'AITA for taking in my ex's dogs but not my homeless ex wife?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for taking in my ex's dogs but not my homeless ex?"

My wife left me and our kids a couple of years ago. She wanted a different life than what we had. She bought a converted van and tried to become a "vanlife" influencer. She got some followers but not as many as it takes to be able to live off of it I guess. She is in the city right now and her van needs repairs. We are in the middle of a heat wave and she needs a place to stay for a week or two.

This is only the second time in two years she has bothered to see our kids. I have done my best to make sure that they know that even though their mom is gone it isn't because she doesn't love them. I said she was working far away. Even after the divorce I made sure she could have all the visitation she wanted.

She doesn't want to stay with her parents because they are very critical of her choice to leave. She doesn't want to stay at a hotel because it will be a dent in her budget. I don't want her in my house because I don't want the kids to freak out when she leaves again. It's best if they see her in a neutral location.

I volunteered to take her dogs so she could stay at a hostel. She said I was an AH for not letting her stay in a house she helped pay for. I bought out her equity when we divorced. It wasn't that much.

My parents said I should have let her stay. The woman I'm seeing said that she would have understood if I let her stay.

I just know what it would do to my kids.

Edit: Please stop messaging me for information on my ex. I have not say more than I have. I don't want anyone messing with her livelihood. I won't tell you what her handle is or what kind of dogs she has. I have a good life without her and my kids are doing okay. Thank you all for your concern.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

vt2022cam wrote:

NTA you’re being the best parent you can. She’s abandoned her children and has no right to impose on them and you. She’s not there to see them, she needs a cheap place to crash. It might be traumatic for your kids to have her leave again and that just isn’t worth it, for you or for them.

You bought her out and she’s used that equity to pursue her new life. She doesn’t want to stay with her critical parents, too bad. Dent her budget, then where’s the child support? Ask your mother to speak to your ex in laws or your mother can offer to host her.

mencryforme5 wrote:

Well we'll well if it isn't the consequences of her own actions knocking at her door.

For some reason, I have exactly zero sympathy for wannabe influencers grifters. NTA.

neoncactusfields wrote:

"I don't want the kids to freak out when she leaves again. It's best if they see her in a neutral location."

NTA - she essentially has abandoned her children. Of course you don't want to completely upheave their lives by allowing this uncertainty of their Mom "maybe" coming back home.

She has no right to stay in YOUR home, but she's trying to manipulate you with a guilt trip that she helped pay for it (while conveniently forgetting you bought her out). She doesn't sound apologetic or like she has grown too much as a person, and you are being prudent to draw firm boundaries with her.

Em-Tashian wrote:

NTA.

Your wife may need a place to stay but she doesn't "need" your place to stay.

Her parents are available, but she doesn't want to stay with them.

She can afford a hotel, but she doesn't want to pay for a hotel. I don't know how old your kids are, and that's probably relevant INFO. But as it is, you don't seem to be withholding from your kids' mother anything she actually 'needs'. Only what she 'wants', and she's not entitled to get what she 'wants' from the family she abandoned.

A year later, OP shared another update.

My ex left me to pick up the pieces after she decided to try and be a van-life influencer. I was devastated but our kids were destroyed. Last year she barreled back into our lives because her van needed work and she needed a place to stay. I did not want her in my house with my kids.

She refused to stay with her parents and because she had two dogs a hotel would have been expensive. My parents, my girlfriend at the time, and several old friends said I should help her out. So I took on her dogs so she could stay at a hostel. That worked out great because she met another nomad there. After her van was fixed they departed together.

I thank Christ every day I don't let her back into my kids life so intrusively. It was so much easier to explain that she was just gone again than to let them watch her leave. The one good thing she did was abandon her dogs. I told her to come get them but she said her new boyfriend was allergic so I should keep them for her.

I almost took the dogs to a shelter. Instead I took them to a vet and registered them in my city. Now they are my dogs. Well to be honest they are my kid's and my girlfriend's dogs. The dogs love them and tolerate me. My ex is in town again. Great mom hasn't bothered seeing her kids since last summer but she wants her dogs back. I said no.

I said she left them behind like trash, like she leaves everything, so they are mine now. She made noises about suing me. I told her to go ahead. I would love to take this public. I'm sure her followers would love to know where her dogs were for a year and why. She saw the kids for an afternoon and she tried to get them to yell me to give her back the dogs.

My kids are a little older now and see through her BS better. They said no. She is going a little crazy now and the breeder she got the dogs from won't sell her more since she abandoned the last two. She says that I'm trying to derail her career. And that I'm a jealous AH that never tried to love my dreams like she is.

I told her that my dreams have never changed. To raise my kids with a woman who loved me and our children. To have a life together and see it through. I said my dreams are coming together now that she has taken herself out. She did pay a lot for the dogs but she abandoned them in my opinion. AITAH?

The internet kept it real in response.

No_Lavishness_3206 wrote:

Holy crap. I remember your other post. You never answered any questions or updated. NTA. Your ex is kind of a monster though. Keep your kids and your dogs safe from her.

OP responded:

Part of the reason for this post is so that if she says anything I have a platform to publish her Instagram, Twitter, and Tiktok so her followers can know what she is really like.

Ok_Young1709 wrote:

Maybe you should post her influencer name so her followers can be made aware of the fact she is actually a child abandoning, dog abandoning, low life that isn't worthy of anyone's time or money?

glitterpantaloons wrote:

NTA she literally told you to keep them. She can’t just change her mind. She is a bad human mom and a bad dog mom and she shouldn’t have responsibility for living things.

Hwozere wrote:

NTA she can’t pick up and drop people or pets as and when she pleases. It says something loudly that she tried to purchase more pups. It’s not about her missing or loving YOUR dogs it’s the image she wants to portray of herself as having dogs, rolling around in her van taking meaningless videos and photos for strangers to mildly give a flying f about.

She should invest more of her energy in her children instead of bending your ear over her own poor life choices.

I’m glad you’ve met your girlfriend she seems to have a positive influence on your life. All the best to your family!

kmflushing wrote:

Of course, NTA. Tell her as much as her followers will love the story about her abandoning her dogs, they'd die for the story of how she abandoned her kids and family. But now she wants the dogs back, but not the kids. What a stellar person. Let her sue. They're your dogs.