'AITA for taking my girlfriend's cop dad to court over a speeding ticket he gave me?'

"AITA for taking my girlfriend's dad to court?"

Made a whole account for the first time because my friend said this would make for a good story here. I (19M) have been dating my girlfriend (18F) for about a year. A couple weeks ago, I got pulled over while driving home from her place, and just my luck, the officer who pulled me over was her dad.

Although very awkward, he kept it purely professional, said i was speeding, and gave me a ticket. Now, if I was speeding this would have been perfectly fine, but the problem is, I wasn't.

I have a dashcam that logs GPS and speed data, and I checked it as soon as I got home. It clearly shows I was going under the speed limit the entire time.

I told my girlfriend I’m planning to fight the ticket in court. She’s really upset and says it’s going to cause a lot of tension with her family.

She thinks I should just pay the fine and move on, even if I wasn’t speeding. From my point of view, this isn't about her dad personally, its purely about not wanting any marks against my license. She feels that by taking it to court, I’m basically accusing her dad of either lying or making a serious mistake, and that could put him in a really difficult position professionally and personally.

She’s worried this is going to cause a rift not just between me and her dad, but possibly between her dad and her as well for being associated with me. I get where she’s coming from, and I don’t want to disrespect her dad or damage the relationship I’ve built with him. Honestly, we’ve always gotten along well, he’s a tough guy, but I respect him a lot, and I know he’s just doing his job.

I’ve never had a ticket before, and I pay for my own car and insurance, so something like this could raise my rates and stick with me, especially being so young. I’m not trying to be difficult, dramatic, or disrespectful, but I just don’t think it’s right to let something slide that could impact me long-term, especially when I have clear evidence that I wasn’t speeding.

I’m still planning on fighting the ticket. I have the dashcam footage, I know I wasn’t speeding. But my girlfriend is incredibly upset. She’s been distant ever since I told her, and lately she’s barely talking to me. I can tell she’s really hurt and stressed about the whole thing.

She keeps saying I’m choosing a stupid traffic ticket over her and her family which is technically true, but that ticket comes with a lot more than just a one time fine. I don't want to take the blame for something I didn't do so I've already plead not guilty and have the court hearing scheduled for a few weeks out. I think this is the right move by putting my future first.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

JustJudgin wrote:

NTA! There’s no way that having the ticket fought will impact her dad professionally. It could easily be an issue of his speed radar being a little off.

Take your evidence and go to court, keep your clean driving record and your current insurance payment.

If the girl doesn’t understand that asking you to ACCEPT GUILT FOR A FALSE CHARGE, PAY THE FINE, AND SUFFER CONSEQUENCES BASED ON FAULTY INFORMATION is unreasonable and seriously messed up, and that it isn’t a matter of questioning her father’s professionalism or pride and having his tickets fought SHOULD BE routine, something is very wrong.

If what she says is at all founded in reality, her father would need to have a documented history of false ticket writing at the very least. Faulty equipment is not uncommon, and even if the speed reader were functioning properly, the justice system is built so that folks can fight tickets as part of their right to due process and all law enforcement knows that!

Engaging with that justice system in good faith should never be something you’re shamed about or pressured out of. What is most likely here will is that SHE feels awkward and uncomfortable about how her father reacts to having his authority questioned based on her experiences at home.

40% of cops are v#$lent at home to the point their DV is reported and many more go unreported. SHE is anxious about what may only be a few moments of potential awkwardness that he brushes off as everyday stuff when you’re a cop OR maybe he is controlling and scary at home and will punish her and/or you for the embarrassment at being proven wrong in court.

Her desire to avoid this conflict at all costs is not healthy or reasonable, regardless of whether her father poses a real threat to her or your safety or sense of security at home.

You may need to ask her what she is afraid of and whether she feels safe with her dad or not. You may also decide not to date someone who would insist you accept a false accusation and punishment for the sake of her avoidant anxiety or her father’s pride or his reactions (which you cannot control and are not responsible for).

Would she ask you to plead guilty to a more serious crime and do time for her father’s professional image regardless of the impact on your life and future? Would you tolerate that if she did? Can you support her through her anxiety so she learns that her father being awkward isn’t the end of the world?

Could you be with someone whose first instinct in times of conflict or stress is to roll over and be wrongfully punished? Will she be able to stand up for you in moments when you need support, or will she tie herself in knots trying to avoid conflict with someone else while putting you in the position of taking on the consequences?

SendMeYourDPics wrote:

NAH but your girlfriend’s being unfair as hell. You didn’t go looking for a fight - her dad wrote a bogus ticket, while in uniform and you’ve got proof it’s BS. That’s not “choosing a ticket over her family”, that’s not letting someone screw up your insurance, record and money for no reason.

If her dad’s a decent cop, he’ll accept that you’re just using your right to defend yourself. If he isn’t, then yeah, maybe that rift was coming either way.

You’re not disrespecting anyone by standing up for yourself - especially when you’ve got the receipts. Tell her you’re not putting your life on pause just to avoid her dad’s feelings. If that’s too much for her, that says way more about where this relationship’s headed than a damn traffic court date.

Jjazmin167 wrote:

I work in law enforcement. We make mistakes. However, that doesn't excuse the mistake when it's found. Go and have those marks removed from your license and take it to court. NTA. Your GF, however? an AH.