'AITA for taking my stepdaughter to an extracurricular activity?'

"AITA for taking my stepdaughter to an extracurricular activity?"

I have a daughter who wanted to attend a dance class, she’s such a shy wallflower I thought perhaps getting her into a club would be beneficial to build confidence. It just so happens that my stepdaughter around the same age really wanted to go also and so I said that I’d happily include her in the class if she wanted and if Dad said she could.

He had no problem, the class is during his time as per custody agreements, so no conflict with the mother’s time. He notified her since it’s courteous to do so and whilst she expressed it was something she wanted to do, several months have passed with nothing arranged, so I took her to the taster class (her Dad will be attending all future classes, I just said I’d do the taster one) and she loved it!

Honestly the look on her face and the mood she was in absolutely melted my heart. So, with dad’s permission, I signed her up and bought all the gear. This is something I’m happy to do; I love his kids like they’re my own and I’d do anything to make them happy. I make more money than him so it’s something I can afford.

Anyway now I’m apparently the monster because I’ve robbed their mom of “her moment." Whilst I can understand to some extent, being a mother myself, she’s had months to arrange her own dance class and this is all with Dads full support and in his time.

She’s now demanding all the gear, being able to attend classes, doing all the show prep, citing this is a mother and daughter thing. I’ve refused because she’s had ample time to do this and quite frankly I’m not paying all this money for her to take all the credit. If she wants to take her to dance, I’ll happily step back and cancel my arrangements but I have a feeling nothing would come of it if I did.

So…am I the ahole for facilitating a dance class for my step daughter and refusing to hand it over fully funded to her mother? Be gentle.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

MelodyRaine said:

NTA. Mom had months to get her act together and is only trying to step in now that all the funding has been provided. The term I'd use for that is glory hound. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Mistress_Hella said:

NTA. Mom doesn’t get to dictate how the kids spend their time with Dad. And if it were about the kids, then you think there’d be some shared joy in how happy it made her child, instead of preferring an experience be taken away for the sake of Mom’s, what?

Glory? Credit? Mom can take her too if she wants to get her shit together on her own. You keep being a safe adult in this kid’s life and helping her grow.

MaeSilver909 said:

Your husband needs to step in and tell his ex that the classes are scheduled during his time. He will be attending the classes with his daughter and ex can schedule another activity during her time. This is so sad because the child is enjoying the activity so much. NTA.

GeminiIsMissing said:

NTA, she wasn't going to be a part of it anyway (it's during Dad's time) and she had her chance to sign her daughter up for classes months ago when she first expressed wanting to do this. I wonder if she would still be mad if Dad had taken her to the lesson, or if she's just jealous that you got a "mom" experience that she didn't. Either way, she's being petty and ridiculous.

Medusa_7898 said:

NTA. Mom has the chance to support her daughter on her own time. You get to support her on dad’s custodial time.

matthew_birdsey said:

You are NTA! Dancing is awesome! Both my daughters danced for years and they loved it!!!!