wanted you there as an accessory, something to make her experience better (why? to show she has a friend?
So she'd feel less awkward? For safety? who knows, who cares). She is not a friend, she's actually a liability. At 22 she's way too old to be acting this way. Distance yourself, find better friends.
Dismal-manner-8405 wrote:
No girl, I would have left the moment I figured out I would have to sit on someone's lap, this was definitely planned and very creepy not a good way to win over a girl. Please don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision no means no and that applies to every situation.
You don't have to force yourself into doing something that you don't want to do and is clearly making you uncomfortable. I would also distance my self from that friend because ik how girls can start acting over a man and it's clear she and his friends don't respect your boundaries.